10 Things

1) Always carry your purse. No matter how short the excursion (ride into town or a cross-country trip).

2) If you want friends, you yourself must be friendly.

3) Going to the movie theater by yourself is relaxing.

4) Pregnant women can do anything a non-pregnant woman can (roll down hills, do cartwheels in the living room, etc).

5) The first couple chapters of Proverbs is perfect for sex education.

6) When a guest enters the house always offer them something to drink and eat. If they say they're fine, get them something anyways (they're probably lying).

7) Every animal needs a good home (and ours is the perfect fit).

8) To say "Yes ma'am", "No ma'am", "Yes sir", and "No sir" even to people younger than me. They deserve respect too.

9) How to let men be men and open doors, hold luggage, etc, etc (I'm not always good at this though.... I am Woman! Hear me Roar!).

10) No matter what happens God is in control.


10 things I learned from my mother.

Your Love is my Drug

This is my favorite pop/hip hop (whatever you want to call it) song right now. You wanna know why? Because this song tells me I am right. And you know what? I *love* being right.

I have no idea who Ke$ha is. But I do know her song, Your Love is my Drug, screams the truth of everything I wrote in my Premarital Sex blogpost.

If you haven't heard the song, well, here ya go.

I'm kinda addressing Ke$ha and my readers.... just bear with me. ;)

Maybe I need some rehab (seriously, Ke$ha, I am seeing a therapist after having premarital sex. So yeah, you probably do)
Or maybe just need some sleep (Dad has *always* said nothing good happens after 12am and I can testify to that being true)
I got a sick obsession (basically, you have an idol. Not good, honey)
I'm seeing it in my dreams
I'm lookin down every alley
I'm making those desperate calls
I'm staying up all night hoping hitting my head against the wall (yep, let me just give you Mrs. Gentry's number. Cuz I think you need to see her)

What you got boy, is hard to find (not really, because any guy will give it to you if you let him. the key is not letting him)
I think about it all the time
I'm all strung out my heart is fried
I just cant get you off my mind! (girlfriend, you actually need to get Jesus on your mind. It would help your whole problem)

Because your love your love your love is my drug
Your love your love your love
Your love your love your love is my drug
Your love your love your love (sex becomes addictive - once you have it, you want it again and again. So unless Jesus gets control of your heart, mind and soul, it will become your [my reader not Ke$ha] drug too)

Won't listen to any advice
Mommas telling me I should think twice (let me tell you, if your family says no, you need to listen. They most likely know you better than anyone. And, also, if you feel like you can't tell your family about your significant other, you should not be seeing that person. Cut it off. It's not worth it)
But look into my own devices, I'm addicted it's a crisis (your entire life has become about you. Wrong place to be. If your life isn't about Christ you got a serious problem)
My friends think I've gone crazy
My judgments gettin kinda hazy
My steeze is gonna be affected if I keep it up like a love sick crack head (what in the world is a "steeze"?!)

What you got boy, is hard to find
I think about it all the time
I'm all strung out my heart is fried
I just cant get you off my mind!

Because your love your love your love is my drug
Your love your love your love
Your love your love your love is my drug
Your love your love your love

I don't care what people say
The rush is worth the price I pay
I get so high when you're with me
But crash and crave you when you leave (Point 5 in my post sums this up - but with more force and a lot more truth. Women continue having premarital sex because the "sexual high" makes them feel good, beautiful. But when it's gone so are all of those positive feelings. Then you just want to die until you get that "high" back. This is my favorite part of this song because it tells me I'm right)

Hey, so I got a question
Do you wanna have a slumber party in my basement? (I think someone tweeted this officially made Ke$ha a creep. Who in the world has slumber parties in their basement? No one. It's weird.)
Do I make your heart beat like an 808 drum
Is my love your drug? your drug?
Huh, your drug?
Huh, your drug?
Is my love your drug?

Because your love your love your love is my drug
Your love your love your love
Your love your love your love is my drug
Your love your love your love

Because your love your love your love is my drug
Your love your love your love
Your love your love your love is my drug
Your love your love your love

Hey, hey, so
You love, your love your love, is my drug
(She says) I like your beard

Thank you, Ke$ha, for singing truth even if I'm the only one who sees it (or rather hears your song and interprets it that way).

Pressing Forward

God has given me an unquenchable desire to see other girls (men too) remain pure. I have a passion for purity. Because of this passion and because I hope to spare others from the same pain I've endured I started a girls book discussion group (later to be named WOP i.e. Women of Purity).

I invited my favorite girlfriends (over the age of 21) to join me every Thursday night at 9pm at Starbucks to discuss the book Emotional Purity. We read three chapters of the book each week and then met together to talk about the book and anything else relating to being pure before the Lord.

I have grown so much in my walk with the Lord through leading these amazing girls. I have been convicted (no longer have an "exception guy") and challenged (to reveal the idols in my own heart) and loved.

My challenge to you is to start your own book discussion club. Call it WOP if you want! :) But emotional purity is not preached within our churches. We talk about physical purity (which is good) but if we get down to business and face the facts: physical impurity happens when there is an emotional connection.

Wake up people! If we need to start living radical lives for Christ. We are supposed to be like a city on a hill whose light cannot be hidden. If we were truly honest we'd admit that our "christian" lifestyles are not any different than nonbelievers.

Somethings gotta give. And it won't give unless you give it a push or a shove. Push and shove your own idols (idols being anything that brings you pleasure or happiness that causes you to sin or anything you are willing to sin in order to have) out of your life. Press forward to the goal of being more and more like Christ.

Boundaries

This is my 200th blog post (on blogger... there's quite a few more from my younger and more innocence life).
Blogging has been my form of journalling for years. It's been good; a form of release in extremely trying times. I recommend it for everyone.

The Lord has really pressed upon my heart to come up with God honoring boundaries within dating relationships and even guy/girl relationships in general. I've spent the past couple weeks praying about it. I want to honor the Lord so much in everything I say and do and I really believe He is leading me in the following direction (as far as relationships are concerned) and I'm telling you guys so you can help hold me accountable.

Relationships/friendships with Guys -
1. With the exception of one man* there is absolutely no "alone time". This includes riding in a car; being in his (parents) house (or he in my mine); no one-on-one sessions for coffee or lunch, etc, etc. There needs to be a girl/sister/brother with me.
2. No physical touch beyond a hug and even that will be limited to a few certain guys.
3. No flirting. I've been told I need to be coy and, even if I'm interested in a guy, to act like I'm really not. But I hate games. Especially when it comes to peoples hearts (emotions). So no flirting and if need be I will make sure the guy knows exactly where I stand.

Dating Relationships -
1. Limited "alone time". What I mean by that is dates will be in public places: well-lit restaurants, coffee shops, etc. No alone time in his house (or mine). Car rides need to be very limited.
2. No kissing. I don't think holding hands or hugs are inappropriate but I don't want to kiss another guy until my wedding day. In my experience kissing can lead to other things far too quickly and I'd rather not have that temptation. I have to admit I had my inspiration from my Exception Guy.

I can't think of anything else at this moment. But if I do I'll let y'all know. Just keep me in your prayers.

*The one man who is my exception for guy friendships is RG. I know it probably sounds stupid to have an exception, but 1) I have a peace about this and 2) I trust RG with my life and to also be completely God-honoring in everything he does. Soooo.... call me ridiculous if you want, but RG is one of my best friends and I've never known him to do anything that didn't bring glory to the Lord. He is also the reason I've decided to not kiss again until my wedding day. He told me he believes that is the right thing to do and I respect him so much that hearing him say it made me stop and consider that for my own life.

Premarital Sex

I lost my virginity about 4 weeks ago. I am almost 24 years old and up to that point I had never even been kissed.

I know it was wrong. No, it’s not the way my Mom or Dad raised me. I'm asking if you don't have anything nice to say, then please do not say anything at all. Just take what I'm about to write as a warning or to encourage young women not to have premarital sex.

If someone had told me the following about premarital sex I believe I would have stopped and actually thought about what I was about to do to myself.

1) In my experience premarital sex has made me feel not only unworthy of a godly man, but of life. It has increased suicidal thoughts greatly. I've struggled with those kinds of thoughts in the past, but nothing like I do now.

2) Premarital sex has made me feel ugly not only when I look in the mirror but every waking second of my day. I struggle to see beauty in myself.

3) Premarital sex has made me despise everything I am (see both of the above).

4) Premarital sex has completely taken away my desire for a relationship.

5) Premarital sex made me feel cherished, desired, like I was the most beautiful woman in the world. Premarital sex gave me all of those things in the *moment* it was happening. But the moments after the "sexual high" was over have been the exact opposite of all of those things.

Because of #5 I now know why girls who have premarital sex continue having premarital sex. The reason is that it is in those moments of passion that they feel beautiful, cherished, desired and, last but not least, loved and outside of having sex they struggle to see and feel those things in themselves.

People who throw emotions around and act like they have no meaning are fools. Emotions, feelings are powerful and not to be taken lightly.

For girls, after those moments of passion, all of those feelings disappear and (once again) they become ugly (to themselves and, in their mind, to everyone else); they are no longer worthy of being cherished or desired (both of those feelings are beyond important to a young woman’s self-esteem); and there is no love for themselves nor from other people.

Girls, young ladies, women of all ages, I can guarantee one thing: any man who convinces you to have premarital sex him has nothing but selfish lust. I guarantee there is no love involved whatsoever. I don’t care if he tells you a billion times that he loves you. He’s speaking lies straight from the pit of hell.

Oh, and any man who guilt-trips you into having premarital sex with him by saying something along the lines of, “If you really love me you will have sex with me.” He doesn’t truly love you. He also has nothing but selfish lust and is speaking lies straight from hell.

Premarital sex is an ugly black hole that sucks you in further and further until you've completely lost your self-esteem, your confidence, your beauty, and your innocence. You lose everything when you have premarital sex. You lose you. And it's not worth it.

But for those of you who have had premarital there is hope. After telling a good friend of mine that I had premarital sex and after telling her a of bit of how I felt, she looked at me and said, “Lydia, all of that can be restored. If you truly believe in Christ, and I know you do! And you believe that He is a God who restores, and I know you do! Then you believe He can restore you.” I wanted to cry. That was the first message of hope I had heard from anyone.

And, you know what: I do believe God restores all. I know I sinned and I have sought forgiveness at the throne of the Most High. I have been given far too much grace, mercy and love. You can have forgiveness, grace, mercy and love from Jesus Christ too. He stands waiting for you. He freely gives hope and new life.

I've always said I had no regrets in my life and everything that has happened to me I would do again. But this, this I would change. I would save myself for a thousand years and more to be able to save my virginity until my wedding night if I could start over again. Praise the Lord He forgives.

So I am “airing my dirty laundry” because if I can help someone else not go through the same pain then I will shout this from the mountaintops. So if you are (or a friend is) considering having premarital sex or if you have been there already, and you need someone to talk with: I’m here. Feel free to private message me about anything: salvation through Jesus, premarital sex, life, etc, etc. I promise I will not judge. I will not condemn. I have no place or right and all I have to offer is love through Jesus Christ. I also promise that if you decide to message me what you say will not go beyond our messages.

I beg you save yourself for marriage. Stay a virgin until your wedding night and be proud of it. I don't care what your friends are doing or what they say, I promise it's not worth the pain and headache. You are worth more and you deserve more. You are loved, cherished and desired by Jesus Christ. And He believes you are beautiful. Keep your purity. Save your virginity. You have a gift you can't take back once given. And it's worth holding on to for as long as needed.

John 8:1-12

Sometimes I Hate

I feel horrible. I always do when I tell a guy it's not going to work out. I feel like I lead him on (even if I didn't). I feel like I did something terribly wrong (even though I haven't).

I want to cry. and go to bed right now.

Sometimes I hate what comes with life. Including emotions, feelings, possibilities, the hope (of anything really).

I'm praying for you Mr. JGG. I promise with all of my heart, mind, body and soul that I did not intend to hurt you (if I did).

Music and Butterflies

I will never understand men. I need to get this in my head. In the meantime, I have some serious butterfly issues right now.

I still love France. I always will. And I have fallen in love with Coeur de Pirate. I don't normally like female artist, but she has the coffee house sound that I love and... she sings in French. oh.my.word.

Love and the Rest of the Story

I promise very soon to do a blog post on some products around the house that I *love* and on some I don't. :)

But I feel like it's time for an update on my love life (or rather my lack of).

As you all know I have another month left on eHarmony. April 12th cannot come soon enough. I was praying today about taking a sabbatical from dating (and even the idea/thought of dating) after my subscription ends. Y'all. I am freakin' tired!

Anyways, boys. Let's start with Mr. Music. Based on previous experience with guys, if a guy doesn't contact you for more than 3 days in a row, well, that just means he is not interested, or he's gotten tired of you, or you wouldn't have sex with him so he's through being sweet and nice and he is both tired of you and no longer interested.
I am assuming that Mr. Music is just not interested. And I've accepted that fact. But I hope we can be friends (hopefully it won't be awkward) because he is a cool guy and he has an amazing heart for the Lord.

I have realized that every person you come in contact with you give a part of yourself to them and you never get that part back. It is sweet for sure, but also annoying.

Well, I am still closing matches like it's going out of style. And I've realized that the more you are on eHarmony the more matches they send you. It's weird.

Mr.-Wound-My-Spirit. He is the next and only other guy I've "talked" to. But he should really be called Mr. Jolly Green Giant. The kid is 6'5" and wears a size 16 in shoes (I know because he told me). I have been praying about how I should tell him that this is not going to work. I mean, if after the first phone convo I feel like less of a woman (and I not only cleaned while on the phone with him, but found my long-lost-and-forgotten first aid kit, straightened my laundry and begged A to bring me my computer) then clearly it won't work. I need a man who empowers me as a woman (to be the best wife, mother, friend, sister, daughter, etc, etc) just as I will empower him as a man (to be the best husband, father, friend, brother, son, etc, etc).

My problem: I have yet to tell Mr. J.G.G that it's not going to work. AND HE CONTACTS ME ALL THE TIME!! What's a girl to do?! I need tell him. I know.

I had to pause my blog writing to check on a deer Joe hit. Joe shot it to end its misery and I wanted to skin and gut it but it was too small to have any good meat. I was a bit disappointed. And I will admit feeling a bit sick to my stomach. I've only even been that close to an animal being shot when Joe killed that rattlesnake I gutted last summer. I am going to get used to it. I still want to go hunting.

Anyways, back to Mr. Jolly Green Giant. I am going to tell him. I will not let it continue. He is sweet, funny, and loves the Lord, but he is not for me. Pray for me. I find I'm lacking courage.

That is the end of my "love life". I could say it sucks but really and truly it doesn't. I am resting in the Lord. I feel content.

My Baseball Cap

I know a guy who wears a baseball cap all the time. I've never seen him in person or in a picture without one.

I hate hats. I can only wear one kind of hat that looks good on me. You got it: a ball cap. A baseball cap.

And I occasionally like to wear a baseball cap (especially on days like today when my hair is CRAZY curly and completely out of control!).

I bought the above cap so I would not only have one of my own but so that when I wanted to wear one I wouldn't have to worry about where it has been for the past couple weeks (like maybe under my brothers bed or something).

I like it. It's gray (one of my favorite colors). It says "Hawkinsville, GA" across the front (that's my favorite town). And it fits me (told you I look good in a cap!).

I've pretty much worn it since buying it. And I've realized that baseball caps are perfect for hiding. You can pull them far down on your forehead and no one can see your eyes (or crazy hair). You can keep the world out. You can control what people see and how they see it. Ball caps are amazing.

Hiding is much easier than stepping up into the open and letting people see you.

Letting people see you is freeing. It brings relief. I pray I don't start hiding behind my cap (unless my hair is being ridiculous and that, my friend, makes hiding a must! for the sanity of the rest of the world and me!).

My Wounded Spirit

I believe God gave women a mind and a voice. I believe we are to use our mind to think intelligently. I believe we are to use our voices to speak truth. And I don't like feeling like men believe either are wrong.

I have less than one month left on eHarmony. Thank You Jesus. The entire online dating journey has been mentally and emotionally exhausting. I have talked to a quite a few guys. It's weird to "talk" to more than one guy at a time but that is the method with online dating. Anyways, I spoke on the phone with a guy tonight and he made me feel that because I'm a woman I shouldn't have an opinion. He made me feel like I shouldn't, and even couldn't speak my mind.

I am definitely not the smartest cookie on the block. But I am intelligent. I love to think. Granted, I probably think too much for my own good, but still I love to process.

I don't think it was his intention, but he made me feel insignificant because of my gender. And I did not like that. God made woman just as He made man: beautifully and wonderfully made. God gave me a brain and the ability to speak and form opinions. He made me a passionate woman with feelings and emotions. He created me to stand for truth and to fight with all I have for those things I believe are right.

Yes, He formed me to be a helpmate. Yes, He designed the relationship between a man and woman so that the woman should submit to the man. But He did not create man as the "better" sex. Just because you are a man does not make me, as a female, the lesser person.

My Dad reminded me that through this journey of online dating, even if nothing comes out of it (which at this point I really don't see anything coming out of this journey), I will learn something about myself.

And I have. Tonight, I've realized more than ever, that while I desire to be loved as one man's wife, and someday as the mother of his children, I also desire to loved because of the intelligence, God-given passion, and voice (of truth, love, grace, peace, and forgiveness) I bring to the world surrounding me. I desire to touch all who come within inches, feet, and miles of my life with the Father's great and mighty love. And I desire a man to see that I am not limited by my gender, but rather I have strengths where he has weaknesses (as he has strengths where I am weak) and that God created him as the male to be the leader, and I, as the female, to be the one who submits, but God also created us to balance.

Maybe this is all my feminine pride coming out in full force although I don't think it is. My spirit feels wounded. I feel like less of a female. And now all I want to do is cry. But praise God His mercy, grace, and love never leave me feeling rejected, forgotten or inferior.

"Oh, he's perfect... He's just not for me."

How many times have you heard that from a girl? I know I've said it before.

Almost every girl I know has that "perfect guy friend" but they would never consider him "marriage material".

But almost every girl I know (myself included) also complains about how there just aren't any guys within their social circle they would even consider.

My Dad has often said that as long as two people love the Lord and have Christ as their foundation for life they can make a marriage happen.

I think, we as women, fantasize marriage based on what our culture has told us it should be and we forget that marriage is work. It's hard work.

I loved this article for several reasons. One, she reminds us that the men who are kind, gentle and "there" are usually the best for a long-term relationship (which is what marriage should be: till death do you part). Two, in our society women are encouraged to have a job outside of the home or they are looked down upon for not achieving that level of success, but I know a lot of girls who are terrified that one day they won't have that white house with the picket fence and the 2.4 kids. She reminded me that sometimes looking for "Mr. Right" isn't always right.

Sounds like our "perfect guy friend" could be our "perfect marriage partner".

Just a thought....

My Advice (for women)

I am by no means a makeup guru. In fact, I wear a little as possible at all times. That means mascara and sometimes eye shadow. But I've discovered a makeup tip that can help any woman.

Lately, I've been staying up wayy too late and getting up too early. I need sleep like I need Jesus. I need sleep like I need air. More than food, probably not more than water, but I would say an equal amount of water/sleep is good. If I don't get sleep I get grumpy.

I also get dark circles under my eyes. I've found a way to help cover the darkness without putting on a full face of makeup. And I'm soo happy about it too. I hate put on all that makeup. It's too much work.

All you do is stay away from dark eye shadows. Use a light shade on your eyelid and it helps to brighten up your face.

Example:



My current favorite is Maybelline New York Enchanted Forrest number 24. The bottom left corner shade is a shimmering neutral. It's perfect. I have it on in the picture above.

Nothing More than a Friend

I have a problem. My newest co-worker, I believe, may like me a bit. I promise I'm not vain. But Deb said something to me last night about it and then I asked A and she agrees he is probably interested.
I am not at all interested in him. I haven't acted any differently towards him than my other co-workers. A has seen me around him multiple times so I asked her the other day if she thought I was flirting or if I treated him differently than others and she said no. She said I treat him the same way I do Nicole. So I know I've not done a thing to encourage him.

I just don't know what to do. I haven't been and won't ever be interested in him. But I'm unsure of how to handle the situation. Not to mention, I'm trying to get him to come to the Bible study because he doesn't have any friends and he needs the Lord.

I feel a bit trapped. If I change my "sunny, happy-go-lucky" attitude, not only will everyone notice, but it would be awkward. I am that way towards everyone so if I suddenly change towards him but not anyone else that is definitely a recipe for disaster. And I could then also turn him away from the Lord and I really don't want to do that. I believe his heart is open to the Father. He just won't come to the study. But he is interested in what we are studying and he's told me that my asking him to come has made him realize that God has not forgotten him.

Why must guys be so complicated? I just want to be a friend and to share Christ.

Sweatin' More Than a Pig

In response to my post "Er... Uh, Hello... Mr...?" I have come a conclusion. When dealing with "good" guys it is best if you just completely be yourself. Wow. Novel idea. Revolutionary. *I hope you caught my sarcasm.

I know that is the only thing to do with any guy. But it hit me the other day and I wanted to share.

Let's be honest. In my bedroom I am not an organized person. It drives Anna crazy. I wash my clothes and they stay in a basket until I need them and then they tend to end up on the floor. My desk is a complete mess. I clean and straighten every once in a while. And let's not even talk about the dresser.
But something that has become a very big irritant is the eHarmony matching system. I can't stand have "new matches". So I do something with them. It makes me feel organized. Ridiculous, I know, but I can't help it. I usually close them. Or I open communication and then close it later. Either way I end up closing the match. The only thing that is holding me back from actually closing my account is that I paid for one more month and I can't stand the thought of not getting my moneys worth.

I had plans to tan today, but it's raining. I don't like rain. And it's foggy. I don't like fog. I shouldn't complain about the sun. Although, I do. Quite often. I should be thankful for every day I have including the days that I'm sweating more than a pig in a mud bath.
That is my new favorite saying. But apparently pigs don't sweat. That's why they have mud baths. One of my dear brothers informed me of this after I said it. But I don't care. I like the way it sounds so I'm going to keep using it. :)

Fry My Brain

I am not a very computer savvy person. And I have no problem letting the entire world know this fact. I use my computer for a few reasons:

1) The Internet
2) Paperwork
3) Games

I'm not an Internet guru either. But I like the internet. My favorite sites to visit are Gmail, Facebook, and Twitter. If I'm online you can almost guarantee I'm on one of those three at all times. And if I can't be at home Tweeting you can be sure I'm doing it from my cell. I love me some Twitter! I could go on and on about the wonders of Twitter.
Or I'm looking for coupons. Oh goodness. I could look for coupons all night and never get tired of it. (That is actually a lie. I need sleep more than I'll ever need coupons. Lord forgive me.)

You'd be surprised how much paperwork one can do even if you aren't in college. Man, I make chore charts, menus, write letters; heavens, I do a little bit of everything. But this is pretty boring.

And yes, I play games when I'm bored and want to fry my brain. It works.

Nothing But the Blood

The Lord has been moving within my heart a lot recently especially in the area of forgiveness.

I do not like to apologize to people. Especially when I feel they don't deserve it or that I've done nothing worth apologizing for. I admit I am a very proud person. But in the past two weeks I've apologized to at least three people when I really felt I didn't have a need to say I'm sorry. But Lord lead me in that direction and I obeyed. Obedience is so sweet.

It's not only been a humbling experience it's been incredible to realize this is what Lord Jesus did for me. He said, "I'm sorry" to Father Love for me so that I, sinful, wicked, nasty as I am, could come before Him full of nothing but Christ and His grace and mercy.

How ridiculously sad and horrible life would be without the Father and His great love for me. I am beyond thankful.

Entertainment

This post is all about you and your sense of curiosity and you know, well, just in case you're wondering where I am on a personal level with this whole online dating issue.

Let me tell you online dating is exhausting. Here I am almost into my third month on eHarmony and I'm tired of it. I not only get excited if I have a guy "close" the match, but every time I open my eHarmony account I hope and pray that at least one match is done!

Tonight I had four. Thank You Jesus!

I'm sure you are all tired of hearing about online dating so we'll change the subject. Tanning. Yep. It's that time of year again.

I refuse to use a tanning bed. They are nasty. I mean you get into a small area hundreds of other ladies have also crowded into and the idea of all of their germs getting on me.... uhhhh.... I don't think so. That leaves tanning the natural way. I tan outside. Sometimes I just lay out, other times I use lotion, never tried baby oil (although, I've thought about it), basically, you just need to enjoy the sun. That is the best part. The warmth. The ability to nap outside in the sunshine. It's lovely.

Are you watching American Idol this season? For some reason I never see the guys... only the girls. And the girls pretty much suck. Speaking of TV in general I keep up with about 4 shows. I never thought I'd be one of those people who get sucked into a TV show and not be able to stop watching it. But I am now. Here are my favorites:

1) Community. If you've ever attended a small, community college you will love Community too. If you haven't, you will love it anyways. It's just that funny.
2) White Collar. There are no words for how awesome this show is. It just is.
and 3) Glee. I love music. I love singing. I love movies. I love Glee because it combines all three into one amazing TV show.

Okay, so that's only 3 shows, but still. That is a lot for this girl.

And I'm out. I am beyond exhausted mentally and physically.

More Online Dating

My friend who sent me a message about online dating asked me two more great questions.

"Love eharmony.. but only have a basic profile... any way to escape the whole payment method to talk to people? Or, just using a discount will truly help?"

Cost is something to be aware of. It's expensive to sign up on these sites. I had told my friend that they could Google eHarmony discount codes. It might take some time, but it would definitely be worth the search.

Another thing you can do if you want to put yourself out there but don't want to pay is to create an email account for online dating purposes only. Why a separate account? Well, again, it would help create a sense of disconnect with the guy (or girl) so you are able to communicate without him (or her) getting into your personal space. I believe it's vital to have this feeling of them not being in your "life" until you are ready. It will help keep you both in check.
So after you set up your email account, edit your eHarmony profile so that in your "More about Me" section it says something along these lines, "I have not paid for eHarmony, but if you want to contact me do so here: your email address.".

I have not tried this. But I've seen guys who have done it. I've also seen where guys have written to contact them over Facebook. Yeahh... right. Anyways, if you try it let me know. I'd love to know if this works.

Online Dating Part 2

Dos and Don'ts. Trust me you will want to read this if you are even considering online dating.


Dos -

Do: feel comfortable contacting any of your matches that you find attractive. The men won't always have you as a match so contact them. You never know what will happen and rules about the guys being the first to make contact don't apply.

Do: feel comfortable closing any match at any time for any reason. You don't even have to explain. If you find you don't like you him (or her) then close it. There is a level of feeling disconnected with your match so don't worry about offending or hurting their feelings.

Do: be yourself. This is no different than meeting someone in person.

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Don'ts -

Don't: feel like you have to respond to everyone that contacts you. You don't. If you don't like what's on their profile or they don't fit with what you are looking for, then don't even start talking to them. It will save you both time and frustration.

Don't: give out your personal email unless you are completely ready to do so. Many sites have anonymous email for you to use. Communicate with your match through that email for as long as you need.

Don't: agree to meet a guy without telling someone where you are going and when you plan to be back. I did not do this. Jesus protected me (there wasn't even an attempt of anything, but still. I praise Him).


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Which site to use -

I signed up for two dating sites. Match.com and eHarmony.com.

Here's another Do and Don't: Do use eHarmony. Don't use Match.com.

Here's my reasons why: Match.com is about getting one night stands. If you aren't interested in more than that, then be my guest. eHarmony is about actually matching you with someone who has the same values. I truly believe they want to play matchmaker.

All of my good experiences have come from eHarmony. I believe yours will too.

On a side note, if you are looking for a farmer, go here.

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Okay, once you've found a match and you feel okay about meeting him (or her), be prepared: you will most likely see friends you never see while on this date. It will be awkward. It will be embarrassing. You will be asked questions.
Face it. Friends are snoopy. They want to know who this new guy or gal is and why they've never heard of them before.

When I went on a date with Mr. Fail, he took me to Starbucks (he knew this was one of my favorite places in Wartown). I never see *any* of my friends at Starbucks. Never. Ever.
Wouldn't you know the one night I'm on a date I see not one, not two, but FIVE of my friends at Starbucks. The two important ones being RG and Jared. They are my boys (whether or not they realize it!).
I blushed for a good twenty minutes after seeing them and explaining to RG that I had met Mr. Fail on Match.com. I wanted to find hole and stick my head in it with my butt straight up in the air like an ostrich.

I can almost guarantee you will have this happen to you. It will suck like nothing else. You might want to die. But whatever you do and no matter how you feel, (another Don't!) don't feel like you have to tell your friend how you met your date. If necessary discuss with your date before even going on the date how to handle this type of situation. Tell him (or her) that if it happens (and while you hope it won't, you've had someone tell you it will) that you should just tell people mutual friends set you up. It will be the truth: the maker of the dating site is your mutual "friend". I can promise you saying this will save you both from tons of embarrassment.

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I think that's enough for one blog. If you have any questions, please feel free to ask. I cannot be any more embarrassed than I already have been. ;)

Online Dating Part 1

"Question for you..... Sarah* and I have been thinking about the whole "online dating" thing. I read on your blog that you've tried this out before... what is your opinion of it? Good experience or bad experience? Or.. is it worth it?"

This is part of a private message I received over Facebook. On top of responding this friend, I've also decided to address the questions here (on my blog) for two reasons:
1. It's been a while since I've written about online dating
2. It's always good to share your life experiences; you never know who will learn from them.

"What is your opinion of it (online dating)?"

I, actually, think it can be a good thing. I recommend it to anyone who doesn't have any prospects within your social circle. Today's society sees nothing wrong with it (although, there is a lot of embarrassment to be had if you are caught on a date with an online guy or gal; more on that later).
You know, within our culture, we are encouraged to be "friends" with the opposite sex. And even though I don't believe there is anything wrong with that, from a girls point of view, it can cause at least one serious problem for women if there are no clear boundaries set within your friendship.

Problem #1: Girls over-think and over-analyze everything. Guys, if you smile at a girl and she is slightly interested, most likely she's going to spend all night wondering thinking about that "special" smile. She will begin to wonder when you will ask her out. It gets even more complicated after that.

I'm sure there are other problems, but that's the only one I can think of.

That being said, another reason I recommend online dating is that you are both very clearly looking for a date. There is nothing to misunderstand!

"Good experience or bad experience?"

Of course, there are always good and bad experiences with everything in life. But from my experience, online dating has been mostly good. You will "meet" good and weird/bad guys (or girls), and your choice of dating sites will also determine what kind of "matches" you receive.

One good personal story: I started communicating with a guy from FL. He loves the Lord, loves his family (the two biggest factors when I consider a guy) and he is good looking. We emailed over the dating site for a couple weeks and after that time, I realized that we made great friends, but I didn't see it going any further. I responded to his message first and then told exactly what I said above. He replied and agreed with me. We are now friends on fb. I think we'll continue to be friends for a good while.

One bad personal story (besides Mr. Fail. lol): Had a guy contact me and we started emailing back and forth. This was within the first two weeks of being on an online dating site so I wasn't really sure what to do when he said he loved me and wanted to know what he had to do to make me love him in return. Yeah, that *really* freaked me out.

"Or.. is it worth it?"

Well, considering that you have to put money out to join most sites, I don't know. Has it been worth my time and money, at this point, only time will tell (since at this moment I'm "becoming friends" with a guy; whatever that means).
The other side of the "is it worth it" question is that there is an ocean of men/women very clearly looking for potential life partners. So if you don't have any prospects within your social circle, then yes, I think it's worth it.

Coming up next, tips on which dating sites are the best, dos and don'ts, what to do if you are on a date with an online man/woman and you run into a friend, etc.

Oh, and by the way, I don't think joining an online dating site means you are desperate. Tons of people see it that way and that is the wrong way to view it. It's just another way the internet is bringing people together.

Think of it as an online version of the Bachelor. :)

*Names have been changed to protect the innocent.

A Sweet Aroma

All I can think about today is 2 Cor. 2: 15 - 16, "For we are to God the fragrance of Christ among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing. To the one we are the aroma of death leading to death, and to the other the aroma of life leading to life. And who is sufficient for these things?".
My pastor based his sermon on the 2nd chapter of 2 Corinthians this morning and those two verses hit my soul hard.

I love my sense of smell. I love being able to smell things. I love hold things, lift them to my nose and take sniff. I cannot imagine life without being able to smell. Life would be boring. There would be no roses; no coffee; no "I know that's my friends t-shirt (or whatever) because it smells like their house"; no campfires; no salty ocean air; life would not be what it is without your sense of smell.

Smells, aromas, they speak to us. They tell you what to draw near. They tell you what to push away. They tell you what to wear and what to wash. They tell you what is beautiful and what is nasty. They tell you what to keep and what to throw away. Your sense of smell is an amazing thing.

So here I am wondering if I smell like a sweet aroma of life to my Savior. I desire to smell like life. I desire to smell very sweet to Father Love.

What do you smell like? Is your aroma pleasing to Christ?

My Rescue Story

I'm sitting on my floor in my room, freezing. I have been very, very cold all day. I'm wondering if I'm getting sick. I don't normally feel cold like this. But every part of my body is extremely cold. I like cold weather. I'd rather it be cold than hot, but right now I don't feel so good being so super cold.

I had an amazing thing happen to me today. I had a gentleman come into the store and in true Southern tradition asked me where I went to church. I answered his question and then he proceeded to ask me if I was saved, I said yes, and he then asked when it happened. I shared with him how Father Love rescued me by opening my eyes at the young age of six. I could see in his face he felt very doubtful at that moment about the truthfulness of my story. He looked at me and said, "How do you know you were saved at that moment?" I told him that even at such a young age I had a desire to read God's Word, and since then I've seen and felt Him moving within my life to purify my heart and soul to be more like Christ. The overwhelming sense of gratitude for my Savior almost brought tears to my eyes.

It was a defining moment. The peace, the thankfulness, the love, the joy I felt for my Savior and for being able to share how Christ chose me, how He moved and worked in my life was almost more than this girl could handle. I am so prone to wonder. So prone to leave the God I love. But praise Him! He is so faithful! I can't help but thank Him for saving me. I am the truly the worst of all sinners.

This is one of my favorite hymns. The words speak to my soul. The music is soothing to my heart.

Come, Thou Fount of every blessing,
Tune my heart to sing Thy grace;
Streams of mercy, never ceasing,
Call for songs of loudest praise.
Teach me some melodious sonnet,
Sung by flaming tongues above.
Praise the mount! I’m fixed upon it,
Mount of Thy redeeming love.

Sorrowing I shall be in spirit,
Till released from flesh and sin,
Yet from what I do inherit,
Here Thy praises I’ll begin;
Here I raise my Ebenezer;
Here by Thy great help I’ve come;
And I hope, by Thy good pleasure,
Safely to arrive at home.

Jesus sought me when a stranger,
Wandering from the fold of God;
He, to rescue me from danger,
Interposed His precious blood;
How His kindness yet pursues me
Mortal tongue can never tell,
Clothed in flesh, till death shall loose me
I cannot proclaim it well.

O to grace how great a debtor
Daily I’m constrained to be!
Let Thy goodness, like a fetter,
Bind my wandering heart to Thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here’s my heart, O take and seal it,
Seal it for Thy courts above.

O that day when freed from sinning,
I shall see Thy lovely face;
Clothed then in blood washed linen
How I’ll sing Thy sovereign grace;
Come, my Lord, no longer tarry,
Take my ransomed soul away;
Send thine angels now to carry
Me to realms of endless day.

Mr. Music

All I have to say is Mr. Music is pretty amazing.


I will write more later. I have to be at work in 30 minutes. I have funny stories that cannot be told in less than 30 minutes. :)

Er... Uh, Hello... Mr...?

I have come to the conclusion in the past couple weeks that I love people. I mean, I truly love people. I don't know when this happened but it's true. It's ridiculous. It's scary. And just because I love you with the love of the Lord the first time we meet, but don't expect me to *like* you.

That probably doesn't make any sense. I don't expect that it will. All I know is that I love people. But sometimes after you get to know someone they aren't as lovable after you spend time with them. So I'll continue to love them with the love of the Father and not necessarily like them.

I've also realized that I have no idea how to behave towards "good guys". These are the guys you bring home to Dad, that love the Lord with all of their heart, mind, soul and strength, who are respectful, kind, and just a good ol' boy. These guys scare the living daylights out of me.

Let's face it: I know how to be flirtatious, I know how to be *dirty*, I know the right (i.e. wrong) things to say. In short, I know how to get and hold the attention of a "bad boy".

Why do I bring this up? Because after coming off of a "chemistry high" with Mr. Fail, I'm failing to sense any chemistry with a "good guy". Let me introduce you to Mr. Music. Mr. Music, not only loves Jesus, but he's clean, loves his ministry, loves his family, loves people... I mean, basically, he loves everything that has to do with honoring the Lord. Which is incredible! I just don't know what to do with him. Mr. Music scares me. And I don't seem to feel any connection with him beyond a mutual love for the Lord.

That should be enough right? I don't know. And I guess at this point I'm trying to be careful that I don't brush him off just because I'm coming off of this chemistry/connection high with Mr. Fail.

So in an effort to see if Mr. Music and I have any chemistry, I'm going to a concert. Mr. Music is a rapper. Mr. Music is on tour. This is the closest Mr. Music will be to me in a long time.
We are planning to meet before the show. Hopefully, things will be very clear after coffee. Coffee clears everything up! Right...?
Pray for me. I'm nervous.

Yeah, I Like to Hide

I've noticed a trend. When life starts to get too hard to deal with I do one of two things (sometimes both).

1. I stop blogging

2. I block everyone from my reading list.

Doesn't make for a very good blogging author to say the least. It's almost been an exact month since I've blogged. Mr. Fail was part of my reason behind that.

I knew he was no good. I knew it would not be wise for me to go out with him. But the chemistry and the connection was so strong I didn't want to give it up.

How we now just call me Miss Fail-Wanna-Be? Well, I would give you permission, but I've had my own little personal revival. Jesus shot me with His Holy Ghost machine gun and I've been sticking close to him ever since.

Basically, expect more blog post and less blocking. :) Praise the Lord, right?!

Fail

One aspect of this whole online dating thing I did not consider was the computer/matching programs making a mistake.

Match.com matched me up with a very sweet, funny, caring, understanding guy. I was actually really into him. And then he told me this:

"Speaking of Biblical, I do not attend church, though I will tag along with my uncle and his family on occasion. Religion is something that is more of a curiosity to me. As in, while I don't really do the church thing and such, you'd be surprised how much I study on it and the history there-in is fascinating to me in many ways. But don't get me wrong, I do have my beliefs, and I certainly consider myself spiritual if nothing else."

My heart was bruised (not broken, or cracked or anything serious like that). We had been emailing everyday for about a week. The emails kept getting longer; we shared stories about our families; talked about music, movies, time spent alone, our jobs, our pets, coffee, and more. It was good wholesome conversations over email.

After reading his email it took me two days to get the courage up to tell him that ours would not be a lasting relationship because I valued my faith too much. To be honest, I did not want to write it. I didn't want to hurt him. Plus, it just hurt period to write it out.

Now I'm in the waiting period. You know when you send a text or email or something along those sorts and then about die waiting for a response?! Yeah, I'm there.

I've thought about suing Match.com for matching me up with someone really great but that I could never be with. Mostly because they told me we matched up in our religious beliefs even though he had nothing on his profile that mentioned God, or church, etc. I thought it was a bit odd, but I trusted their matching system. And it failed me.

Three Little Words

One of the things eHarmony does not tell you about are the billions of questions. eHarmony has "guided communication" as a step by step process before getting into emailing.

Step 1: Get to Know Each Other
This involves you asking and then answering five questions from a list composed by eHarmony.
Questions like "What do you think of "Soul Mates"", "How often do you find yourself laughing" or "Your idea of a romantic time would be". Of course, gracious as eHarmony is, they also provide answers for you to chose from or you can write your own. Depends on what you feel like doing at that point.

Step 2: Must Haves and Can't Stands
This is where you make a list (again, they provide you with options) of what you *must haves* and *can't stands*. (wow. I bet you didn't see that coming!) You can chose anything from "Emotionally Healthy", "Sense of Humor", "Energy Level", "Patience", "Chemistry" to "Family Life" for the *must haves*. They give you a description of each choice and if you wish, with every match you can switch out your choices.
The *can't stands* include "Worrier", "Lying", "Cheating", "Mean-spirited", "Arrogant", etc, etc. These also come with descriptions.

Step 3: Learn More About Him (or Her)
At this time you are able to ask five questions of your own or pick from another list they have so kindly made available to you. For examples, questions I've been asked have been of the following nature: "What is your favorite song or praise? And why?" and "What is your purpose in life" and so on.

Step 4: eHarmony Mail
Now you are able to freely email this person through your eHarmony email account.

Okay, so now you know exactly how eHarmony works. My problem is with all of the questions. Some I do not know how to answer... Such as "What do you think are the three best traits you have to offer to a partner?"

Um. Excuse me. One, I'm not your partner. Two, isn't that a bit selfish at this point in the "relationship" to be asking that question... Hello! We are only at Step 3!

So now in order to get to the eHarmony mail I have to answer this question. I, being at a complete loss of words, decided to text some of my favorite people and ask them to describe me in three words. Some of the answers I've received:
"Compassionate, funny, and all-around incredible" (this one is sweet. not to mention I really love the person who sent it to me. which makes it even better.)
"Sarcastic, searching, and faithful" (I like the person who sent this one too... but not sure how to incorporate it into my answer...)
"Beautiful, strong-willed, gracious" (I could use the last two. Using the first would sound so, so vain.)
"Tyrant, merciful, and loving" (This might be my favorite. I am an oxymoron to this person. And that makes me wrinkle my forehead and laugh!)
"Studious, friendly, spiritual" (yeah, I ain't studin' nuthin' right now...)
"Responsible, funny and down right pretty" (okay, so my best traits are that I'm funny and pretty. That's not going to get me far in the world...)

There are more I don't have time to type all of them. If you, my dear reader, have any suggestions, please comment and help me answer. :) Have a great day!

Umm. Yes, I Know Him (and not just through the dating site).

O.M.G. I had worried about this happening. Mostly because it would be super embarrassing... and it definitely was super embarrassing. and shocking. and embarrassing. and I had no idea what to do.

On eHarmony, they present you with "new" matches almost every day. I received one today and it had a very familiar name with a very familiar town. It was not just familiar. I KNOW this guy in real life.

I mean, I went to church with him. I hung out with his family. I am his friend on Facebook! I... I... I. I know him. And I can't believe eHarmony has matched me up with someone I personally know.

Seriously, I was shocked.

I closed the match because I wasn't sure what else to do. And then he sent me a message on Facebook.

This whole "online dating" thing is... wow. I'm at a loss for words!

Online Dating?!

So I have a confession. I have joined, not one, but two online dating sites. You would not believe the confusion, the madness, and the crazy people on those sites.

There are two reasons people join online dating sites:
1. They are desperate.
2. There are no prospects within their social circle.

I am not desperate by any means. In fact, I am quite jumpy when it comes to dating. My now married sister couldn't get past the second date. I cannot get past the first.

I have two requirements for dating a guy:
1. He *must* love Jesus with all of his heart, mind, soul and strength
2. I *must* be ferociously attracted to him.

I love meeting new people. Now that doesn't mean in the long run that I'll actually like them as a person, but I do like that first exchange of words, the first impressions, the first everything. So being on these sites is wonderful thing for a person like me.

People intrigue me.

Anyways, if I'm not attracted to a guy, I won't even give him the time of day. I don't see why I should. In the long run, it's a waste of his time and mine. And that means I'm playing games with him. And I hate people who play games with other human beings. It's stupid, childish and shouldn't be done.

I went on my first date from one of those sites this past Sunday. It made one thought I've had in the past very concrete. I don't want to date or marry a guy who is 23/24 or younger. Most of them are annoying, stupid, and need a good lesson on manners.

I've always been attracted to older men. Probably because they seem more mature, more experienced in the ways of the world, wiser, etc.

I want a man not a child.

To be honest, I'm not even sure what I'm doing on those sites. I don't know if I'm looking for a relationship. I don't know. I don't feel desperate. But what are feelings? Deceitful at best.

Right now, I'm here for the thrill. And to meet new people. I'll let you know what happens.

GoodBye!

I woke up this morning feeling worse than ever. I started crying again. And then it hit me: "Why am I waiting till summer to take a break?" I called Dad and asked him that very question. It made no sense. My body needs rest. I need a break. I need it now. So I dropped all of my classes.

Sometimes you have to do something crazy. This was my moment.

So I'm college class, stress, life, commuting, all of the craziness that goes with being a student, I'm free of it. And I feel better mentally and emotionally. I actually sang a song today instead of just listening. I can't remember the last time I sang along to a song.

I realize some people may wonder why in the world I did something so stupid. But let's review everything I did in 2009.

1. I started college. I took 12 credit hours and completed the Spring semester with one B and three A's.
2. Helped pack for family vacation (that is a big deal).
3. Painted the living room.
4. Painted kitchen cabinets.
5. Started Pampered Chef on top of the Spring semester.
6. Took 7 credit hours in one month. The Fall semester started a week and a half after I completed that mini-semester. I ended the summer with two A's and one B.
7. I took 14 credit hours over the Fall semester. I know I got one D, the rest were A's and B's in the rest of the classes.
8. I planned and hosted a House Concert for Josh Bales! How cool was that?!
9. On my end of GA I help get my brothers and three of the bridesmaids ready for my sisters wedding.
10. I worked 20 - 27 hours a week at my new job that I started during the summer.

Maybe it doesn't sound like much, but I also did most of the grocery shopping for my family, tried (horribly) to keep up with which bills needed to be paid, took A and the little boys for hair cuts, taught Joe how to drive a car, and I can't think of anything else.

I've got a headache now. And I need to finish supper. But there are my excuses for those who think I'm being stupid. Seriously, if you think I am, well, I don't want to hear it. I am doing this for me. I have to.

Never Puke in a Dirty Toilet

I've been doing some reading/researching. This whole being sick thing is not sitting well with me (literally and figuratively).
I went through the same routine: feel like I'm going to throw up, go clean the toilet, and sit in the bathroom for a while. I didn't throw up. But it is very inconvenient to feel this way.

I decided to search (gotta LOVE Google) Morning Sickness Without Being Pregnant. Apparently, it's possible. Stress can cause all kinds of horrible damage to your body if you don't control it. Vitamin deficiencies, hair loss, nausea, and more. I've had all that (and the "more" part).

So I've been taking mountains of vitamins every day. Drinking peppermint tea when I get up and chamomile right before going to bed. Peppermint and chamomile are supposed to help with upset stomach issues. I've also noticed that chamomile tea helps me sleep like a rock. I feel like I've been sleeping for 10 - 12 hours and not just sleeping, but I mean *really* sleeping. It's been amazing!

I don't know if any of it's really helping. I know the tea is helping in the mornings when my stomach is churning and I feel like I need to puke everywhere. But the vitamins I guess only time will tell.

I did realize today that stress is the real (and perhaps only) culprit in my having morning sickness (without being preggers). I received a very stressful phone call this morning (right after getting my stomach settled) concerning college. The "I feel like I need to puke" session started again but much more nauseating than before. I cried, drank my peppermint tea (which at that point wasn't doing much to help), and cried some more. Then I called Dad. After talking to Dad, I cried some more, drank more tea (do you see a pattern?), took a shower and then called the college back where I proceeded to cry on the phone with the lady at the school. I think she felt sorry for me. I felt sorry for me.

So here I am... back in the Math class. Which I sooooo did not want to be in. When I talked to Dad he said I should just drop it after two weeks. But I've decided not to do that. The lady that called said there was an appeal process that can be made at the end of the semester if I don't pass the Compass. I was a bit relieved because I've made A's and B's in all of my classes except one (attendance was optional so I opted out thus getting a D in that class. Moral of the story: If your prof says "Oh, you don't have to attend. I don't call role." ATTEND. THE. CLASS. He is most likely crazy and it's a trick to make sure you don't pass. Worked on me.).

I have to go to work (hey, that is also a source of stress for me right now too). Bethany - I blame you entirely for this sudden need to blog (again) about everything that is going on in my life.

Sick... Again

I could use some prayer. Because I'm so old I am no longer eligible for my Daddy's insurance. This really sucks. If I had insurance available I'd be going to see a doctor. And for those of you who know me *really* well you know that is a big deal.

My reasons for wanting to see a doctor? Well, I've thrown up for no reason twice in the past week. Also during the past week I've spit up bloody mucus. And Wednesday night at the RG Smooch Up (Bible Study) I felt like I was having a hard time breathing. Needless to say, I'm a bit worried.

I've basically had a cough or some form of sickness since I started working at Rite Aid. You can ask my family. I've been more sick in the past 6 months than I have even been my entire life. It's getting ridiculous.

So last night I was driving through the movie theater parking lot and guess what? My brakes went out. It's back to the van for me. I truly hate that. But I'm trying not to hate so much. I want to have a positive attitude (which is very hard for me).

I now officially have 15 credit hours. Two will go away once I tell my French Prof that I can't go to France with her (B - DO NOT FREAK OUT). And then the great debate is on! Which classes to drop so that I only have, oh lets say, around 6 - 8 credit hours...? ;) I only need four for HOPE and I'm trying to majorly de-stress. I have two histories (one of those are going to away) and then Intro to Criminology (which I'm really interested in). But I want to keep one History, and the Crim class and my French class, and my Jogging class... yeah, I might as well have a full schedule.

Okay, well, I just ate my leftover Mexican from yesterday and now my stomach doesn't feel so great (not my greatest idea after throwing up I guess). And I have to go to work. If you are still reading why don't you comment? It would make my day.

Lydia's Life 2010

It's been a month since I've blogged. Actually, over a month. But blogging wasn't my friend during December so I didn't even attempt. Or perhaps expressing everything I was feeling wasn't going to be easy and so not blogging was the best way for me to ignore those feelings. Oh, how I love ignoring the hard things in life. And, to be honest, the only reason I'm blogging now is because Bethany asked me. So here I am. Hi blogging world. It's been a while.

Ignoring the hard things in life makes me think of college: I didn't pass the compass. I passed my math class with a B, but the compass test? Um... yeah. Where to do go from here? I really have no idea. I haven't flat out refused to retake the math class and then the compass, but I sure didn't sign up for the class. And I'm definitely looking for ways around it. The idea of standardized testing is so irritating to me. I know the material, I could and would do well in a "college level" math class, but because of some stupid test, I can't take any math or science classes.
Then to make matters worse, the idea that I am of no "good" without a college degree in the workplace leaves me bitter and utterly angry with the world in which I live. I am a hard worker, I am intelligent (not by any great means, but more than some for sure), and I know that whatever I put my mind, hands and souls towards I would succeed (whether by know-how, force, or whatever it took). All that to say I hate the thought that I can't succeed in life without a college degree.
By the way, classes start back next Tuesday. I'm dreading it. I don't really want to go back to school. I'm tired and I want a break. A very long break. Longer than a month. Yeah, that's not happening. I'm taking two classes on campus and the rest online. I'm sick of driving back and forth. So 12 credit hours, two days a week, I can totally handle that! Oh, and then I'll be working 20 - 25 hours a week at work, and I need to finish (really start) the dining room. Finding, rather, making time, has been harder than I thought it would be. But I only need four more hours to receive HOPE so that is the main reason I'm taking classes this Spring.
Not sure what I'm doing after Spring. Madame is moving to France so no more French classes at MGC (at least with her) and I really want to keep up the French. I am applying to Kendall College. Hopefully, my application will be complete by the end of next week. That is my goal anyways.

On to other news: I can tell Bethany has gotten past all of the humdrum of wedding planning. How? Well, there have been very long post on my fb wall all week. Which I've thoroughly enjoyed; it's been good to "talk" to my sister like we used to before she got a boy toy. And while we're halfway talking about weddings I've noticed that wedding planning brings out one of two sides in every person involved. And it doesn't matter if they are up to their hair in wedding veil material or just throwing rice at the newly-wed couple as they run to their getaway car. Wedding planning either makes people very happily unselfish or very arrogantly selfish. How I saw this time and again with Bethany's wedding right up to the day she was getting married. It was very sad and shows that people are stupid.

Did you keep up any of your New Years Resolutions from 2009? Here's mine from '09:
1. Complete as many college classes as possible.
2. Lose 30-40 pounds
3. Read one book a week (anyone want to do this with me and see who wins?!)
4. Buy a car (haha! we'll see how this goes!)
5. Paint like crazy
6. Exercise once a day
7. Get up early (like before 7am!)

How I lined up?
1) Definitely completed as many as possible (12 classes between Spring, Summer and Fall)
2) Not sure how much I lost, but I went down two jean sizes, then back up one. I'm pleased with that.
3) Yeah, that didn't last more than a week I think.... :)
4) Did not buy one, but since Bethany got married, I did get her car. Check!
5) I'm pretty sure I was talking about art, not walls in the house, so yeah, that didn't turn out so well either.
6) I did okay with this one. I know I didn't exercise every day, but I'd like to say I was close!
7) Why I wrote that I have no idea. It was stupid. Any time before 7am is ungodly and should be left to the dogs.

I didn't make any Resolutions for twenty-ten. None. Not even one. Probably a good thing. I don't know. Oh, well, who cares?!

Okay, I'm done. I need to go put on warmer clothes so I can endure another night of RG smooching up to Angela aka "Bible Study".

Bethany - I love you. You are the BEST sister in the world. :)