Fail

One aspect of this whole online dating thing I did not consider was the computer/matching programs making a mistake.

Match.com matched me up with a very sweet, funny, caring, understanding guy. I was actually really into him. And then he told me this:

"Speaking of Biblical, I do not attend church, though I will tag along with my uncle and his family on occasion. Religion is something that is more of a curiosity to me. As in, while I don't really do the church thing and such, you'd be surprised how much I study on it and the history there-in is fascinating to me in many ways. But don't get me wrong, I do have my beliefs, and I certainly consider myself spiritual if nothing else."

My heart was bruised (not broken, or cracked or anything serious like that). We had been emailing everyday for about a week. The emails kept getting longer; we shared stories about our families; talked about music, movies, time spent alone, our jobs, our pets, coffee, and more. It was good wholesome conversations over email.

After reading his email it took me two days to get the courage up to tell him that ours would not be a lasting relationship because I valued my faith too much. To be honest, I did not want to write it. I didn't want to hurt him. Plus, it just hurt period to write it out.

Now I'm in the waiting period. You know when you send a text or email or something along those sorts and then about die waiting for a response?! Yeah, I'm there.

I've thought about suing Match.com for matching me up with someone really great but that I could never be with. Mostly because they told me we matched up in our religious beliefs even though he had nothing on his profile that mentioned God, or church, etc. I thought it was a bit odd, but I trusted their matching system. And it failed me.

Three Little Words

One of the things eHarmony does not tell you about are the billions of questions. eHarmony has "guided communication" as a step by step process before getting into emailing.

Step 1: Get to Know Each Other
This involves you asking and then answering five questions from a list composed by eHarmony.
Questions like "What do you think of "Soul Mates"", "How often do you find yourself laughing" or "Your idea of a romantic time would be". Of course, gracious as eHarmony is, they also provide answers for you to chose from or you can write your own. Depends on what you feel like doing at that point.

Step 2: Must Haves and Can't Stands
This is where you make a list (again, they provide you with options) of what you *must haves* and *can't stands*. (wow. I bet you didn't see that coming!) You can chose anything from "Emotionally Healthy", "Sense of Humor", "Energy Level", "Patience", "Chemistry" to "Family Life" for the *must haves*. They give you a description of each choice and if you wish, with every match you can switch out your choices.
The *can't stands* include "Worrier", "Lying", "Cheating", "Mean-spirited", "Arrogant", etc, etc. These also come with descriptions.

Step 3: Learn More About Him (or Her)
At this time you are able to ask five questions of your own or pick from another list they have so kindly made available to you. For examples, questions I've been asked have been of the following nature: "What is your favorite song or praise? And why?" and "What is your purpose in life" and so on.

Step 4: eHarmony Mail
Now you are able to freely email this person through your eHarmony email account.

Okay, so now you know exactly how eHarmony works. My problem is with all of the questions. Some I do not know how to answer... Such as "What do you think are the three best traits you have to offer to a partner?"

Um. Excuse me. One, I'm not your partner. Two, isn't that a bit selfish at this point in the "relationship" to be asking that question... Hello! We are only at Step 3!

So now in order to get to the eHarmony mail I have to answer this question. I, being at a complete loss of words, decided to text some of my favorite people and ask them to describe me in three words. Some of the answers I've received:
"Compassionate, funny, and all-around incredible" (this one is sweet. not to mention I really love the person who sent it to me. which makes it even better.)
"Sarcastic, searching, and faithful" (I like the person who sent this one too... but not sure how to incorporate it into my answer...)
"Beautiful, strong-willed, gracious" (I could use the last two. Using the first would sound so, so vain.)
"Tyrant, merciful, and loving" (This might be my favorite. I am an oxymoron to this person. And that makes me wrinkle my forehead and laugh!)
"Studious, friendly, spiritual" (yeah, I ain't studin' nuthin' right now...)
"Responsible, funny and down right pretty" (okay, so my best traits are that I'm funny and pretty. That's not going to get me far in the world...)

There are more I don't have time to type all of them. If you, my dear reader, have any suggestions, please comment and help me answer. :) Have a great day!

Umm. Yes, I Know Him (and not just through the dating site).

O.M.G. I had worried about this happening. Mostly because it would be super embarrassing... and it definitely was super embarrassing. and shocking. and embarrassing. and I had no idea what to do.

On eHarmony, they present you with "new" matches almost every day. I received one today and it had a very familiar name with a very familiar town. It was not just familiar. I KNOW this guy in real life.

I mean, I went to church with him. I hung out with his family. I am his friend on Facebook! I... I... I. I know him. And I can't believe eHarmony has matched me up with someone I personally know.

Seriously, I was shocked.

I closed the match because I wasn't sure what else to do. And then he sent me a message on Facebook.

This whole "online dating" thing is... wow. I'm at a loss for words!

Online Dating?!

So I have a confession. I have joined, not one, but two online dating sites. You would not believe the confusion, the madness, and the crazy people on those sites.

There are two reasons people join online dating sites:
1. They are desperate.
2. There are no prospects within their social circle.

I am not desperate by any means. In fact, I am quite jumpy when it comes to dating. My now married sister couldn't get past the second date. I cannot get past the first.

I have two requirements for dating a guy:
1. He *must* love Jesus with all of his heart, mind, soul and strength
2. I *must* be ferociously attracted to him.

I love meeting new people. Now that doesn't mean in the long run that I'll actually like them as a person, but I do like that first exchange of words, the first impressions, the first everything. So being on these sites is wonderful thing for a person like me.

People intrigue me.

Anyways, if I'm not attracted to a guy, I won't even give him the time of day. I don't see why I should. In the long run, it's a waste of his time and mine. And that means I'm playing games with him. And I hate people who play games with other human beings. It's stupid, childish and shouldn't be done.

I went on my first date from one of those sites this past Sunday. It made one thought I've had in the past very concrete. I don't want to date or marry a guy who is 23/24 or younger. Most of them are annoying, stupid, and need a good lesson on manners.

I've always been attracted to older men. Probably because they seem more mature, more experienced in the ways of the world, wiser, etc.

I want a man not a child.

To be honest, I'm not even sure what I'm doing on those sites. I don't know if I'm looking for a relationship. I don't know. I don't feel desperate. But what are feelings? Deceitful at best.

Right now, I'm here for the thrill. And to meet new people. I'll let you know what happens.

GoodBye!

I woke up this morning feeling worse than ever. I started crying again. And then it hit me: "Why am I waiting till summer to take a break?" I called Dad and asked him that very question. It made no sense. My body needs rest. I need a break. I need it now. So I dropped all of my classes.

Sometimes you have to do something crazy. This was my moment.

So I'm college class, stress, life, commuting, all of the craziness that goes with being a student, I'm free of it. And I feel better mentally and emotionally. I actually sang a song today instead of just listening. I can't remember the last time I sang along to a song.

I realize some people may wonder why in the world I did something so stupid. But let's review everything I did in 2009.

1. I started college. I took 12 credit hours and completed the Spring semester with one B and three A's.
2. Helped pack for family vacation (that is a big deal).
3. Painted the living room.
4. Painted kitchen cabinets.
5. Started Pampered Chef on top of the Spring semester.
6. Took 7 credit hours in one month. The Fall semester started a week and a half after I completed that mini-semester. I ended the summer with two A's and one B.
7. I took 14 credit hours over the Fall semester. I know I got one D, the rest were A's and B's in the rest of the classes.
8. I planned and hosted a House Concert for Josh Bales! How cool was that?!
9. On my end of GA I help get my brothers and three of the bridesmaids ready for my sisters wedding.
10. I worked 20 - 27 hours a week at my new job that I started during the summer.

Maybe it doesn't sound like much, but I also did most of the grocery shopping for my family, tried (horribly) to keep up with which bills needed to be paid, took A and the little boys for hair cuts, taught Joe how to drive a car, and I can't think of anything else.

I've got a headache now. And I need to finish supper. But there are my excuses for those who think I'm being stupid. Seriously, if you think I am, well, I don't want to hear it. I am doing this for me. I have to.

Never Puke in a Dirty Toilet

I've been doing some reading/researching. This whole being sick thing is not sitting well with me (literally and figuratively).
I went through the same routine: feel like I'm going to throw up, go clean the toilet, and sit in the bathroom for a while. I didn't throw up. But it is very inconvenient to feel this way.

I decided to search (gotta LOVE Google) Morning Sickness Without Being Pregnant. Apparently, it's possible. Stress can cause all kinds of horrible damage to your body if you don't control it. Vitamin deficiencies, hair loss, nausea, and more. I've had all that (and the "more" part).

So I've been taking mountains of vitamins every day. Drinking peppermint tea when I get up and chamomile right before going to bed. Peppermint and chamomile are supposed to help with upset stomach issues. I've also noticed that chamomile tea helps me sleep like a rock. I feel like I've been sleeping for 10 - 12 hours and not just sleeping, but I mean *really* sleeping. It's been amazing!

I don't know if any of it's really helping. I know the tea is helping in the mornings when my stomach is churning and I feel like I need to puke everywhere. But the vitamins I guess only time will tell.

I did realize today that stress is the real (and perhaps only) culprit in my having morning sickness (without being preggers). I received a very stressful phone call this morning (right after getting my stomach settled) concerning college. The "I feel like I need to puke" session started again but much more nauseating than before. I cried, drank my peppermint tea (which at that point wasn't doing much to help), and cried some more. Then I called Dad. After talking to Dad, I cried some more, drank more tea (do you see a pattern?), took a shower and then called the college back where I proceeded to cry on the phone with the lady at the school. I think she felt sorry for me. I felt sorry for me.

So here I am... back in the Math class. Which I sooooo did not want to be in. When I talked to Dad he said I should just drop it after two weeks. But I've decided not to do that. The lady that called said there was an appeal process that can be made at the end of the semester if I don't pass the Compass. I was a bit relieved because I've made A's and B's in all of my classes except one (attendance was optional so I opted out thus getting a D in that class. Moral of the story: If your prof says "Oh, you don't have to attend. I don't call role." ATTEND. THE. CLASS. He is most likely crazy and it's a trick to make sure you don't pass. Worked on me.).

I have to go to work (hey, that is also a source of stress for me right now too). Bethany - I blame you entirely for this sudden need to blog (again) about everything that is going on in my life.

Sick... Again

I could use some prayer. Because I'm so old I am no longer eligible for my Daddy's insurance. This really sucks. If I had insurance available I'd be going to see a doctor. And for those of you who know me *really* well you know that is a big deal.

My reasons for wanting to see a doctor? Well, I've thrown up for no reason twice in the past week. Also during the past week I've spit up bloody mucus. And Wednesday night at the RG Smooch Up (Bible Study) I felt like I was having a hard time breathing. Needless to say, I'm a bit worried.

I've basically had a cough or some form of sickness since I started working at Rite Aid. You can ask my family. I've been more sick in the past 6 months than I have even been my entire life. It's getting ridiculous.

So last night I was driving through the movie theater parking lot and guess what? My brakes went out. It's back to the van for me. I truly hate that. But I'm trying not to hate so much. I want to have a positive attitude (which is very hard for me).

I now officially have 15 credit hours. Two will go away once I tell my French Prof that I can't go to France with her (B - DO NOT FREAK OUT). And then the great debate is on! Which classes to drop so that I only have, oh lets say, around 6 - 8 credit hours...? ;) I only need four for HOPE and I'm trying to majorly de-stress. I have two histories (one of those are going to away) and then Intro to Criminology (which I'm really interested in). But I want to keep one History, and the Crim class and my French class, and my Jogging class... yeah, I might as well have a full schedule.

Okay, well, I just ate my leftover Mexican from yesterday and now my stomach doesn't feel so great (not my greatest idea after throwing up I guess). And I have to go to work. If you are still reading why don't you comment? It would make my day.

Lydia's Life 2010

It's been a month since I've blogged. Actually, over a month. But blogging wasn't my friend during December so I didn't even attempt. Or perhaps expressing everything I was feeling wasn't going to be easy and so not blogging was the best way for me to ignore those feelings. Oh, how I love ignoring the hard things in life. And, to be honest, the only reason I'm blogging now is because Bethany asked me. So here I am. Hi blogging world. It's been a while.

Ignoring the hard things in life makes me think of college: I didn't pass the compass. I passed my math class with a B, but the compass test? Um... yeah. Where to do go from here? I really have no idea. I haven't flat out refused to retake the math class and then the compass, but I sure didn't sign up for the class. And I'm definitely looking for ways around it. The idea of standardized testing is so irritating to me. I know the material, I could and would do well in a "college level" math class, but because of some stupid test, I can't take any math or science classes.
Then to make matters worse, the idea that I am of no "good" without a college degree in the workplace leaves me bitter and utterly angry with the world in which I live. I am a hard worker, I am intelligent (not by any great means, but more than some for sure), and I know that whatever I put my mind, hands and souls towards I would succeed (whether by know-how, force, or whatever it took). All that to say I hate the thought that I can't succeed in life without a college degree.
By the way, classes start back next Tuesday. I'm dreading it. I don't really want to go back to school. I'm tired and I want a break. A very long break. Longer than a month. Yeah, that's not happening. I'm taking two classes on campus and the rest online. I'm sick of driving back and forth. So 12 credit hours, two days a week, I can totally handle that! Oh, and then I'll be working 20 - 25 hours a week at work, and I need to finish (really start) the dining room. Finding, rather, making time, has been harder than I thought it would be. But I only need four more hours to receive HOPE so that is the main reason I'm taking classes this Spring.
Not sure what I'm doing after Spring. Madame is moving to France so no more French classes at MGC (at least with her) and I really want to keep up the French. I am applying to Kendall College. Hopefully, my application will be complete by the end of next week. That is my goal anyways.

On to other news: I can tell Bethany has gotten past all of the humdrum of wedding planning. How? Well, there have been very long post on my fb wall all week. Which I've thoroughly enjoyed; it's been good to "talk" to my sister like we used to before she got a boy toy. And while we're halfway talking about weddings I've noticed that wedding planning brings out one of two sides in every person involved. And it doesn't matter if they are up to their hair in wedding veil material or just throwing rice at the newly-wed couple as they run to their getaway car. Wedding planning either makes people very happily unselfish or very arrogantly selfish. How I saw this time and again with Bethany's wedding right up to the day she was getting married. It was very sad and shows that people are stupid.

Did you keep up any of your New Years Resolutions from 2009? Here's mine from '09:
1. Complete as many college classes as possible.
2. Lose 30-40 pounds
3. Read one book a week (anyone want to do this with me and see who wins?!)
4. Buy a car (haha! we'll see how this goes!)
5. Paint like crazy
6. Exercise once a day
7. Get up early (like before 7am!)

How I lined up?
1) Definitely completed as many as possible (12 classes between Spring, Summer and Fall)
2) Not sure how much I lost, but I went down two jean sizes, then back up one. I'm pleased with that.
3) Yeah, that didn't last more than a week I think.... :)
4) Did not buy one, but since Bethany got married, I did get her car. Check!
5) I'm pretty sure I was talking about art, not walls in the house, so yeah, that didn't turn out so well either.
6) I did okay with this one. I know I didn't exercise every day, but I'd like to say I was close!
7) Why I wrote that I have no idea. It was stupid. Any time before 7am is ungodly and should be left to the dogs.

I didn't make any Resolutions for twenty-ten. None. Not even one. Probably a good thing. I don't know. Oh, well, who cares?!

Okay, I'm done. I need to go put on warmer clothes so I can endure another night of RG smooching up to Angela aka "Bible Study".

Bethany - I love you. You are the BEST sister in the world. :)