Really Nasty Things

I walked into my room and all I wanted was a journal. But I don't have one because I stopped writing in a journal by hand a long time ago. This is all I have right now so it will have to do...

I am feeling really emotional right now. Partly because Mother Nature is making her rounds and the other part... I'm not really sure why.

I want to write some really nasty things about certain people. But I'd get in trouble. That's why I need a journal. *evil grin*

Sometimes I just miss him. I miss being around him. I miss his sarcasm, his jokes, how he made me laugh. I never once felt pressured to be perfect when I was around him. Sometimes I go through his facebook pictures; I did that tonight actually. I've thought a lot about him today. I guess because it's 9/11 and he's overseas... I think in Kuwait. I'm not really sure. I've been praying for his safety and for his safe return to the states. I hope he makes it in December. I would love to see him.

Did you remember it's 9/11 today? It's hard to forget; especially with everyone you run into (in person or online) makes a comment about it. My heart goes out to the families of 911. And even more so to the men and women fighting for my freedom. Thank you for all that you do.

My French prof is pretty much the most amazing, incredible professor ever. I told you about the scholarship right? Yeah, so as much as I want to go to France, I've been doing some mental math and I just don't think I can. I mean, I've got Josh Bales coming up, a maid of honor dress to buy, and decorations for a bridal shower; not to mention, I now have a puppy who is only about 12 weeks old and I told Dad I would buy his food. And I plan to keep doing that. And I'm feeling really pressured to start buying my own gas. I need a second job. I don't know how I can do all of this and afford to go to France. There is no way unless I quit school and work full time. Which, by the way, I'm not going to do. Je ne sais pas. I don't know. I don't know what to do.

I've decided on a major. I've decided on a career. I've decided where I'm going to live after I graduate. I've decided after working and saving for two years where I'm going to go on vacation. I have my life planned out up til I'm around the age of 31. I have the next 8 years of my life planned. You may laugh and that's okay, but if you don't have a plan, then what do you have? Nothing. You have a lifeless dream that may or may not come true. At least I have a goal; something to work towards; a desire, a dream, a reward at the end of my road. I have something to fight for and I want my plan to work out. So laugh if you want, but keep it to yourself. I don't want to hear it.

My plan: is to become a 4 year RN. I want to be a nurse. I love patching people up. I would be good at it. I know I would. So I'll start next fall in a nursing program. I'll be 24. Man, I'm old. Flash-forward four years, I'm 28, graduated, and moving to Apalachicola. I love it there. They have a hospital I can work at and the idea gives me thrills! I'll live there for two years and then I'm going to England, France, Ireland, I don't really know. I just know that when I'm 30 that's where I want to be. I'll stay there for a couple weeks, maybe a couple months and then move back to South GA. I'm going to buy some land and build myself a house.

I haven't quite figured out what to do with my babies when I'm in France... I now have a puppy. Did I tell you I was getting a puppy? He's a black lab. His name is Bandit. He is the sweetest puppy ever! So I have my own little family now. Queen Sheba (my cat) and Bandit (my dog) and me. *smiles* I told this to Carrie and she said, "Now all you need is a husband!" I replied, "I don't think so! I don't need a man at all." And I don't.
Men are stupid. I've yet to meet one who doesn't make me feel like I don't measure up. And all the guys I know, I'm too fat for. Which is depressing. It makes me not want to eat. I know that is wrong and I am eating so no worries. I had crunch bars, Doritos, and a coke at work today. I was hungry... I've already mentioned the reason why so I see no need to repeat it.

I need to go to sleep. Ryan is bringing my gun back tomorrow. And then I'm going to the shooting range. Then I'm going to study until 1pm-ish (I will officially bring Bandit home then). I'm gonna give that puppy a bath and then study some more. Probably at RG's house so I can have Bandit in the same room with me. RG doesn't care. I took Bandit to the Bible study Wednesday night. He is such a good dog. He didn't bark, whine or wiggle. He just sat in my lap. I am so excited! I'm going to study all Sunday afternoon too.

Night y'all. Have a wonderful weekend.