Cleanse Me Project

So part of my 25 Days of Christ is a commitment to pray for people. I don't do that enough and it's definitely something I should be doing. Isn't it one of the most encouraging things in the whole to know that you are being prayed for?

If your name isn't on the list, well, I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to offend anyone.

start. stop.or whatever.

I'm kinda freaked out. This morning I took the compass test for the second time. I feel like if I don't pass it's the end. I do not want to take that class or test again. I seriously suck at math and I'm okay with that.

And I'm avoiding anything that has to do with my next class. I have a paper due that I've barely started. I haven't even finished reading the literature it's supposed to be on. I'm also supposed to have secondary sources... yeah, haven't done any of that either.

I guess I should stop blogging and start homework. ugh.

Friendship

It's been weird in a way. I mean, I don't have many "girl friends" and in the past two weeks I've become friends with two different girls who are amazing. They love Jesus and I haven't had that in forever.

I just feel like this is another way the Lord is saying, "Lydia, I love you and I know what you need, what you desire and even though you couldn't see that you needed the friendship of godly women, I could and I have provided. Be encouraged. I am watching over you."

I spend three hours with a girl from my pysch class tonight at Starbucks, drinking coffee and talking about life. I haven't had this many female friends who love the Lord ever. In fact, I've only really had my sisters and maybe one other friend. Now I have three plus my sisters.

And what makes this really amazing is the fact that I've been worried about people I spend a lot of time around and I wasn't sure what to do because I desire fellowship with females. But out of the three women I spend most of my time with, only one was truly seeking the Lord and it was/is so easy to get pulled into selfish thinking, and to talk about things I really shouldn't be talking about. I had not even prayed about my concern of who I was spending a lot of time with because I didn't feel like there was anything that could be done about it. I mean, I spend a lot of time around those women. But, yet again, the Lord has provided without me asking. I am so insane. Crazy for doubting Him. Selfish, ungrateful, and just plain stupid for choosing not to trust.

God, forgive me. I repent of my wicked ways. I know I will sin again because I am human, and I stumble all the time, but Lord I pray You will keep my faith strong. Lift me up and reveal Your glory to me. Thank You for answering unspoken prayers. Thank you for providing godly women to be my friends. I do not deserve Your love but I thank You that You give so freely.

Cleanse Me

The longing for my Savior has flooded my heart, mind and soul. A couple Wednesday nights ago I asked my Blood brothers and sisters to pray that God would soften my heart because I knew it was hard and resistant to the Lord. Since then Christ has poured His wondrous love into my broken, bleeding, pleading heart and soul.

So with that desire to know and worship my Savior, and December right around the corner, I'm going to start 25 Days of Christ. I want this Christmas season to be all about Father Love. I want to remove all distractions and cleanse my heart and soul through worship for my One and Only.

I Am (not) SuperWoman

I know how to hid things. We've discussed this in depth many times so you know this as much as I do. Sometimes I am really good at hiding it from others and myself. But never from the Lord. Goodness, sometimes I really can't stand that. And I know the Lord loves me and His reason for showing me my errors is because He loves me.

Life has been frustrating me greatly. I had not been dealing with my frustration either. Wren is right: the fact that I am just "starting" my college career, a job, etc has been weighing heavily on my heart. I sometimes feel like I've missed so many things because of the choices I've made. Of course, given the choice I wouldn't go back and change those decisions. But it is hard being around 19, 20 year old kids all the time and feeling like I could have already completed so much and yet I'm only beginning. Wren almost made almost made me cry at work. I didn't think anyone could see through me but he could. God has given him the gift of discernment or rather I am not as good at hiding things as I though.

Vehicles have been a big source of stress. It's mostly pride and I've never felt this way before, but I hate driving that van. It's embarrassing and no one seems to understand why. Dad did tell me that I will be able to drive B's car home from the wedding. I am soo excited about B getting married but I'm also really excited about having something smaller to drive.

Wren also reminded me that I don't have to be SuperWoman. And that it's okay not to have it all together. I often feel like I have to have it all together or I'm going to fail. Perhaps my real failure comes in not letting go at times.

He reminded me that I need to take time for fun... and asked me if I've been walking. I've been taking "me" time... But I haven't been walking or even really exercising and I can't stand that. My weight has always been a struggle; in the self-esteem area and more recently in my actual weight. I need to be doing some cardio, but finding time has become my biggest enemy. And of course, being an emotional eater does not help at all. I've discovered that I am more of an emotional drinker and coke is my alcohol. Not good for my waistline...

Dear Father Love, continue to draw me near to You. My heart is bleeding for so many reasons. Some of which are valid, some stupid, some crazy, etc. But the point is I need You. Forgive my sin, the temptations of my heart and the wickedness of my mind. Cleanse me. Pour out Your love, forgiveness, mercy, and grace to my deprived soul. Restore to me the joy of my salvation. Thank You for touching my needy, wounded soul. Oh, how I need You.

I Need a Break!

I made a 73 on my English paper. I seriously hate college today. But as Dr. C said, there is only one more month in the semester! I think I can handle that. I hope I can handle that.

So I really hate that B's work is not on Verizon. What is up with that?! I mean, we never talked before she got her new cell but now we can't even text or anything. And if any of B's friends take this out of context I will block you. You've been warned.

Something I love: this cold weather. I'd take cold over hot any day. And Twitter. I like being to share a bit of me with the world as I go.

I think I'm going to start running on the weekends. I think. I hate running but I know I need to do something. This weight training class is going to do nothing for me if I don't get some cardio exercises in my life. I should start doing yoga again.

Ummm.... yeah.

Do you know what it's like to feel insignificant? I do. I feel that way quite often.

You know that feeling you have when someone is REALLY listening to you? I mean, they are all into what you are saying. They have nothing else on their mind but you and what you have to say. It makes you feel important, significant, wanted, and loved. Perhaps that is why I'd rather listen than talk. Because then other people can experience what I rarely do.

No one really listens to me. I don't know why. But most of the time when I try to speak, the person(s) will be messing with their phone, or they will interrupt, or something... It makes me feel insignificant, unimportant, and like they don't want to hear what I have to say.

I can't seem to find the inspiration to blog lately. I don't know what's wrong with me. It's like when I try to write nothing comes out. Nothing worth reading anyways.

Can I show you why I love South GA? Do you see this? Beauty. This is what I love. This is where I want to raise children. This is where I want to live and die (of course, after I finish college and travel).



I can't think of anything else to write. At least nothing positive.

Life Will be Good

I think I just failed my first French test. It's all my own fault though. I haven't been doing my homework. I wondered today if I should have started over and taken French 1101 again. It would have really helped ground me in the language.

I was sick over the weekend. I don't think it was the flu or anything like that. I think I have been so stressed that my body said "Enough is enough! You need to rest." And I did. For two days I did nothing but sit on the couch. Drink juice. Watch movies. Sleep. It was marvelous! But now I'm back in the real world. And I've decided to make my life process of elimination. I have made a list of everything that is causing me stress and then I'm going to make a plan to eliminate them. The list was rather long... But that's okay. All of it are things that can be taken care of and life will be good.

I told my professor that I couldn't go on the six week trip. I hated telling her but she not only understood, she was thankful. It sounds bad doesn't it? But it wasn't really going to work for her to go and she was holding out for me... or at least that's how it sounded when we talked this morning. She is going to get me information on the spring break trip and we'll go from there. I want to go to France so badly!

Well, I'm gonna go. Being on the computer at the BCM always makes me nervous... never know who will/could hack your stuff!

I'm Still Alive

Sooo.... did you think I'd fallen off the face of the earth? Well, I haven't. I just have not had any time to blog.

The Lord has been pouring His grace and mercy over my soul. I have been feeling the greatness of my sin and it's downward pull. Wednesday it was all I could do to keep from crying when it was my turn to pray. I had to confess my unworthiness.

My puppy is doing well. He is a mess. Bandit likes to dig, get on the porch and lots of other things he isn't supposed to do. What's a girl supposed to do?!

A and I saw the movie Fame last night. Don't watch it. It was incredibly BORING! I talked through the movie. You know it's bad if I'm talking. I never talk in movies, especially movies I haven't yet seen.

Sometimes I go back and reread my myspace blog. I was such a creative writer then. I had time to think. I don't have time to think now. I'm ready for this semester to be over.

I want to go camping. I am seriously thinking about doing it after Josh Bales comes down. Speaking of which, the concert is still a go. You should come down. I'm seriously afraid I won't have 50 people there. Man, am I worried about that. I've got money to pay him with in case there are only like 10 folks. But still. I need to ask Joe to send an email out to the BCM people.

Sorry this is so short, but I've got to get in the shower. I'm going 4-wheeling today. Hopefully I'll make it home safe and sound. :)

Really Nasty Things

I walked into my room and all I wanted was a journal. But I don't have one because I stopped writing in a journal by hand a long time ago. This is all I have right now so it will have to do...

I am feeling really emotional right now. Partly because Mother Nature is making her rounds and the other part... I'm not really sure why.

I want to write some really nasty things about certain people. But I'd get in trouble. That's why I need a journal. *evil grin*

Sometimes I just miss him. I miss being around him. I miss his sarcasm, his jokes, how he made me laugh. I never once felt pressured to be perfect when I was around him. Sometimes I go through his facebook pictures; I did that tonight actually. I've thought a lot about him today. I guess because it's 9/11 and he's overseas... I think in Kuwait. I'm not really sure. I've been praying for his safety and for his safe return to the states. I hope he makes it in December. I would love to see him.

Did you remember it's 9/11 today? It's hard to forget; especially with everyone you run into (in person or online) makes a comment about it. My heart goes out to the families of 911. And even more so to the men and women fighting for my freedom. Thank you for all that you do.

My French prof is pretty much the most amazing, incredible professor ever. I told you about the scholarship right? Yeah, so as much as I want to go to France, I've been doing some mental math and I just don't think I can. I mean, I've got Josh Bales coming up, a maid of honor dress to buy, and decorations for a bridal shower; not to mention, I now have a puppy who is only about 12 weeks old and I told Dad I would buy his food. And I plan to keep doing that. And I'm feeling really pressured to start buying my own gas. I need a second job. I don't know how I can do all of this and afford to go to France. There is no way unless I quit school and work full time. Which, by the way, I'm not going to do. Je ne sais pas. I don't know. I don't know what to do.

I've decided on a major. I've decided on a career. I've decided where I'm going to live after I graduate. I've decided after working and saving for two years where I'm going to go on vacation. I have my life planned out up til I'm around the age of 31. I have the next 8 years of my life planned. You may laugh and that's okay, but if you don't have a plan, then what do you have? Nothing. You have a lifeless dream that may or may not come true. At least I have a goal; something to work towards; a desire, a dream, a reward at the end of my road. I have something to fight for and I want my plan to work out. So laugh if you want, but keep it to yourself. I don't want to hear it.

My plan: is to become a 4 year RN. I want to be a nurse. I love patching people up. I would be good at it. I know I would. So I'll start next fall in a nursing program. I'll be 24. Man, I'm old. Flash-forward four years, I'm 28, graduated, and moving to Apalachicola. I love it there. They have a hospital I can work at and the idea gives me thrills! I'll live there for two years and then I'm going to England, France, Ireland, I don't really know. I just know that when I'm 30 that's where I want to be. I'll stay there for a couple weeks, maybe a couple months and then move back to South GA. I'm going to buy some land and build myself a house.

I haven't quite figured out what to do with my babies when I'm in France... I now have a puppy. Did I tell you I was getting a puppy? He's a black lab. His name is Bandit. He is the sweetest puppy ever! So I have my own little family now. Queen Sheba (my cat) and Bandit (my dog) and me. *smiles* I told this to Carrie and she said, "Now all you need is a husband!" I replied, "I don't think so! I don't need a man at all." And I don't.
Men are stupid. I've yet to meet one who doesn't make me feel like I don't measure up. And all the guys I know, I'm too fat for. Which is depressing. It makes me not want to eat. I know that is wrong and I am eating so no worries. I had crunch bars, Doritos, and a coke at work today. I was hungry... I've already mentioned the reason why so I see no need to repeat it.

I need to go to sleep. Ryan is bringing my gun back tomorrow. And then I'm going to the shooting range. Then I'm going to study until 1pm-ish (I will officially bring Bandit home then). I'm gonna give that puppy a bath and then study some more. Probably at RG's house so I can have Bandit in the same room with me. RG doesn't care. I took Bandit to the Bible study Wednesday night. He is such a good dog. He didn't bark, whine or wiggle. He just sat in my lap. I am so excited! I'm going to study all Sunday afternoon too.

Night y'all. Have a wonderful weekend.

Climb a Tree

My brothers are.... wow. When I was a kid we didn't have Wii or internet or gameboys or whatever else it is that they play all the time. We didn't have over 200 channels on the tv. In fact, we had one that we were allowed to watch and that was PBS. AND we were only allowed 30 minutes a day. Amazingly we were all okay with that and we were all able to agree on one show to watch. Beyond that we were outside, or playing legos, or a board game, or we played with our Matchbox cars. We interacted, we got along and sometimes I just can't stand how much arguing goes on over these stupid, needless, accessories. They can barely agree on a show to watch and heaven forbid they have to go over four hours without the tv, wii or whatever.

What I would have given growing up for 10 acres, woods, a creek! I wouldn't have ever come inside.

So I tell my brothers to take a day off and to do something productive. What do I get in return? Complaints, arguments, complaints, arguments, complaints... I think you get the picture.

Hello World!

My life currently consist of running between class, work and home. It make not sound like much but it is actually a lot. I have already worked 15 hours this week. I'm taking 13 hours of classes and that barely leaves me anytime to do anything else. Not to mention before this week I'd been having a very hard time being motivated to do homework. So now I'm behind and feeling quite stressed about it. To make matters worse RG made me so mad I cried. That did not help my already hectic life.

This weekend is the Taylor concert. Anna, Bethany and I are going. Amazingly without Ben. Although, I'm pretty sure he is all we will hear about... now that Bsquared are engaged. We are all very happy about it. We love Ben. But sometimes I would like to talk to Bethany without talking about marriage, plans, Ben or whatever. Sometimes it would be nice to talk about me and what's going on in my life. I almost feel selfish writing that.

I am bringing homework with me. I have too. I have to work everyday on French and Math. I should probably throw some English and Psychology in there too. Praise the Lord I do not have class Monday. I am going to study ALL day!

Oh my word. My French Prof is incredible. In the Spring semester she is planning a six week trip to France. I want to go so badly! The total cost is around $4000. And she has poked around and set up a scholarship for me. I am overwhelmed with gratitude! It is not much (in light of $4000) but any little bit will help.

Josh Bales concert. It's still a go. I'm praying we have 50 people show up. If we don't I'm going to cry.

I've got to run. I have to be at work in 20 minutes. Have a good afternoon.

That's Not My Name

I'm drinking David's coffee. It's like tar. You really have no idea. It burns going down and I love it! We make the Cary Grant method coffee. You know pour the coffee grounds until you have way more coffee than you do water. If you haven't seen the movie Walk, Don't Run you've missed out. It's super cute!

I have to go to work in 30 minutes. I really don't want too. Blah.

I met a guy. He loves Jesus. He's got a job, a house, and and he's only 22 seems to have his head on straight. I want to get to know him better. We'll see what happens. Meg, you need to come for the concert. Seriously. Guys seem to be jumping out of the woodwork's down here.

I'm going to the shooting range this Sunday. Jonathan is taking me. I think I might take David with me. He doesn't know yet. But I feel like I need someone there so Jonathan won't be as prone to put his hands on me. He's never inappropriate, but always on the line. I also invited the guy who is going to take me hunting. Jonathan doesn't know that either. :) I don't know if he will like that fact. *evil grin*

I am so excited about Josh Bales coming to sing. You have no idea. Oh, I don't have a problem with little kids coming as long as they don't interrupt the concert. I feel like I should put that out there.

I love it when my profs know my name. I have three classes and all of my profs know my name. That just makes me feel special or something! ha! I know, it's crazy. But there are quite a few kids at that college and knowing that they know who I am makes me want to go to class. This weight training class is CRAZY!!! There are so many jocks, too many stuck-up guys in this class. But I'm enjoying the exercise. There are only three girls (not including me) in my French class. Do you know how amazing that is going to be? More one on one time with Madame Knight; less pressure to get things correct; more room to get to know my classmates. I'm going to like this. I'm sitting in the very back of my math class. And the guys that I'm sitting next to are insane! They like to talk. Hopefully I'll get something out of this class!

Cabinets are finished now I'm just trying to get everything back on a shelf and it be organized. I need to do this soon because the Bible study is at my house next week and the house needs to be somewhat clean! *smiles* I'm really excited about it being at my home. I love having people over.

I'm gonna run. I need to finish my coffee and brush my teeth. Have a great weekend. Be safe. Have fun. Comment on my blog! *laughs* I'm teasing, but also serious. It's depressing when I blog all the time and don't get a response. Ben, you can comment too you know!

Food to Kill

I have about 30 minutes before I head to work. College begins... today! Can you believe it? I'm starting my second (full) semester. This semester I'm taking French II, Comp II, Learning Support Math II, Intro to Psychology I, and Weight Training. It wasn't exactly the schedule I wanted, but I couldn't get in touch with ANYONE at MGC yesterday. Still haven't heard from my advisor. But oh well... I'm registered and happy.

I completed my hunters safety course yesterday. Very proud of that fact! There are a few things I feel I need to have in order to go hunting. Boots, a knife, camo clothing (pants, shirts, socks). Here are the boots and the knife I am considering:

http://www.cabelas.com/cabelas/en/templates/product/standard-item.jsp;jsessionid=WYGQN3OYBXKKRLAQBBISCNVMCAEFEIWE?_DARGS=/cabelas/en/common/catalog/item-link.jsp_A&_DAV=null-cat600752&id=0069913831204a&navCount=0&podId=0069913&parentId=cat600752&masterpathid=&navAction=push&catalogCode=XK&rid=&parentType=index&indexId=cat601233&cmCat=netcon&cm_ven=netcon&cm_cat=Google&cm_pla=women%20hunting%20boots&cm_ite=netcon&_requestid=32221

I like these boots because they are pull-ons and snake proof. I hate tying shoes and boots would only be worse because they are so high! And while I'm not afraid to kill or gut a snake I don't want one to bite me.

The knife:

http://www.huntingblades.com/diwigutho.html

I like this knife because it's a fixed blade. So it's stronger than a folding blade. Plus, it's made for gutting and I do plan on field dressing/gutting whatever I kill. I am so excited.

Jonathan said he would take me hog hunting. The idea scares and thrills me all at the same time. Can I just say I love the thought of killing my own food and providing for my family that way?
I need to get my license though... I've thought about getting a license to go alligator hunting... but that might be a bit much for my first hunting season. :) We'll see what happens. I like alligator so maybe...

Clothing. Yes, I am going to wear camo. But I've been thinking, I don't want to look like a bum so I want my pants, shirt, jacket to be flattering. I'm going to have to research this.

There are some great deals at Kroger this week. You guys should check them out. Plus, if you've been collecting coupons you should be able to save even more with your coupons! I am going grocery shopping after I get off work Friday... I plan to save, save save!

I've already shared this with Meg but it just looks so amazing I can't help but share it with you guys too. I want this cookbook!
http://www.amazon.com/Abel-Cole-Cookbook-Keith/dp/0007277946/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1250620276&sr=8-4
If the cover and title alone don't inspire you to cook I don't know what will!

I'm gonna run. I hope you guys have a great week! Bonjour!

Practice Makes Perfect

I love the way a gun feels against my shoulder.

Rambo, Painting and Huntin'

Wow. I haven't blogged in forever. I didn't even realize it had been so long until Bethany told me that Ben had told her I hadn't blogged and it bothered him not knowing what is going on in my life. Goodness, between Bsquared I won't be able to get away from anything.

I have pictures of the snake while I was cooking it and will put them up soon. It was actually really good. No, Rambo (that's what we named the snake) did not taste like chicken. He was really moist and tender (after getting around the bones) and sweet. I don't know if that was from soaking him in Don's all night or what. But I think snake is one of my favorite meats as far as taste goes. Next time I will completely de-bone him though. Now that I know what I'm doing it shouldn't take me as long as it did.

I am working on getting my hunters safety course completed and then I am going to buy a hunting license. I even have a guy to take me. No, it's not Jonathan so don't worry. But I haven't actually met him... I work with his Mom and have talked with him over the phone. I'm not crushing on him or anything but he called me "darlin'" and I am a sucker for a that word. I don't know what it is but that word makes something inside this girl melt. Anyhow, I need to hang out with him sometime and get to know him that way I'm not going into the woods with a complete stranger... and so Dad's okay with it. Hunting season starts October 17th. That gives me plenty of time to get to know him, get my license, and practice shooting. I need to know how to aim. :)

I also need to finish these cabinets. I'm almost done; I have one more that needs to be completely painted and then a corner that needs a second coat. Then I'll need to give the trim two coats. Man, I am ready to be done! They look nice though. And I can't wait to get the doors and new hardware up. It's going to look amazing.

Last night was one of the most interesting nights of my life. I met up with some friends at Starbucks and then we walked around the neighborhood behind Starbucks (talking about Rambo! haha! Candace didn't know I had gutted it and I am so proud of myself I just had to tell her) only to end the evening standing/sitting by the Comfort Inn talking about our most embarrassing moments, fashion trends, etc. It was hard to tell what everyone was thinking/feeling. Expressions weren't freely coming and it was just awkward for me. I didn't know what to say, or do, or even think at times. I feel like Candace and Greg were the only ones truly comfortable. Although, I could be wrong about RG... I've been around him in various settings and haven't yet seen him uncomfortable. Poor kid, he looked dead tired. People don't even think about the fact that he gets up way too early in the morning. That's why I like to ask him because I know he gets up around 5am this time of the year. It makes people feel bad. Ha! That shouldn't make me laugh but it does. It was a good night. I like hanging out with Candace and RG so that was fun... I guess.
RG was feeling really feisty or something last night. He "whatever-ed" me last night first thing and then told me he would give me the "hand" too. Must have been the Thai food they ate and it must have only been his meal because no one else was acting that way.
I think I'm going to ask him over for supper next week. It's been a while since he's had dinner with the family. I have next Thursday evening off so I'll probably do it then. What do you guys think I should cook? Chicken enchilada casserole sounds really good right now.

Josh Bales concert: October 8th, 7:30 or 8pm. You can email this address: bookjoshbales@gmail.com to let them know you are interested and to purchase your ticket. Tickets can be bought up to the day of. Better get your ticket soon! Ben, it's too bad you can't bring the Three D boys. I think they would really enjoy it.

Well, I'm going to paint. I need to get some done so I can finish tomorrow. Actually I probably won't finish until Monday because I'm going to have to put a second coat on the cabinets that were just primed today. Ugh.

Hunting.... Ticks? Not This Time!

I feel wired. I had a coke and then some "feminine" coffee. I had no idea coffee could be categorized by gender but apparently it can be. Black is, according to my friend, manly, and coffee with tons of cream, sugar and whipped topping is feminine. *smiles* He is funny.

I hate words. I don't mind talking, but I often find it gets me in trouble so I'm going to strive to be quieter. It will do everyone a world of good.

Ben is right. I do like people. In fact, I like more people than I dislike. I just dislike a few so strongly that it makes me feel like I dislike everyone (which is not true).

I saw the “old man” again Friday. I was putting gas in the van and he was on the other side of the pump doing the same for his truck. My heart rate shot up, my hands started shaking and I couldn’t remember the pin number for the card and then the pump told me to go see the attendant. We made small talk about how I couldn’t get the card to work (I had walked inside the station at least twice by that time trying to get the pump to take the card). I don’t know what to think about that. Joe saw him… kinda. Man, I’m telling y’all, he is old.

I went out to eat with Carrie and Deb tonight. Goodness, I love them. They are so funny and so much fun to be around. I love working with Deb. She is laid-back and knows all the gossip about everyone who walks in the store. I know no one in this town and being the Curious George that I am it is quite enjoyable to hear all about these people. I love knowing facts about people who don’t know me.

The more I’m around or see country boys the more I want one. I don’t want some boy with the mindset that the city is all there is. Trust me, that will get nowhere with me. I love dirt roads, green grass, country music, driving just for the pure joy of driving, I even like gutting my own food! *laughs* That is a recent discovery. I am even more determined to go hunting this fall. I think I’m gonna ask Jonathan to take me. I don’t know who else to ask. It’s not like RG would take me. I don’t even know if he hunts. Besides it takes him like a year to do anything. And that is a fact because it took him over a year to take me to see his Dad’s house. I am very thankful for the moonlit tour, it was beautiful (the home and the moon), but I did ask him for a tour in the spring of 2008 and I just got my tour this past Wednesday. Jonathan would take me… I just don’t know if he would be able to concentrate on hunting…deer. That would be a problem. I just need to buy my own gun, get a license, purchase my own deer-stand and hunt on our property. But we have dogs that would not only follow me but they would also chase the deer and then I’d want to hunt dogs instead of deer. That would be a problem. Oh, but hey, if I went this route, I could live out there too! *grins* http://home.windstream.net/tomf42344/

I need to go to bed. I’m cooking my rattlesnake tomorrow. I am so excited! I can’t wait. I know it’s going to be good. Goodnight y’all.

A Very Dead Snake

I spent my afternoon gutting a 5ft rattlesnake. Joe played with it for a while and took some really good pictures. I am quite proud of myself actually. I now know that I can skin, gut and chop a snake.



I know you probably can't hear the sound in the video, but hopefully it will work.

Yes, I am woman. Hear me roar. :)

I'll let you know how it turns out when I cook it. Which will probably be Sunday for lunch.

Brownie Pancakes

It hit me tonight that I was being really selfish concerning my relationship with the Lord. I had gotten to the point that I wasn't sure if I even cared about my relationship with Father Love. Because what had He done for me? Nothing. I was only mad because I didn't have a guy. But I don't even want a guy (except for one reason and that isn't a good one).

So I broke down and cried. I do care about my relationship with my Lord and Savior. I'm tired of being selfish and prideful and lying to myself (He has done sooo much more for me than I deserve).

I hope this rebellious season is over. It's exhausting living for your own desires.

Dad asked me tonight if RG read my blog. Good night. I hope not. I don't think he does. But it would be interesting if he did.
He has a kitten hanging around his house. Which is really funny to me because he doesn't like cats. I was holding the kitten and he asked me what I was going to name it. I told him if I named it he would have to keep it... he didn't agree. But I said I would name it Robert. hahaha!! I thought that was really clever. But it turns out Robert is a girl so it's now Roberta. *grins*

That reminds me. I need to bathe Sheba. She is so nasty. She is white... well, she's suppose to be white, but she's a grayish/brown color.

I made brownie batter pancakes today. They were like flat, round brownies. The boys loved them. No, I didn't let them have syrup. They didn't need it. They were worried about getting in trouble for eating brownie pancakes though. I laughed at them! Ha! I've given them ice-cream for breakfast before. Surely brownie pancakes aren't any worse! And I cooked scrambled eggs to go with it. So they had something healthy. :)

I've been buying a Sunday paper every week. For the coupons. I have been saving quite a bit on groceries doing this. I need to cut out the coupons and organize them. But buying groceries is so much more rewarding when you save money doing it. Makes my heart happy.

Well, good night friends. I need some sleep. I'm getting up by at least 8am today because I need to paint. I slept until 11:40 this morning and the only reason I woke up was because the house phone rang and it was in my room. I could have thrown that phone to China it made me so mad. And then I was really surprised when I saw what time it was. Anyways... I do need to paint tomorrow and I need sleep before doing that. So good night.

The Glory of Deceit

When I have no new books and I rarely ever reread a book, I write. And I'm not talking about blogs. I mean, I write blogs. But I’m talking about writing fiction. I figure I have a good imagination and surely I can come up with a good story. I'm on my third page. I started this afternoon. I love reading. I love writing. And no, I won't share. :)
It is my dream to be able to write a story about my life under a different name of course. But to be able to express how I feel about some people and be paid for it would be amazing. Gossip sells and my life could be summed up as a soap opera so I have no doubts as to whether or not it would be published. I do have doubts about whether or not people would read it and figure out who is who. Then I would have a big mess... mainly because there are so many people I don't care for. I can think of several right now. All girls. What does that tell you? Oh well I've always liked the male gender better. They are less complicated when it comes to dealing with life. That doesn't make the male population any less confusing to be sure so don't get that mixed up.

My Mother was an amazing woman. Yes, I struggled with my relationship with her, but that doesn't change the fact that I admired, respected and adored her. I can't help but despise the fact that Sybol Allen is not known and will not be known to a certain someone. And no one cares. But I do and I hate it. I don't even want to look at, or speak to that person. There is no respect. And the lies that have made this event come about do nothing to encourage compassion within my heart. Not that I'm a very compassionate person as it is (I know this to be very true so don't even try to say otherwise), but this makes me want to harden my heart towards you. You don't deserve it.

I know what you are thinking at this point Dad. But please remember this is my blog, my opinions and all I ask is that you don't make decisions based on my feelings.

Anna seems to think I have a Mr. Darcy in my life. It's absurd. She thinks it's RG. I told her my life is not based on a book, or a movie. As I have told several people in the last couple weeks, I wouldn't date him if he was the last guy on earth. He's stuck up, self-centered, and has a fear of commitment. And I do laugh at him. He is far from perfect, girls and, it's high time someone of the female gender realized this fact. This is sounding a bit like Elizabeth's opinions of Mr. Darcy isn't it? Who cares? While we're talking about all the things I don't like about RG (you guys do know how much I adore him so just let me have my say and we'll be done with it). I don't like that he is only attracted to far too skinny blond-headed girls and he has a whole slew of girls that fit that description who are fans of his. It disgusts me. I promise I have a whole list in the back of my head of things I don't like about him, but right now that is the only thing I can remember and it's not even completely accurate because he wasn't attracted to the Bobbsey Twins (the actual Bobbsey twin characters were, by the way, male and female unlike the twins I'm talking about).
Anyways, RG is the one friend I can have a conversation with on the phone and it's not weird nor do I dread it. Of course that's probably only because we don't ever talk more than 10-15 minutes and those are the kinds of phone calls I like: short, sweet and to the point. But then we cover a large range of topics too. In person, I try not to talk to him too much. I'm too comfortable around him. I don't care what he thinks and that gets me in trouble (with myself) at times.
I keep trying to think of girls that I approve of to set him up with, but his biggest fault is being a pecan farmer in South GA. What girl is going to want to live here for the rest of her life? I don’t know of any.
Oh, the other big thing I don't like about him is that he doesn’t come to church consistently. I don't understand that. If I don't go to church it's because I don't want too and that isn't very often. But he goes off for what? It's always something valid. It irritates me.
And I don't understand why he didn't tell. Wait, I do know. He forgot. I felt like his secretary today making phone calls so people would know that we are going to watch a movie instead of having the Bible study. Perhaps I should have left it that way and it would have been a very awkward night with just the two of us. Ha! Not really, there is no being awkward with RG. I am rambling. And I have far too many paragraphs about him. Just pray he lets me drive his truck. That will be the highlight of my week! I love his truck (just between you and me that is the only reason I'm his friend).

Josh Bales. Yes, let's talk about another guy. The concert is happening. I had a ten minute conversation with Josh on Thursday. We are both super excited about it. He is going to call me a couple weeks ahead of time and set the date then. RG told me today that whatever day I chose is good for him. Isn't he sweet? *yes, that was a bit of sarcasm* Actually, I was very thankful for that. I mean, he is going to be right in the middle of harvest and that would be so confusing to go between him and Josh over and over to get a good day. Be expecting more details soon.

I need to go to bed. I'm feeling rather ill emotionally and mentally. Do you know what I have realized about myself? Several things actually. One, I'm an emotional drinker. I drink coke when I don't want to deal with life or whatever is being thrown my way. At least it's not beer right?! Second, I don't need a man. I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself. I only want a man for one reason and it isn't a good one. As Carrie told me the other day, "That's your problem!" We both started laughing. I realize it really is a problem. But I don't know how to fix it. I've never *needed* anyone or that's the lie I've told myself and I seem to be doing pretty well at this point, so I don't see a need to change. I guess deep down, I'm asking for prayer. I don't even know at this point.

Of course, if I was telling myself and you the truth it would read a bit more like this: I do need people. I need my family. I need friends. I need to be taken care of. But I hate feeling like I need something. I don't like dependent upon others. So it's easier to ignore these stupid feelings of needing.

But we aren't dealing with the truth. We are dealing with lies. And right now I like the lies better than I like the truth. Again, the lie that it hurts less to need less is sounding pretty good.

Good night friends.

Free Time

I am sitting in my favorite (and the only) coffee shop in Toccoa. I can't help but remember all of the times Bethany, Meg and I sat here and drank coffee, talked about boys, laughed and just loved life.

Bethany is at work so I have a couple hours to do whatever I want until lunch. We are going to have lunch together. In the meantime, I am going to buy that girl some food. Her cabinets are bare and you don't even want to look in her fridge.

Last night we went to church with the boy toy (he LOVES that nickname! hahaha! not really.) and his posse. I know I probably won't explain his job well enough for you to understand. But what you (and Ben) need to know is that those young men are incredible. I was telling Marianna the other day that while I don't notice eye color very often I do notice what is being said by the heart through a persons eyes. You could see and feel the love pouring out of those young men for Ben and Bethel (their nickname for Bethany!). Their eyes said their hearts were soft and open. I really enjoyed hanging out with them. Next time I come up I plan to bake them something from scratch.

Oh, I feel like I need to let Ben know that I am very sarcastic. So if I pick or tease, it's probably just sarcasm. I approve of you. I think you are good for Bethany. So no worries. We are on the same side. :)

I forgot to tell you guys that I made a B in math and A's in my other two classes! I was praying for a C, so I was really surprised when my grades came in.

Well, I have just finished my muffin that was entirely too big and am now going to go shopping. I'll get to use my Ingles card (as I do about once a year!).

Crazy White Girl

I am supposed to be painting. But there have been tons of roadblocks this morning. For one, I told Joe the other day that if he left the paint brushes outside they would get bugs on them. Guess what happened? Yeah, they were left outside and were ruined. So I had to buy new brushes. Then I had to get Joe gas in the truck and run to Cochran to get my final grade (by my profs request). Guess who wasn't in his office? Dr. C. was nowhere to be found. So I made a trip to Cochran for no reason. That was a bit frustrating. My grades haven't been posted yet. I keep checking probably twice day to see if they have been. I really just want to know what I made in Math and Health. The Computer class I don't care about at all.

I might be going to see Bethany Wednesday. I'll spend the night and then come home. I need to see Bethany. She calms me and makes me want to be a better version of myself. Goodness, I need that right now.
Speaking of Bethany, I really think that if she and Ben want a country song to claim as their own they should go with "Then" by Brad Paisley. http://www.myspace.com/bradpaisley besides the fact that it reminds me of them every time I hear it, I just want "Whatever It Is" back. It was my song way before Ben was B's boy toy (to prove my point: http://augusttinker.blogspot.com/2009/04/makes-my-heart-melt.html). And when did Bethany start listening to country music?! I have listened to it for ages and now all the sudden since she's dating Ben she likes country? Ben. I know you read my blog. Do you listen to country on a daily basis? I'm just wondering where she got this love for country without me being there, refusing to let one else drive, listening to it as loud as it will get and dancing like a crazy white girl without any rhythm. :) I seriously love country music.

I think all of my siblings are sick or getting sick. I'm forcing them to take Airborne. And praying I don't get sick. I hate being sick.

I’ve gotta go. Spank is finished vacuuming and I need to paint now. And also make the boys do their chores.

Freedom

Taking three summer classes in one summer session was by far the stupidest thing I have ever done. I will never do that again. It's over. It's all over. I took my last and final exam for this summer semester. Praise the Lord! I wondered for a while if I was going to die! I can be so dramatic. But seriously, I thought for while this past week that I was going crazy!

I have ended this semester with knots all in my back. I plan to go see a massage therapist next week. My shoulders and neck are so sore, so full of pain and I feel the knots. I can't decide if I want the deep tissue massage or the hot stone therapy. Both sound amazing!

Dad is making hamburgers for lunch. I need to get dressed for work and then I guess I should go pick up my score for my final today. I won't get around to it Monday. I plan to paint kitchen cabinets, read a book, and lay out in the sun! I have so much free time! Hopefully, I will feel refreshed before fall classes (August 18th baby!) start!

Hello Beautiful, Dangerous Life

I am sitting on the toilet as I write... you didn't *really* need to know that, but it's the only time I have for "free time" right now.

So "crush" is just another word for infatuate. Infatuate means "to inspire or possess with a foolish or unreasoning passion, as of love". I'm afraid I have a crush/am infatuated with a guy I've seen around town. I look for him everywhere I go.

He is the reason I asked Mario about his too old/young formula. This guy is older than me. I've asked three different people about it. Bethany told me to stay away from him (not hard to do when I've only seen him at work and once at McDonald's almost a month ago). A new friend told me that "Maybe you are one of those women who go for older men." And Jared told me 1) find out who he is and 2) life is about taking risks.
Finding out who he is seems like a very good place to start. When I see him he makes my heart rate go crazy and I can't think. So... I don't know. What do you think?

I haven't been this stressed in years. Maybe not ever. Between three classes and my new job I have been running in circles trying to make sure I get everything done that needs to be done. I have cried more than I ever have when it's not that time of the month. I've spent more time in prayer. More time pouring over math than anything. I forget to eat unless it's on the run. I've had a stomach ache the last couple days. Felt like I needed to throw up but nothing would come. Thought about making myself, but then decided I didn't want to do that. Cried myself to sleep one too many nights. Drank way too much coffee and craved way too much chocolate. Not to mention one of my co-workers fell and broke her collarbone last Friday. She reminded me of Mom so much. Fighting the urge to run was really hard. I gave her medicine and gatorade from a cup with a lid and straw. You have no idea how many times I'd done the same thing for Mom. And then when she reached for the medicine, it was like watching Mom's hand, weak and wrinkled, reaching for pain meds.

Stress makes me want to sleep, eat, drink coffee and walk. *grins* The sleep and coffee part I've got down. Stress also makes me restless. I guess deep down when I'm stressed I want to run (oh, wait, isn't that just what I said a moment ago?) and run as fast and as far as I can. It also makes me stupid. I realized that last night when I went for a walk. I normally walk in the empty neighborhood near our house (it's just a road and woods) but the other night there were some people riding a golf cart in it and I didn't want to walk by myself with them there. So I walked on HWY 27 down to the next road. Semi-trucks are even scarier when they are going 60 plus mph and you are walking. Oh, and walking down HWY 27 is also a good way to pick up boys. I had two of the cutest boys I've seen in a while stop, turn around and ask if my car had broken down. You know I was/am going crazy when I didn't even feel defensive and on guard. I think the reason I didn’t feel that way was because the guy driving reminded me of Hank Ekkel. Goodness Hank was about as harmless as they come. But looking back, praise the Lord, those guys were just being good ol’ Southern Gentleman and they didn’t grab me, slam me into back seat and drive off with no one knowing what had happened to me.

Friday is the last day of summer classes. Thank goodness. I don’t think I could take another week. I am going to celebrate and take myself out on a date! My favorite thing to do. I'm thinking a movie and Starbucks while I read "Envy".

That being said, I need to go. I have a study guide to complete and I need to review all four chapters of the math. But before I go… The song of my life right now: “I Run to You” Lady Antebellum. You should listen to it. I love it. According to Joe, my song is "Fix You" by Coldplay... it does sound eerily like my life right now.

p.s. I didn't write this entire thing on the toilet so Dad no worries about me getting blood clots or whatever it is you say I'm going to get by reading on the toilet, etc!

Yoga, Dearest Yoga!

I don't have to be at work until 3pm. Yay me! I'm excited about that. That means, I have a a couple hours to do homework, do some yoga and write a blog! I'm loving this!

Okay, first things first... could someone please tell me what they believe chemistry (between a man and a woman) means/looks like/feels like? Is it important to the relationship?

Mario? What is your formula for knowing what is too old or too young? I can't remember off the top of my head. Half your age, minus or plus 7?

I'm feeling a bit better. I've gotten used to A being gone and there are aspects of having my own room that I LOVE. I won't share them, because there are some guys who read (and don't comment) who don't need to know about that part of my life. And I've also realized that throwing my clothes on the floor is just part of who I am. I can't help it. It comes naturally! Also, why, since I've cleaned my room, can't I find my other black flip flop? I have one, not the other.... not cool.

I have eaten at least two peaches every day this past week. It's been amazing! But I fear they are on the verge of going super soft so ice-cream, cobbler, etc will be on the menu in the next week. And probably freezing tons of them!

I am trying to work out a house concert with Josh Bales. He and I have been emailing for the past week trying to work out details. RG is pumped and has very kindly said yes to my rude question as to if I could borrow his house. :) He is amazing. Josh has said about 50 people... RG is thinking as many as we can fit in his house and are willing to pay $5-8 bucks. I'm cool with that!

I need to go. Yoga is so calling my name and I am lovin' hearin' it's voice! Pray for me. I have two more tests in my math class and I really need to do somewhat well on them! Right now, I'm pretty sure I have a C in this class... I suck at math. But I'm okay with that. I just need to pass!

Survive? More like Thrive.

I'm sitting on the floor of my VERY clean room... crying. I feel very lonely. I miss A. I miss B. I wish they were both home.

Do you realize that one day they will both be gone forever and I will here all by myself? Man, my life sucks.

I admit it. I am burnt out. I don't want to go to class tomorrow. I want to stay home. I want to do yoga. Read a good book. I want life to be uncomplicated. I want it to be free of struggles for a couple hours. This weekend has not been long enough. Life is breaking my heart right now. I feel so weak.

I hate feeling weak. I hate being burnt out. I hate that I am so prideful.

I will survive. I know I will and what's more I will not only survive, I will thrive. Life is an adventure that won't defeat me no matter how rough the road gets at times. I have two weeks and I will finish strong. In the meantime, I will suck it up and move forward. There is no going backwards for this baby girl.

I need to plan my week schedule. Good night.

Life in a Nutshell

I am trying very hard not to become burnt out. I had to force myself to study tonight and I didn't even study that long. Only about two hours. I am really struggling balancing all my homework. Pray for me. I have two weeks left of summer classes and I need the Lord's strength to get me through the next 14 days. I probably will not ever take three summer classes again (at least not in the shortened sessions).

Besides homework and time spent in class, I'm now working and that is a bit of an adjustment. I haven't worked outside of the home since we moved. And trying to balance my schedule so that I get everything done that I need to get done is becoming a bit overwhelming. I don't even feel like superwoman tonight. Tonight I wanna cry (that's the title of a Keith Urban song for you country music listeners). I seriously do want to cry. I am so thankful for this job. And since I get my work schedule a week in advance I'm able to plan accordingly, but plans don't always go the way they are scheduled and that stresses me. If I'm going to have a plan, then I am going to stick to it (as much as possible). So this past week I've had a massive headache almost all week because of stress, that time of the month, homework, work, the kitchen is a mess because I haven't been able to paint and I feel like I am not getting anything done. I hate that feeling.

Did I mention that I'm trying to make time to go to the gym? Yeah, that definitely doesn't happen on the days that I have to work. Which is a total bummer.

Not only that but I've ended my vow. The first day was really weird. I don't know how to explain it but knowing that I was "free" was a strange feeling. And I might have a guy problem... I had a class with this guy last spring and we are in class together this summer. Well, we've been "class-flirting". We talk, smile and wave if we can't actually speak to each other. He's attractive, but I have two big problems with him. One, I don't know where he stands with Jesus and a deep, growing relationship with the Lord is a given for me. Two, he smokes. I am not naive. I know that people do not change simply because you ask them to change. And in the past I have never considered a guy who smokes. In fact, I've always said that makes them very unattractive. What if I am ignoring emotions again and I am really am desperate for guy? What if I'm super paranoid about ignoring emotions and that is all I think I do (with my emotions).... Who knows, who cares. I don't feel desperate and I am not even considering anything beyond what I've just written, because he hasn't made a move, so there's no need for me to get my panties in a wad. He has my number (we exchanged numbers last semester) so if he's really interested he'll call and then I'll decide. Oh, the reason I think he might be interested (besides the class-flirting) is his sister (who works with Anna) told A that he has been talking about me and that "he is single and ready to mingle". I think that is a cute line. :)

I went to a wedding today. I love weddings. I love watching the bride and groom. They make me smile. I saw a lot of people I haven't seen in a very long time and that was a lot of fun. I definitely wished that I felt more comfortable breakin' it down in front of people. But I can't stand even the thought of attention being on me. So I didn't break any moves until I was in the car driving home. I want to dancing lessons! :)
Speaking of dancing, I love spending time with myself. I know that probably sounds selfish, but I don't have to put on a front with me, myself and I, so I really, really like hanging out by myself... almost more than hanging out with other people. I will admit there are moments when I wished I had girlfriends I could call at any time and just hang out with them. Maybe one day I'll stopped being so antisocial and actually call someone... or maybe not.

I bought a handbag. It's more like a clutch. The dress I wore to the wedding was black and my purse was brown. I don't like mixing those colors so I bought a small bag from Claire's and I actually LOVE it.

Hopefully I'll get around to cleaning my room this week. I have a new yoga video and I really want to try it out. But my room is so messy there is no way I can do yoga. It's all clothes. Whether I wear them or not they always end up on the floor.... ;)

Well, I don't think I have anything else to write about. I'm sorry this is so long. It's been a while since I've blogged and needed to get a lot of stuff out. I know there is more I could spout about, but I won't (not tonight anyways!). Good night.

My Life At This Moment

Today is the first day I've had "spare time" since Summer classes started. I had a test in all three of my classes and then no homework. It has been amazing. I spent all day getting the kitchen in shape to prime some more cabinets. I have kilz all over me. But I got half of the cabinets ready to be painted.

Classes are going well. I'm enjoying them greatly. But between work and class and homework I basically do not have a life. Although I do seem to have time to make my siblings mad. And I have time to quickly eat and sleep about 7 hours a night. Oh, and this week, I've been making time for the gym. That has been my life since summer classes started.

My vow ends in two days. I'm not sure how I feel about that. I have enjoyed not even being able to consider dating for the last month. Not that I haven't done that. I've failed my fast miserably. The only part of my fast that I've kept is the part to keep me from being an emotional eater. Praise the Lord He is forgiving. I am the worst of all sinners. I have repented more this past month than I probably have my entire life.

So two days and, boy, if I had money I would buy a coke. But I'm broke and all my loose change is in my Starbucks jar. Which I will probably using this Saturday when I drive to ATL with my 10 bucks of gas. My dearest and favorite "big brother" in the world is getting married. Thank You Jesus I can check boys out without feeling guilty and having to repent! It is not my fault You gave this girl eyes. It's not a sin to look only what I do after looking... ;)

Well, I'm off to bed. It's about my bedtime and I need to brush my teeth and put my pj's on. Pray I get some free time again. I need to finish these cabinets.

Live in Love

I feel like no one listens to me when I talk. But I can write a blog and get their attention. In fact most times whatever I write about is discussed among the family.

I am very worried about someone I love. He is always angry. No matter what happens or what we say to him he gets angry. I am seeing a trend. I love him, but I highly dislike the fact that he is acting this way.

I am prepared to take whatever comes from this blog. I'm sure it will be a full range of emotions from a lot of different people, but I can't take this anymore. I've already seen someone I love act this way and I hated it then and I hate it now.

I love you, but if you are so discontent with your life, then do something about it. You have options you just refuse to get up and do something about it. College, a job that seems more like a dream than a job, go on a trip across the states or overseas. Use your imagination and do something wonderful for yourself.

I love you so much and I hope you realize that. I am trying to say this in the nicest way I can think of, but nothing seems kind. So just know when I say this that I am not saying it in anger. I'm saying it in love. There is a season for everything and maybe it's your season to move on. You are so discontent with your life and being around us seems to make it worse at times. I don't want you to move out, but I don't like the way you are treating others. And there are times that I believe the only thing that will help is moving out.

Man, you are so smart, you are handsome, you're talented, you can do anything you put your mind to if you would believe in yourself and take a chance. You are incredible. Believe that not only do I feel that way about you, but the Lord does too and even more than I ever could.

I realize that I've probably made you angry, but I don't like you being so angry all the time. It makes me very worried and a bit scared that you are taking a path that I had hoped no one would ever go back down.

You are worth more than you know. You can do anything. I believe in you and I will support you until the day I die. But please stop living in anger. I don't know what it will take, but do something to offset this discontentment and anger. And know I love you.

Guest Bloggin'...

Wow. What an honor to be a guest blogger on Lydia's blog. 

I'm Bethany, Lydia's rarely-think-of-myself-as-older sister. It's an honor, really, to be related to Lydia and know that the same blood that runs through my veins is shared by her. That is a gift. 

Beyond the privilege of being family, Lydia is fabulous. Really, she is. Please. Let me brag about my sister. 

She has soul. She is seriously a sistah, you know, the kind that Claudia Mair Burney talks about in her books. Lydia may be freckled and blue-eyed, but deep down, the color of her soul is mocha. She has got sass and it makes that southern accent of hers get a little more ghetto. 

No one else can quite make me laugh like Lydia.  That girl can make me double-over and leave me gasping for air type of laughter. Lydia delights my heart in a way that completely is set apart from anyone else. To use her own words, she is "sooo stinkin' funny!!". If anyone thinks otherwise, get to know my sister, I dare you. 

She knows the heartbeat of my soul, the heartbeat of my mind. She is a prayer warrior like no one else, I know. She spends more time in the Word, more time on her knees, than anyone else I know - hands down. 

Lydia can make anything. Anything. Lydia walks into a kitchen, her fingers create magic in the form of food. Gourmet, come-back-beggin'-for-more, signature dishes. Enjoy her creations, take a second serving, but just don't ask for the recipe. She won't give it to you. She'll love you with food - absent the recipe attached to the dish. 

Her passions run deep as the ocean's waters, bold as a cup of Cary Grant coffee, and as rich as chocolate. That is my sister; but that is only the beginning. You can't simply summarize her, and walk away feeling like you gotten a full grasp of Lydia. That's simply silly. 

It is a sincere pleasure to be invited into her blog world. Lydia cherishes you, her readers. She talks about you; she lets her see you just as she is...So, to be invited to write alongside her, my goodness! It's a pleasure. I'm sure we will become good friends. If nothing else, because I will ride on the coattails of your devotion to Lydia. Which is fine - I'm completely okay with writing in the shadow of such a incredible woman. 

The Beauty of my Lord

I just had one of the most romantic nights of my life. The Lover of my soul took me on a lovely walk. We strolled along the road and He showered me with His love. The breathtaking sunset as the sky turned to dusk and the day came to an end. The beauty of His creation in the form of a red fox not more than twenty feet from me. And the alluring call of honeysuckles to come taste of their sweetness. All in one place for me to experience as my Savior took me by the hand and led me through a marvelous time of fellowship with Him. Oh, how I love my Lord.

My Desire

Okay, so now that all the heavy, glorious stuff is out of the way!

I can tell all I've been listening to is country. My southern accent is so strong it's not even funny (actually it is!). But I don't care. I like having a southern accent. I want to buy GA boots that fit so I can wear them during the winter. I want my own rifle (and/or pistol). I want to learn how to shoot and I want to go hunting. I want to float down the river. I want a hay bale. I want to take walks in the woods. I want to go mud bogging. Basically, I want to be a country girl through and through. I think in some ways I have always wanted it. But the older I get, the more I realize I want to be a true Southern Bell. I want to drive tractors, ride horses and I want to raise my children, in the south, doing all of those things.
I was telling the Lord tonight I may have been born in TN, but I should have been born in GA. I have loved GA since we moved here and believe I love it more now than I did 17 years ago.

I woke up with this verse in my head and it has stuck with me all day. Kind of a mixture of all these (thanks to all of my friends who sent me verses when I didn't have my Bible!):

Psalm 40:6
Sacrifice and offering You did not desire;
My ears You have opened.
Burnt offering and sin offering You did not require.

Psalm 51:16-17
For You do not desire sacrifice, or else I would give it;
You do not delight in burnt offering.
The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit,
A broken and a contrite heart -
These, O God, You will not despise.

Proverbs 21:3
To do righteousness and justice
Is more acceptable to the Lord than sacrifice.

Isaiah 58 (just read the entire chapter)

Hosea 6:6
For I desire mercy and not sacrifice,
And the knowledge of God more than burnt offerings.

I have not kept my vow very well. In fact, I have plain sucked at it. And I'm not trying to make excuses for that. I'm just beginning to realize that God would rather have my obedience, trust and praise more than anything. This vow has been a sacrifice of sorts and praise the Lord for second chances (or else I'd be done for!). I pray He continues to work in my heart as He has been and even more so because I am nothing without Him. He is my desire.

Bigger than Texas

I have so much to write about before going to bed.

If you've been reading my blog for any period of time, you know that I have problems bigger than Texas. And here comes more.

I cried myself to sleep last night. I was on the verge of hating/highly disliking Ben.

Growing up the one reason I hated Bethany making new friends was because I feared they would take her from me.

See, whether real or imagined, whatever attention I lacked from Mom, I got from Bethany. She has always believed in me. Always believed that I was worth looking after. She made sure that I knew I was loved and wanted. That I was smart and could do anything I decided to do. And I know some of you will say that Mom felt that way too, but the truth of the matter is, I never saw or heard it from Mom. I have feared losing Bethany and had an extreme dislike for many girls for that reason.

Friday Bethany put me on hold to talk to Ben twice. I don't think she has ever done that... not for Meg, or Dad, or anyone I can remember. I was mad. I yelled at Ben while on hold and told him he sucked worse than anything.

When I took the kids to Cold Stone (it was their first time) I sent Bethany a picture text and all she said was, "I'm so happy." That irritated me too. I wanted to make her jealous she was only with Ben and not with us.

And then I cried myself to sleep because I realized that Ben is taking my place. Of course, he isn't taking it in some ways, but in very many ways he is.

And I have been praying against highly disliking him ever since I realized all of this. I know that he is going to be around for forever. If Bethany doesn't know that, now she does. He is her one. I've said that from the beginning. Ask Anna, she'll tell you it's true.

My life is at a another turn in the bend. My life is changing once again. It's another big, huge change and I hate change.

But praise the Lord He is faithful. It's amazing to actually feel your spirit warring against your flesh. I really don't like Ben right now. But I don't want to not like him. Does that make sense? Mostly because I know it's wrong, and I know it will hurt Bethany if I'm nasty when he's down next weekend. And amazingly enough, I don't want to be nasty to him. That is a weird feeling.... mostly just because I'm usually more stubborn than an ox and I fight to the point of being spiritually knocked out. Can you tell God is taking over my mind, heart and spirit?

I've surrendered. I'm not going to mentally or orally fight Ben for Bethany like I have with Bethany and others.

In the past God has used young men to break me and to get my attention. A couple months ago I prayed that if the Lord was going to break me that He wouldn't use a guy to do it. My heart always ends up a bit bruised and I didn't want to deal with that.
The funny thing is, He used a guy, but not in the way I prayed against. I have been broken.

This vow has opened me up to Father Love in ways I never expected. I have finally realized that Bethany cannot be my source of self-worth. That comes from Christ Jesus alone. In Him I am more confident in my own skin than I have been in years. In fact, in some ways it feels like I've gone back to being 16. The only differences being my age and the fact that I love my Savior more than I love attention from guys (which is all I thought about at 16).

If you've made it this far in the post, you should at least comment and say you did. ;)

I've written all this to say that even though I have moments where I loath all that I am and even though there are times I accept without any doubt the lies satan feeds my mind, Father Love is taking over. I am changing to be a better, stronger, lovelier version of myself and it's all because the love of Jesus is flowing strong, wild and free within me. How could I not share and give Him the honor and glory He deserves for this marvelous work?!

how many more ways can i say "blessings"

1. air conditioning. ours went out tonight. it's amazing stuff.

2. candles. do you know how soothing they are?

3. i love memories. i have amazing friends... but i miss your friendship sir. i admit, i really miss being beyond sarcastic with you.

4. God's provision. i have a job. i start next weekend.

5. peace from Father Love. what would i do without it?

merci beaucoup mon Père cher.

Repent is My Every Other Word

I yelled at God today. More like raised my voice. Either way there was loud noises coming from my vocal chords. I repented. But I know what B is going to call and tell me. And maybe it's just me feeling competitive, or envious, or left behind, or all of the above. But right now left behind sounds like a very good way to put it.

Bethany and Caleb have gone to college before me. They've both gotten significant others before me. They have both known exactly what they wanted to do with their lives (goodness, I still don't know that!). They've both left the house before me. They have done everything before me. And yeah, I feel really left out and left behind.

I repented, of course, because I am in the middle of this vow. And maybe I should just cut out the country music because it makes me want a country boy even more than normal. Someone once told me that I would probably marry a farmer. I laughed at the time, but I wouldn't mind now.

Anyways, I really didn't care that Caleb had a girlfriend, I mean it was a bit weird because I never thought he would get a girl before Bethany or I had a boy, but that's what happened and we all love Hannah so who cares. And Amy? I thought the whole thing was stupid. But Bethany? I am happy for her. I really am, but seriously, I have a hard time listening to all of her mushy talk about Benny. But if she stopped I'd be mad (so Bethany, if you read this, don't stop!). I never thought it would be this hard. I don't feel jealous so I guess it's not envy. I just don't understand why they can have it and I can't. Of course, as RG likes to remind me, there aren't any options around here (except him and the more I'm around him, the more I am so glad he was never interested in me and the more I'm beyond happy I got over him).

Pray for me. I am having a hard time. And I'm not even sure why (besides the fact that I don't have a boy toy and I REALLY want one! :)) Lord, I repent.

On the plus side I am feeling more confident about myself than I have felt in a long time. Praise the Lord. I admit, I need to lose a few more pounds, but I'm not obsessing about it. I'm getting to the point of loving my body... but I really like my body right now and I'm not trying to hide my curves. ;)

I'm about to take Anna to work. I start classes next week and also my new job! I'm really excited about all of it. I can't wait for classes to start. I LOVE college! But not for the same reasons as the song. :)

Terrible, Horrible, and Just Plain Bad

Oh my goodness. I have just done the worst thing I've done in.... two weeks?! haha! My current guy problem.... I just told him that I am in love with a married man. I'm not really. I just LOVE Jason Aldean! I think he is my favorite country artist right now. I am going to buy that boys cd. But my guy problem (we'll call him James), James, told me that he had something personal to tell me. I said, Okay, tell me now. This was over fb chat. He said no, he had to tell me in person. I knew what he was going to say. He likes me. He has from the moment he saw me. How do I know? Because he has been like my little best friend ever since and one of his homeboys told me James liked me a couple weeks ago.

So then I told James tonight that I was in love with a married man. Actually it's my fb status right now. And maybe he'll take a hint that I'm not interested. Is that horrible?

I keep laughing.... ;)

I went to the Bible study at RG's tonight for the first time in two weeks. It was good. I've missed the study. I've missed RG, and everyone. Poor kid, RG looked like he was about to fall over. He needs more sleep.

I keep digging this hole with James. I need to tell him it's not true... but I really don't want too. He just told me he's glad I found someone. I am such a terrible person.

Okay, so my blessings for the day:

1. Time by myself. It's so refreshing.
2. Having been and continuing to be made fearfully and wonderfully in Father Love's eyes.
3. Amazing friends to hang out with and sing songs of praise to our Savior.
4. Forgiveness, forgiveness, and more forgiveness.
5. With a sense of humor (however sick it may be! lol)

Pot of Gold at the End

I took this picture Saturday while Joe and I were driving to Macon. Isn't it beautiful?! I love precious reminders of God's amazing love!
I couldn't get the entire thing, but it was a whole rainbow! It went into the clouds and came out on the other end. Absolutely breathtaking!

Blah, Blah, Blah (that's how i feel... kinda)

So I'm being really bad at this whole blog about a chapter a day thing. I will get back on target tomorrow. I'm just really tired right now and the headache I've had all day is getting a bit stronger.

I need to tell you guys about the current guy problem I'm having; about the kitchen cabinets; and I'm sure there is other stuff I need to update you on, but I can't remember right now.

Blessings:

Food after a 2 hour bike ride.

Water - the stuff never taste so good as it does in the middle of a bike ride.

My God given ability to smell. Do you know how many wonderful smells there are in this world? The tiny bit of things I've been able to smell is just incredible. I'm very thankful for my nose.

Friends to bike with on lonely roads (Dad sees this as a blessing too. He doesn't care for me riding by myself).

Hot showers (need I say more?!)

Top 5

Blessings

New music to share with friends (Meg, he's pretty amazing! http://www.myspace.com/benschofieldmusic)

Dad's hamburgers (they are always different, but always amazing)

Being able to scare people (this is a huge blessing)

Fully loaded potatoes (man, I love good food!)

God giving me exactly what I need

2 Peter

The Lord seems to want me to understand how important godly knowledge and understanding is in my life. The first half of chapter one is all about having godly knowledge and adding to your spiritual garden fruits of righteousness.

"...having escaped the corruption that is in the world through lust.
But also for this very reason, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue, to virtue knowledge, to knowledge self-control, to self-control, perseverance, to perseverance godliness, to godliness brotherly kindness, to brotherly kindness love. For if these things are yours and abound, you will be neither barren nor unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ." 2 Peter 1:4-9

Peter goes on to warn his brothers and sisters to be careful about false teaching. This is very important in the Christ walk. If you don't know what is true and what is false then what do you know? This is even important when we hear our pastors preach. We must know the Word, the gospel and the truth.
We have to be careful also in the people we spend time around. People are big influences whether or not we realize.
I love verse 8 of chapter 2:
"for that righteous man, dwelling among them, tormented his righteous soul from day to day be seeing and hearing their lawless deeds."

"The Lord is not slack concerning His promise, as some count slackness, but is longsuffering toward us, not wiling that any should perish but that all should come to repentance."

I forget His promises all the time! Especially His promise to return and take me home with Him. But as chapter 3 goes on to say, the day of the Lord will come as a thief in the night so to look "forward to these things, be diligent to be found by Him in peace, without spot and blameless; and consider that the longsuffering of our Lord is salvation..."

I pray I will REMEMBER His promises all the time! That my Lord will bring them to my mind and heart constantly so that I will be in peace, without spot and blameless on the day of His coming.

Bless Your Soul

B. Budgets (they help keep me on the straight and narrow)
L. Coffee (I cannot even begin to say how blessed I am that God chose to make coffee)
E. Memories (Panera will always make me think of B and road trips)
S. Music (that makes you wanna sing along because it speaks to you)
S. Books (man, do I LOVE to read)





p.s. I am not going to get around to blogging about a chapter of the WORD today. But I did want to let you guys know that I started reading 2 Peter. I encourage you to read chapter one. It's pretty amazing. I'll try to blog about both chapter 1 and 2 tomorrow. I have to cook for a picnic so I'll probably spend much of my day in the kitchen. And I'm going to bed now because Joe and I are getting up at 6:30 to go run/walk (I don't really run.... ;) haha).

Beer Gut? Ssaaayyy What?

I love music. And music like this makes me very happy. I mean, seriously, I'm not ashamed, I've got a beer gut. I'm not one of those girls who are afraid to eat. I am a fan of food. I don't understand America's fascination with super skinny women with flawless skin and tanned bodies. Most of us girls can't even begin to imagine that being a reality. So knowing that some random musician has noticed that there are hot girls with not-so-perfect bodies is enough to make this girl beyond proud.

Check out Trailer Choir (yes, I'm digging the country music as of late!).
http://www.myspace.com/trailerchoir

Rockin' The Beer Gut

There's a million different types of girls all around the world and they're all so beautiful
No one knows any better than me 'cuz I stare so constantly
But I think I met my match last night at the club, she was sippin' on a Bud, hangin' with her friends on a Friday night

Chorus
5 foot something, cherry bomb she had everything going on
The first thing that caught my eye
She was rockin' the beer gut and I love the way she's not ashamed
Rockin' the beer gut well it's just some extra love around her waist
Rockin' the beer gut she's more than hot, she's everything and with the blue jeans a little tight around her butt
Rockin' the beer gut

Well Toby Keith never looked so good hanging out right there on the front of her black t-shirt
As I walked up to the bar and said, "Can I buy you a drink girl?"
She spun me around and grabbed my hand and said, "First things first we're gonna dance, if you can cut a rug boy
After that, well you can."

Chorus
5 foot something, cherry bomb she had everything going on
The first thing that caught my eye
She was rockin' the beer gut and I love the way she's not ashamed
Rockin' the beer gut well it's just some extra love around her waist
Rockin' the beer gut she's more than hot, she's everything and with the blue jeans a little tight around her butt
Pretty little girl's, rockin' the beer gut

Bethany, Boy Toys and Vows

I am back. Well, I feel like the "real" Lydia is back. The happy, go-lucky, life-lovin' Lydia is back. I haven't felt this way in a while. A llloooonnnnnggggg while. I love me. That sounds so stuck-up. But I think I am a cool person when I let Jesus take over my heart and mind and love me something good... and actually BELIEVE He loves me and not just this fake (*sings inside head*), "Oooohhh, Jesus loves me, because the church and my family tells me so". Yeah, none of that in this girl. Right now, it's just me and Jesus. And He's loving His baby girl so fine that it makes my heart warm and melty.

I am sitting in Panera Bread Company in Macon. Joe is take the ACT and I have nothing to do but write a blog. So here I am and I'm enjoying every minute of it. I miss my myspace blogging days. Those blogs were always fun and full of life. That was back when I hadn't forgotten Who my Savior and Lover is. Amazing how it shows in every part of your life, isn't it?

Anyways, I love Panera because they have good food (I'm just drinking a frozen mocha right now), good smells, good looking boys come in the place (Lord, I repent!), and it reminds me of Bethany. Anything that reminds me of Bethany is a good thing.

She has a boyfriend now. His name is Ben. Bethany and Ben. B&B. Now you won't know who I'm talking about if I write "B". It has been the strangest thing knowing B has a boy toy. I mean, Caleb having a girl was a bit different. He and I don't have the bonds of sisterhood. We have the bonds of siblinghood, but not the bonds of sistahhood. There is a HUGE difference. Sisters just know things. We can feel it. We need each other like we need Jesus, air and water. If your sister is gone, then part of you is gone. It's hard to explain and for you to understand if you don't have a sister. B having a b-toy has been hard. One, she's not here. She isn't coming home after dates and telling me all about it (praise the Lord she's not because they go on dates and then spend all night talking on the phone! That boy'd be on my hater list as quick as that *snaps fingers*). I always imagined that she would be here and even after she left for college that image didn't change. I guess it should have, but it didn't. That and I guess I thought we'd go through it together. You know, she'd have a b-toy and I'd have a boy toy and we'd be all boy toy happy together. Yeah, not happening! Ha! I'm doing a stinkin' vow of celibacy for crying out loud! So it's not been easy to say the least. I've had a harder time than I care to admit. I mean, a much harder time. I think I've been looking at every guy that came my way like, "Oh, my word, he's probably the Chosen One!" My eyes start growing wider than a cat in a dead-end alley who's just been spooked by a ghost and my heart starts beating like a cow with the mad disease and my mind starts racing and, and, then POOF! Nothing. Boy runs, I am cure (not by choice) of my spooked-cat-mad-cow-racing disease and then I am left angry because I want to be sick, but not that kind of sick. Does that make sense?

Praise the Lord that SCMCR disease doesn't actually exist and that He is drawing my crazy heart back where it should be! In His caring arms.

I no longer have pink eye. I woke up this morning and my eye is as white as my other eye has been. Thank You Jesus! Heaven knows I was tired of looking like an zombie(as my brothers liked to ever so faithfully remind me). I really believe the wrist and the pink eye were spiritual attacks. I can think of no other reasonable explanation for them happening. I am expecting something to happen next week. I've been reading and praying Eph. 6 over myself. God has blessed me with protection! Amen to that!

Yesterday and today everywhere I've gone I have seen some FINE men. And when I mean fine, I mean F-I-N-E, fine. Part of my vow is to not even think about marriage, or having a boyfriend, or anything like that. I have been repenting like crazy! I believe this is satan trying to get to me. I refuse to be moved in the name of Jesus Christ my Lord! So keep me in your prayers as far (some lady just walked past me and man, did she smell like a wet dog! God forgive me that was not kind.).... uuuhhhh.... prayer. Fine men. Yeah, because God gave this girl eyes and fine men do not go unappreciated or non-admired. Keep me covered with the blood (dog lady just passed again! UGH!) of Jesus because this is a struggle (ask B and A, they know all too well!).

I need to go pee and then go pick up Joe. I hope you guys are having a very blessed day in our precious Lord's almighty and all powerful love!

The Blessed Five

1. Being sweetly admired when I felt like I looked horrible, actually I felt horrible and I wanted to cry after it happened because it made my day.

2. Cheesy Hallmark movies

3. Travel plans with the coolest girls EVER!!!! Watch NYC we are coming.

4. Late night runs for ice-cream :)

5. Sweet conversations with my Lord while I'm driving.

Psalm 111

"I will praise the Lord with my whole heart,
In the assembly of the upright and in the congregation."

This is verse one of Psalm 111. I, at times, find it harder to praise the Lord with my whole heart while I am in the company of "Believers". Am I the only one who feels this way? There are times that I feel like I cannot praise the Lord the way I want (with my whole heart) because I am afraid of what the "upright" and the "congregation" will think. It is ridiculous that I worry about it so much, but to be honest I do.

I want to tell of His great works and show others that His work is honorable, glorious and that His righteousness endures forever and I want to praise Him without shame.

I love that verse 5 says He is mindful of His covenant. What an amazing thing that He is aware of His promise of forgiveness and eternal life to those who trust and obey.

"The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom;
A good understanding have all those who do His commandments.
His praise endures forever."

See a common theme? This is the last verse in Psalm 111. And that is my prayer for myself to fear the Lord completely so that I may fully understand His wisdom and obey His commands thus offering Him the greatest praise possible: My complete life.

Habakkuk 3

The last chapter in Habakkuk is all about God's power, His wrath, and His faithfulness.
Verse 2, "O Lord, I have heard Your speech and was afraid; O Lord, revive Your work in the midst of the years! In the midst of the years make it known; in wrath remember mercy."
And verse 16, "When I heard, my body trembled; my lips quivered at the voice; rottenness entered my bones; and I trembled in myself, that I might rest in the day of trouble. When he comes up to the people, he will invade them with his troops."

Habakkuk knew the Lord would do as He said. He would bring the wicked down. Surely you can hear his cry for mercy and his wonder at being able to rest in the midst these days?

I do not fear the Lord as I should. I am not always in awe of the peace that surrounds me in the midst of storms. But, my friends, tell me where else would this peace come from, if not from the Lord? I should stand amazed that He has granted me His great and loving mercy; His peace in the storm.

I know the Lord will move as He wills and He will do as He desires, but do I truly know this? Can I truly understand this? And by understanding, can I truly fear and tremble before the Lord my God?

I don't remember when, but sometime ago (actually a long time ago) I underlined the last three verses. They say:

"Though the fig tree may not blossom,
Nor fruit be on the vines;
Though the labor of the olive may fail,
And the fields yield no food;
Though the flock may be cut off from the fold,
And there be no herd in the stalls -
Yet I will rejoice in the Lord,
I will joy in the God of my salvation.
The Lord God is my strength;
He will make my feet like the deer's feet,
And He will make me walk on my high hills.
To the Chief Musician. With my stringed instruments."

Though Habakkuk had just been trembling at the power of our God, he also knew that he could trust the Lord. He takes a stand. He makes a choice that no matter what he will trust the Lord. He will rejoice in the God of his salvation.

I pray that I will begin to truly understand how powerful and wrathful my God is, but yet how merciful and loving He is as well.

I have enjoyed Habakkuk tremendously. It's been amazing to read of God's faithfulness even in the midst of evil. He prevails. Praise the Lord for that! I needed to hear it. Evil has been in my midst and He has, He will be and He is faithful to me. I do not deserve it.

5

Blessings

1. Busy days that are needed to offset the lazy ones (that I seem to be having all the time now!)

2. Hair appointments. A change in styles is always appreciated (or not).

3. Kids who make me laugh! I love Spank.

4. Knowing when I am weak He is strong.

5. Toothbrushes (I love my toothbrush).

For Meg

Dear Meg,

I was very heartbroken to find you removed from my friends list. As far as I know you are nowhere to be found on Facebook.

But I was thinking about you today and wanted to share the following with you! I hope you enjoy.

http://www.hostessblog.com/2007/11/adorable-upcakes/

http://www.hostessblog.com/2009/04/adorable-owl-bird-cupcakes/

Have you seen this site?!
http://cupcakestakethecake.blogspot.com/2007/02/totally-adorable-cupcake-bracelet.html

http://www.insanitytheory.net/kitchenwench/lemon-cupcakes/

http://www.amazon.com/Hello-Cupcake-Irresistibly-Playful-Creations/dp/0618829253/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1244658627&sr=8-1

I am your biggest cupcake loving fan!

Much Love,

Lydia

Habakkuk 2

The first thing that strikes me about this chapter is that Habakkuk is waiting on the Lord. He is standing watch to see what the Lord will say to him.

I am not a patient person nor do I care to be corrected. But waiting on the Lord is of great importance. I have no knowledge that compares to the Father, the Creator of all. So patiently waiting for His answer (no matter what the reply will be) is on of the greatest ways to show Him respect (in my opinion).

Let's jump to Proverbs 1:1-7 :
The proverbs of Solomon the son of David, king of Israel:
To know wisdom and instruction,
To perceive the words of understanding,
To receive the instruction of wisdom,
Justice, judgment, and equity;
To give prudence to the simple,
To the young man knowledge and discretion -
A wise man will hear and increase learning,
And a man of understanding will attain wise wise counsel,
To understand a proverb and an enigma,
The words of the wise and their riddles.
The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge,
But fools despise wisdom and instruction.

Here we have it spelled out very clearly that the only way to gain godly understanding, wisdom, justice, judgment and equity is to fear the Lord. If we do not fear the Lord, how will we trust that His wisdom and knowledge is greater than our own? If we don't trust Him, how can we expect to wait for His answer?

Psalm 37:1-11 goes right along with Habakkuk. It says:
Do not fret because of evildoers,
Nor be envious of the workers of iniquity.
For they shall be cut down like the grass,
And wither as the green herb.
Trust in the Lord and do good;
Dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness.
Delight yourself also in the Lord,
And He shall give you the desires of your heart.
Commit your way to the Lord,
Trust also in Him,
And He shall bring it to pass.
He shall bring forth your righteousness as the light,
And your justice as the noonday.
Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for Him;
Do not fret because of him who prospers in his way,
Because of the man who brings wicked schemes to pass.
Cease from anger, and forsake wrath;
Do not fret - it only causes harm.
For evildoers will be cut off;
But those who wait on the Lord,
They shall inherit the earth.
For yet a little while and the wicked shall be no more;
Indeed, you will look carefully for his place,
But it shall be no more.
But the meek shall inherit the earth,
And shall delight themselves in the abundance of peace.


Oh, how rich are the promises of God! The Lord is saying in Habakkuk and in Psalm 37 not to worry about the wicked because He knows their end. They will be cut off, but those who wait on the Lord will inherit the earth.

At the end of chapter two the Lord tells Habakkuk that there is no profit in setting up false idols who can do nothing. They can't speak, they cannot hear, they can't teach, they can do nothing. I have found that instead of trusting the Lord, my Creator, I often trust other "things" to give me answers, comfort, etc. I have discovered that doing this only brings me more worries, more discomfort, more stress. The very last verse in Habakkuk says, "But the Lord is in His holy temple. Let all the earth keep silent before Him." Sometimes our best form of worship is being silent before the Lord. Trusting and resting in Him alone.