Sunday, June 21, 2009
The Beauty of my Lord
I just had one of the most romantic nights of my life. The Lover of my soul took me on a lovely walk. We strolled along the road and He showered me with His love. The breathtaking sunset as the sky turned to dusk and the day came to an end. The beauty of His creation in the form of a red fox not more than twenty feet from me. And the alluring call of honeysuckles to come taste of their sweetness. All in one place for me to experience as my Savior took me by the hand and led me through a marvelous time of fellowship with Him. Oh, how I love my Lord.
My Desire
Okay, so now that all the heavy, glorious stuff is out of the way!
I can tell all I've been listening to is country. My southern accent is so strong it's not even funny (actually it is!). But I don't care. I like having a southern accent. I want to buy GA boots that fit so I can wear them during the winter. I want my own rifle (and/or pistol). I want to learn how to shoot and I want to go hunting. I want to float down the river. I want a hay bale. I want to take walks in the woods. I want to go mud bogging. Basically, I want to be a country girl through and through. I think in some ways I have always wanted it. But the older I get, the more I realize I want to be a true Southern Bell. I want to drive tractors, ride horses and I want to raise my children, in the south, doing all of those things.
I was telling the Lord tonight I may have been born in TN, but I should have been born in GA. I have loved GA since we moved here and believe I love it more now than I did 17 years ago.
I woke up with this verse in my head and it has stuck with me all day. Kind of a mixture of all these (thanks to all of my friends who sent me verses when I didn't have my Bible!):
Psalm 40:6
Sacrifice and offering You did not desire;
My ears You have opened.
Burnt offering and sin offering You did not require.
Psalm 51:16-17
For You do not desire sacrifice, or else I would give it;
You do not delight in burnt offering.
The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit,
A broken and a contrite heart -
These, O God, You will not despise.
Proverbs 21:3
To do righteousness and justice
Is more acceptable to the Lord than sacrifice.
Isaiah 58 (just read the entire chapter)
Hosea 6:6
For I desire mercy and not sacrifice,
And the knowledge of God more than burnt offerings.
I have not kept my vow very well. In fact, I have plain sucked at it. And I'm not trying to make excuses for that. I'm just beginning to realize that God would rather have my obedience, trust and praise more than anything. This vow has been a sacrifice of sorts and praise the Lord for second chances (or else I'd be done for!). I pray He continues to work in my heart as He has been and even more so because I am nothing without Him. He is my desire.
I can tell all I've been listening to is country. My southern accent is so strong it's not even funny (actually it is!). But I don't care. I like having a southern accent. I want to buy GA boots that fit so I can wear them during the winter. I want my own rifle (and/or pistol). I want to learn how to shoot and I want to go hunting. I want to float down the river. I want a hay bale. I want to take walks in the woods. I want to go mud bogging. Basically, I want to be a country girl through and through. I think in some ways I have always wanted it. But the older I get, the more I realize I want to be a true Southern Bell. I want to drive tractors, ride horses and I want to raise my children, in the south, doing all of those things.
I was telling the Lord tonight I may have been born in TN, but I should have been born in GA. I have loved GA since we moved here and believe I love it more now than I did 17 years ago.
I woke up with this verse in my head and it has stuck with me all day. Kind of a mixture of all these (thanks to all of my friends who sent me verses when I didn't have my Bible!):
Psalm 40:6
Sacrifice and offering You did not desire;
My ears You have opened.
Burnt offering and sin offering You did not require.
Psalm 51:16-17
For You do not desire sacrifice, or else I would give it;
You do not delight in burnt offering.
The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit,
A broken and a contrite heart -
These, O God, You will not despise.
Proverbs 21:3
To do righteousness and justice
Is more acceptable to the Lord than sacrifice.
Isaiah 58 (just read the entire chapter)
Hosea 6:6
For I desire mercy and not sacrifice,
And the knowledge of God more than burnt offerings.
I have not kept my vow very well. In fact, I have plain sucked at it. And I'm not trying to make excuses for that. I'm just beginning to realize that God would rather have my obedience, trust and praise more than anything. This vow has been a sacrifice of sorts and praise the Lord for second chances (or else I'd be done for!). I pray He continues to work in my heart as He has been and even more so because I am nothing without Him. He is my desire.
Bigger than Texas
I have so much to write about before going to bed.
If you've been reading my blog for any period of time, you know that I have problems bigger than Texas. And here comes more.
I cried myself to sleep last night. I was on the verge of hating/highly disliking Ben.
Growing up the one reason I hated Bethany making new friends was because I feared they would take her from me.
See, whether real or imagined, whatever attention I lacked from Mom, I got from Bethany. She has always believed in me. Always believed that I was worth looking after. She made sure that I knew I was loved and wanted. That I was smart and could do anything I decided to do. And I know some of you will say that Mom felt that way too, but the truth of the matter is, I never saw or heard it from Mom. I have feared losing Bethany and had an extreme dislike for many girls for that reason.
Friday Bethany put me on hold to talk to Ben twice. I don't think she has ever done that... not for Meg, or Dad, or anyone I can remember. I was mad. I yelled at Ben while on hold and told him he sucked worse than anything.
When I took the kids to Cold Stone (it was their first time) I sent Bethany a picture text and all she said was, "I'm so happy." That irritated me too. I wanted to make her jealous she was only with Ben and not with us.
And then I cried myself to sleep because I realized that Ben is taking my place. Of course, he isn't taking it in some ways, but in very many ways he is.
And I have been praying against highly disliking him ever since I realized all of this. I know that he is going to be around for forever. If Bethany doesn't know that, now she does. He is her one. I've said that from the beginning. Ask Anna, she'll tell you it's true.
My life is at a another turn in the bend. My life is changing once again. It's another big, huge change and I hate change.
But praise the Lord He is faithful. It's amazing to actually feel your spirit warring against your flesh. I really don't like Ben right now. But I don't want to not like him. Does that make sense? Mostly because I know it's wrong, and I know it will hurt Bethany if I'm nasty when he's down next weekend. And amazingly enough, I don't want to be nasty to him. That is a weird feeling.... mostly just because I'm usually more stubborn than an ox and I fight to the point of being spiritually knocked out. Can you tell God is taking over my mind, heart and spirit?
I've surrendered. I'm not going to mentally or orally fight Ben for Bethany like I have with Bethany and others.
In the past God has used young men to break me and to get my attention. A couple months ago I prayed that if the Lord was going to break me that He wouldn't use a guy to do it. My heart always ends up a bit bruised and I didn't want to deal with that.
The funny thing is, He used a guy, but not in the way I prayed against. I have been broken.
This vow has opened me up to Father Love in ways I never expected. I have finally realized that Bethany cannot be my source of self-worth. That comes from Christ Jesus alone. In Him I am more confident in my own skin than I have been in years. In fact, in some ways it feels like I've gone back to being 16. The only differences being my age and the fact that I love my Savior more than I love attention from guys (which is all I thought about at 16).
If you've made it this far in the post, you should at least comment and say you did. ;)
I've written all this to say that even though I have moments where I loath all that I am and even though there are times I accept without any doubt the lies satan feeds my mind, Father Love is taking over. I am changing to be a better, stronger, lovelier version of myself and it's all because the love of Jesus is flowing strong, wild and free within me. How could I not share and give Him the honor and glory He deserves for this marvelous work?!
If you've been reading my blog for any period of time, you know that I have problems bigger than Texas. And here comes more.
I cried myself to sleep last night. I was on the verge of hating/highly disliking Ben.
Growing up the one reason I hated Bethany making new friends was because I feared they would take her from me.
See, whether real or imagined, whatever attention I lacked from Mom, I got from Bethany. She has always believed in me. Always believed that I was worth looking after. She made sure that I knew I was loved and wanted. That I was smart and could do anything I decided to do. And I know some of you will say that Mom felt that way too, but the truth of the matter is, I never saw or heard it from Mom. I have feared losing Bethany and had an extreme dislike for many girls for that reason.
Friday Bethany put me on hold to talk to Ben twice. I don't think she has ever done that... not for Meg, or Dad, or anyone I can remember. I was mad. I yelled at Ben while on hold and told him he sucked worse than anything.
When I took the kids to Cold Stone (it was their first time) I sent Bethany a picture text and all she said was, "I'm so happy." That irritated me too. I wanted to make her jealous she was only with Ben and not with us.
And then I cried myself to sleep because I realized that Ben is taking my place. Of course, he isn't taking it in some ways, but in very many ways he is.
And I have been praying against highly disliking him ever since I realized all of this. I know that he is going to be around for forever. If Bethany doesn't know that, now she does. He is her one. I've said that from the beginning. Ask Anna, she'll tell you it's true.
My life is at a another turn in the bend. My life is changing once again. It's another big, huge change and I hate change.
But praise the Lord He is faithful. It's amazing to actually feel your spirit warring against your flesh. I really don't like Ben right now. But I don't want to not like him. Does that make sense? Mostly because I know it's wrong, and I know it will hurt Bethany if I'm nasty when he's down next weekend. And amazingly enough, I don't want to be nasty to him. That is a weird feeling.... mostly just because I'm usually more stubborn than an ox and I fight to the point of being spiritually knocked out. Can you tell God is taking over my mind, heart and spirit?
I've surrendered. I'm not going to mentally or orally fight Ben for Bethany like I have with Bethany and others.
In the past God has used young men to break me and to get my attention. A couple months ago I prayed that if the Lord was going to break me that He wouldn't use a guy to do it. My heart always ends up a bit bruised and I didn't want to deal with that.
The funny thing is, He used a guy, but not in the way I prayed against. I have been broken.
This vow has opened me up to Father Love in ways I never expected. I have finally realized that Bethany cannot be my source of self-worth. That comes from Christ Jesus alone. In Him I am more confident in my own skin than I have been in years. In fact, in some ways it feels like I've gone back to being 16. The only differences being my age and the fact that I love my Savior more than I love attention from guys (which is all I thought about at 16).
If you've made it this far in the post, you should at least comment and say you did. ;)
I've written all this to say that even though I have moments where I loath all that I am and even though there are times I accept without any doubt the lies satan feeds my mind, Father Love is taking over. I am changing to be a better, stronger, lovelier version of myself and it's all because the love of Jesus is flowing strong, wild and free within me. How could I not share and give Him the honor and glory He deserves for this marvelous work?!
Thursday, June 18, 2009
how many more ways can i say "blessings"
1. air conditioning. ours went out tonight. it's amazing stuff.
2. candles. do you know how soothing they are?
3. i love memories. i have amazing friends... but i miss your friendship sir. i admit, i really miss being beyond sarcastic with you.
4. God's provision. i have a job. i start next weekend.
5. peace from Father Love. what would i do without it?
merci beaucoup mon Père cher.
2. candles. do you know how soothing they are?
3. i love memories. i have amazing friends... but i miss your friendship sir. i admit, i really miss being beyond sarcastic with you.
4. God's provision. i have a job. i start next weekend.
5. peace from Father Love. what would i do without it?
merci beaucoup mon Père cher.
Repent is My Every Other Word
I yelled at God today. More like raised my voice. Either way there was loud noises coming from my vocal chords. I repented. But I know what B is going to call and tell me. And maybe it's just me feeling competitive, or envious, or left behind, or all of the above. But right now left behind sounds like a very good way to put it.
Bethany and Caleb have gone to college before me. They've both gotten significant others before me. They have both known exactly what they wanted to do with their lives (goodness, I still don't know that!). They've both left the house before me. They have done everything before me. And yeah, I feel really left out and left behind.
I repented, of course, because I am in the middle of this vow. And maybe I should just cut out the country music because it makes me want a country boy even more than normal. Someone once told me that I would probably marry a farmer. I laughed at the time, but I wouldn't mind now.
Anyways, I really didn't care that Caleb had a girlfriend, I mean it was a bit weird because I never thought he would get a girl before Bethany or I had a boy, but that's what happened and we all love Hannah so who cares. And Amy? I thought the whole thing was stupid. But Bethany? I am happy for her. I really am, but seriously, I have a hard time listening to all of her mushy talk about Benny. But if she stopped I'd be mad (so Bethany, if you read this, don't stop!). I never thought it would be this hard. I don't feel jealous so I guess it's not envy. I just don't understand why they can have it and I can't. Of course, as RG likes to remind me, there aren't any options around here (except him and the more I'm around him, the more I am so glad he was never interested in me and the more I'm beyond happy I got over him).
Pray for me. I am having a hard time. And I'm not even sure why (besides the fact that I don't have a boy toy and I REALLY want one! :)) Lord, I repent.
On the plus side I am feeling more confident about myself than I have felt in a long time. Praise the Lord. I admit, I need to lose a few more pounds, but I'm not obsessing about it. I'm getting to the point of loving my body... but I really like my body right now and I'm not trying to hide my curves. ;)
I'm about to take Anna to work. I start classes next week and also my new job! I'm really excited about all of it. I can't wait for classes to start. I LOVE college! But not for the same reasons as the song. :)
Bethany and Caleb have gone to college before me. They've both gotten significant others before me. They have both known exactly what they wanted to do with their lives (goodness, I still don't know that!). They've both left the house before me. They have done everything before me. And yeah, I feel really left out and left behind.
I repented, of course, because I am in the middle of this vow. And maybe I should just cut out the country music because it makes me want a country boy even more than normal. Someone once told me that I would probably marry a farmer. I laughed at the time, but I wouldn't mind now.
Anyways, I really didn't care that Caleb had a girlfriend, I mean it was a bit weird because I never thought he would get a girl before Bethany or I had a boy, but that's what happened and we all love Hannah so who cares. And Amy? I thought the whole thing was stupid. But Bethany? I am happy for her. I really am, but seriously, I have a hard time listening to all of her mushy talk about Benny. But if she stopped I'd be mad (so Bethany, if you read this, don't stop!). I never thought it would be this hard. I don't feel jealous so I guess it's not envy. I just don't understand why they can have it and I can't. Of course, as RG likes to remind me, there aren't any options around here (except him and the more I'm around him, the more I am so glad he was never interested in me and the more I'm beyond happy I got over him).
Pray for me. I am having a hard time. And I'm not even sure why (besides the fact that I don't have a boy toy and I REALLY want one! :)) Lord, I repent.
On the plus side I am feeling more confident about myself than I have felt in a long time. Praise the Lord. I admit, I need to lose a few more pounds, but I'm not obsessing about it. I'm getting to the point of loving my body... but I really like my body right now and I'm not trying to hide my curves. ;)
I'm about to take Anna to work. I start classes next week and also my new job! I'm really excited about all of it. I can't wait for classes to start. I LOVE college! But not for the same reasons as the song. :)
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Terrible, Horrible, and Just Plain Bad
Oh my goodness. I have just done the worst thing I've done in.... two weeks?! haha! My current guy problem.... I just told him that I am in love with a married man. I'm not really. I just LOVE Jason Aldean! I think he is my favorite country artist right now. I am going to buy that boys cd. But my guy problem (we'll call him James), James, told me that he had something personal to tell me. I said, Okay, tell me now. This was over fb chat. He said no, he had to tell me in person. I knew what he was going to say. He likes me. He has from the moment he saw me. How do I know? Because he has been like my little best friend ever since and one of his homeboys told me James liked me a couple weeks ago.
So then I told James tonight that I was in love with a married man. Actually it's my fb status right now. And maybe he'll take a hint that I'm not interested. Is that horrible?
I keep laughing.... ;)
I went to the Bible study at RG's tonight for the first time in two weeks. It was good. I've missed the study. I've missed RG, and everyone. Poor kid, RG looked like he was about to fall over. He needs more sleep.
I keep digging this hole with James. I need to tell him it's not true... but I really don't want too. He just told me he's glad I found someone. I am such a terrible person.
Okay, so my blessings for the day:
1. Time by myself. It's so refreshing.
2. Having been and continuing to be made fearfully and wonderfully in Father Love's eyes.
3. Amazing friends to hang out with and sing songs of praise to our Savior.
4. Forgiveness, forgiveness, and more forgiveness.
5. With a sense of humor (however sick it may be! lol)
So then I told James tonight that I was in love with a married man. Actually it's my fb status right now. And maybe he'll take a hint that I'm not interested. Is that horrible?
I keep laughing.... ;)
I went to the Bible study at RG's tonight for the first time in two weeks. It was good. I've missed the study. I've missed RG, and everyone. Poor kid, RG looked like he was about to fall over. He needs more sleep.
I keep digging this hole with James. I need to tell him it's not true... but I really don't want too. He just told me he's glad I found someone. I am such a terrible person.
Okay, so my blessings for the day:
1. Time by myself. It's so refreshing.
2. Having been and continuing to be made fearfully and wonderfully in Father Love's eyes.
3. Amazing friends to hang out with and sing songs of praise to our Savior.
4. Forgiveness, forgiveness, and more forgiveness.
5. With a sense of humor (however sick it may be! lol)
Pot of Gold at the End
I took this picture Saturday while Joe and I were driving to Macon. Isn't it beautiful?! I love precious reminders of God's amazing love!
I couldn't get the entire thing, but it was a whole rainbow! It went into the clouds and came out on the other end. Absolutely breathtaking!
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Blah, Blah, Blah (that's how i feel... kinda)
So I'm being really bad at this whole blog about a chapter a day thing. I will get back on target tomorrow. I'm just really tired right now and the headache I've had all day is getting a bit stronger.
I need to tell you guys about the current guy problem I'm having; about the kitchen cabinets; and I'm sure there is other stuff I need to update you on, but I can't remember right now.
Blessings:
Food after a 2 hour bike ride.
Water - the stuff never taste so good as it does in the middle of a bike ride.
My God given ability to smell. Do you know how many wonderful smells there are in this world? The tiny bit of things I've been able to smell is just incredible. I'm very thankful for my nose.
Friends to bike with on lonely roads (Dad sees this as a blessing too. He doesn't care for me riding by myself).
Hot showers (need I say more?!)
I need to tell you guys about the current guy problem I'm having; about the kitchen cabinets; and I'm sure there is other stuff I need to update you on, but I can't remember right now.
Blessings:
Food after a 2 hour bike ride.
Water - the stuff never taste so good as it does in the middle of a bike ride.
My God given ability to smell. Do you know how many wonderful smells there are in this world? The tiny bit of things I've been able to smell is just incredible. I'm very thankful for my nose.
Friends to bike with on lonely roads (Dad sees this as a blessing too. He doesn't care for me riding by myself).
Hot showers (need I say more?!)
Monday, June 15, 2009
Top 5
Blessings
New music to share with friends (Meg, he's pretty amazing! http://www.myspace.com/benschofieldmusic)
Dad's hamburgers (they are always different, but always amazing)
Being able to scare people (this is a huge blessing)
Fully loaded potatoes (man, I love good food!)
God giving me exactly what I need
New music to share with friends (Meg, he's pretty amazing! http://www.myspace.com/benschofieldmusic)
Dad's hamburgers (they are always different, but always amazing)
Being able to scare people (this is a huge blessing)
Fully loaded potatoes (man, I love good food!)
God giving me exactly what I need
Sunday, June 14, 2009
2 Peter
The Lord seems to want me to understand how important godly knowledge and understanding is in my life. The first half of chapter one is all about having godly knowledge and adding to your spiritual garden fruits of righteousness.
"...having escaped the corruption that is in the world through lust.
But also for this very reason, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue, to virtue knowledge, to knowledge self-control, to self-control, perseverance, to perseverance godliness, to godliness brotherly kindness, to brotherly kindness love. For if these things are yours and abound, you will be neither barren nor unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ." 2 Peter 1:4-9
Peter goes on to warn his brothers and sisters to be careful about false teaching. This is very important in the Christ walk. If you don't know what is true and what is false then what do you know? This is even important when we hear our pastors preach. We must know the Word, the gospel and the truth.
We have to be careful also in the people we spend time around. People are big influences whether or not we realize.
I love verse 8 of chapter 2:
"for that righteous man, dwelling among them, tormented his righteous soul from day to day be seeing and hearing their lawless deeds."
"The Lord is not slack concerning His promise, as some count slackness, but is longsuffering toward us, not wiling that any should perish but that all should come to repentance."
I forget His promises all the time! Especially His promise to return and take me home with Him. But as chapter 3 goes on to say, the day of the Lord will come as a thief in the night so to look "forward to these things, be diligent to be found by Him in peace, without spot and blameless; and consider that the longsuffering of our Lord is salvation..."
I pray I will REMEMBER His promises all the time! That my Lord will bring them to my mind and heart constantly so that I will be in peace, without spot and blameless on the day of His coming.
"...having escaped the corruption that is in the world through lust.
But also for this very reason, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue, to virtue knowledge, to knowledge self-control, to self-control, perseverance, to perseverance godliness, to godliness brotherly kindness, to brotherly kindness love. For if these things are yours and abound, you will be neither barren nor unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ." 2 Peter 1:4-9
Peter goes on to warn his brothers and sisters to be careful about false teaching. This is very important in the Christ walk. If you don't know what is true and what is false then what do you know? This is even important when we hear our pastors preach. We must know the Word, the gospel and the truth.
We have to be careful also in the people we spend time around. People are big influences whether or not we realize.
I love verse 8 of chapter 2:
"for that righteous man, dwelling among them, tormented his righteous soul from day to day be seeing and hearing their lawless deeds."
"The Lord is not slack concerning His promise, as some count slackness, but is longsuffering toward us, not wiling that any should perish but that all should come to repentance."
I forget His promises all the time! Especially His promise to return and take me home with Him. But as chapter 3 goes on to say, the day of the Lord will come as a thief in the night so to look "forward to these things, be diligent to be found by Him in peace, without spot and blameless; and consider that the longsuffering of our Lord is salvation..."
I pray I will REMEMBER His promises all the time! That my Lord will bring them to my mind and heart constantly so that I will be in peace, without spot and blameless on the day of His coming.
Saturday, June 13, 2009
Bless Your Soul
B. Budgets (they help keep me on the straight and narrow)
L. Coffee (I cannot even begin to say how blessed I am that God chose to make coffee)
E. Memories (Panera will always make me think of B and road trips)
S. Music (that makes you wanna sing along because it speaks to you)
S. Books (man, do I LOVE to read)
p.s. I am not going to get around to blogging about a chapter of the WORD today. But I did want to let you guys know that I started reading 2 Peter. I encourage you to read chapter one. It's pretty amazing. I'll try to blog about both chapter 1 and 2 tomorrow. I have to cook for a picnic so I'll probably spend much of my day in the kitchen. And I'm going to bed now because Joe and I are getting up at 6:30 to go run/walk (I don't really run.... ;) haha).
L. Coffee (I cannot even begin to say how blessed I am that God chose to make coffee)
E. Memories (Panera will always make me think of B and road trips)
S. Music (that makes you wanna sing along because it speaks to you)
S. Books (man, do I LOVE to read)
p.s. I am not going to get around to blogging about a chapter of the WORD today. But I did want to let you guys know that I started reading 2 Peter. I encourage you to read chapter one. It's pretty amazing. I'll try to blog about both chapter 1 and 2 tomorrow. I have to cook for a picnic so I'll probably spend much of my day in the kitchen. And I'm going to bed now because Joe and I are getting up at 6:30 to go run/walk (I don't really run.... ;) haha).
Beer Gut? Ssaaayyy What?
I love music. And music like this makes me very happy. I mean, seriously, I'm not ashamed, I've got a beer gut. I'm not one of those girls who are afraid to eat. I am a fan of food. I don't understand America's fascination with super skinny women with flawless skin and tanned bodies. Most of us girls can't even begin to imagine that being a reality. So knowing that some random musician has noticed that there are hot girls with not-so-perfect bodies is enough to make this girl beyond proud.
Check out Trailer Choir (yes, I'm digging the country music as of late!).
http://www.myspace.com/trailerchoir
Rockin' The Beer Gut
There's a million different types of girls all around the world and they're all so beautiful
No one knows any better than me 'cuz I stare so constantly
But I think I met my match last night at the club, she was sippin' on a Bud, hangin' with her friends on a Friday night
Chorus
5 foot something, cherry bomb she had everything going on
The first thing that caught my eye
She was rockin' the beer gut and I love the way she's not ashamed
Rockin' the beer gut well it's just some extra love around her waist
Rockin' the beer gut she's more than hot, she's everything and with the blue jeans a little tight around her butt
Rockin' the beer gut
Well Toby Keith never looked so good hanging out right there on the front of her black t-shirt
As I walked up to the bar and said, "Can I buy you a drink girl?"
She spun me around and grabbed my hand and said, "First things first we're gonna dance, if you can cut a rug boy
After that, well you can."
Chorus
5 foot something, cherry bomb she had everything going on
The first thing that caught my eye
She was rockin' the beer gut and I love the way she's not ashamed
Rockin' the beer gut well it's just some extra love around her waist
Rockin' the beer gut she's more than hot, she's everything and with the blue jeans a little tight around her butt
Pretty little girl's, rockin' the beer gut
Check out Trailer Choir (yes, I'm digging the country music as of late!).
http://www.myspace.com/trailerchoir
Rockin' The Beer Gut
There's a million different types of girls all around the world and they're all so beautiful
No one knows any better than me 'cuz I stare so constantly
But I think I met my match last night at the club, she was sippin' on a Bud, hangin' with her friends on a Friday night
Chorus
5 foot something, cherry bomb she had everything going on
The first thing that caught my eye
She was rockin' the beer gut and I love the way she's not ashamed
Rockin' the beer gut well it's just some extra love around her waist
Rockin' the beer gut she's more than hot, she's everything and with the blue jeans a little tight around her butt
Rockin' the beer gut
Well Toby Keith never looked so good hanging out right there on the front of her black t-shirt
As I walked up to the bar and said, "Can I buy you a drink girl?"
She spun me around and grabbed my hand and said, "First things first we're gonna dance, if you can cut a rug boy
After that, well you can."
Chorus
5 foot something, cherry bomb she had everything going on
The first thing that caught my eye
She was rockin' the beer gut and I love the way she's not ashamed
Rockin' the beer gut well it's just some extra love around her waist
Rockin' the beer gut she's more than hot, she's everything and with the blue jeans a little tight around her butt
Pretty little girl's, rockin' the beer gut
Bethany, Boy Toys and Vows
I am back. Well, I feel like the "real" Lydia is back. The happy, go-lucky, life-lovin' Lydia is back. I haven't felt this way in a while. A llloooonnnnnggggg while. I love me. That sounds so stuck-up. But I think I am a cool person when I let Jesus take over my heart and mind and love me something good... and actually BELIEVE He loves me and not just this fake (*sings inside head*), "Oooohhh, Jesus loves me, because the church and my family tells me so". Yeah, none of that in this girl. Right now, it's just me and Jesus. And He's loving His baby girl so fine that it makes my heart warm and melty.
I am sitting in Panera Bread Company in Macon. Joe is take the ACT and I have nothing to do but write a blog. So here I am and I'm enjoying every minute of it. I miss my myspace blogging days. Those blogs were always fun and full of life. That was back when I hadn't forgotten Who my Savior and Lover is. Amazing how it shows in every part of your life, isn't it?
Anyways, I love Panera because they have good food (I'm just drinking a frozen mocha right now), good smells, good looking boys come in the place (Lord, I repent!), and it reminds me of Bethany. Anything that reminds me of Bethany is a good thing.
She has a boyfriend now. His name is Ben. Bethany and Ben. B&B. Now you won't know who I'm talking about if I write "B". It has been the strangest thing knowing B has a boy toy. I mean, Caleb having a girl was a bit different. He and I don't have the bonds of sisterhood. We have the bonds of siblinghood, but not the bonds of sistahhood. There is a HUGE difference. Sisters just know things. We can feel it. We need each other like we need Jesus, air and water. If your sister is gone, then part of you is gone. It's hard to explain and for you to understand if you don't have a sister. B having a b-toy has been hard. One, she's not here. She isn't coming home after dates and telling me all about it (praise the Lord she's not because they go on dates and then spend all night talking on the phone! That boy'd be on my hater list as quick as that *snaps fingers*). I always imagined that she would be here and even after she left for college that image didn't change. I guess it should have, but it didn't. That and I guess I thought we'd go through it together. You know, she'd have a b-toy and I'd have a boy toy and we'd be all boy toy happy together. Yeah, not happening! Ha! I'm doing a stinkin' vow of celibacy for crying out loud! So it's not been easy to say the least. I've had a harder time than I care to admit. I mean, a much harder time. I think I've been looking at every guy that came my way like, "Oh, my word, he's probably the Chosen One!" My eyes start growing wider than a cat in a dead-end alley who's just been spooked by a ghost and my heart starts beating like a cow with the mad disease and my mind starts racing and, and, then POOF! Nothing. Boy runs, I am cure (not by choice) of my spooked-cat-mad-cow-racing disease and then I am left angry because I want to be sick, but not that kind of sick. Does that make sense?
Praise the Lord that SCMCR disease doesn't actually exist and that He is drawing my crazy heart back where it should be! In His caring arms.
I no longer have pink eye. I woke up this morning and my eye is as white as my other eye has been. Thank You Jesus! Heaven knows I was tired of looking like an zombie(as my brothers liked to ever so faithfully remind me). I really believe the wrist and the pink eye were spiritual attacks. I can think of no other reasonable explanation for them happening. I am expecting something to happen next week. I've been reading and praying Eph. 6 over myself. God has blessed me with protection! Amen to that!
Yesterday and today everywhere I've gone I have seen some FINE men. And when I mean fine, I mean F-I-N-E, fine. Part of my vow is to not even think about marriage, or having a boyfriend, or anything like that. I have been repenting like crazy! I believe this is satan trying to get to me. I refuse to be moved in the name of Jesus Christ my Lord! So keep me in your prayers as far (some lady just walked past me and man, did she smell like a wet dog! God forgive me that was not kind.).... uuuhhhh.... prayer. Fine men. Yeah, because God gave this girl eyes and fine men do not go unappreciated or non-admired. Keep me covered with the blood (dog lady just passed again! UGH!) of Jesus because this is a struggle (ask B and A, they know all too well!).
I need to go pee and then go pick up Joe. I hope you guys are having a very blessed day in our precious Lord's almighty and all powerful love!
I am sitting in Panera Bread Company in Macon. Joe is take the ACT and I have nothing to do but write a blog. So here I am and I'm enjoying every minute of it. I miss my myspace blogging days. Those blogs were always fun and full of life. That was back when I hadn't forgotten Who my Savior and Lover is. Amazing how it shows in every part of your life, isn't it?
Anyways, I love Panera because they have good food (I'm just drinking a frozen mocha right now), good smells, good looking boys come in the place (Lord, I repent!), and it reminds me of Bethany. Anything that reminds me of Bethany is a good thing.
She has a boyfriend now. His name is Ben. Bethany and Ben. B&B. Now you won't know who I'm talking about if I write "B". It has been the strangest thing knowing B has a boy toy. I mean, Caleb having a girl was a bit different. He and I don't have the bonds of sisterhood. We have the bonds of siblinghood, but not the bonds of sistahhood. There is a HUGE difference. Sisters just know things. We can feel it. We need each other like we need Jesus, air and water. If your sister is gone, then part of you is gone. It's hard to explain and for you to understand if you don't have a sister. B having a b-toy has been hard. One, she's not here. She isn't coming home after dates and telling me all about it (praise the Lord she's not because they go on dates and then spend all night talking on the phone! That boy'd be on my hater list as quick as that *snaps fingers*). I always imagined that she would be here and even after she left for college that image didn't change. I guess it should have, but it didn't. That and I guess I thought we'd go through it together. You know, she'd have a b-toy and I'd have a boy toy and we'd be all boy toy happy together. Yeah, not happening! Ha! I'm doing a stinkin' vow of celibacy for crying out loud! So it's not been easy to say the least. I've had a harder time than I care to admit. I mean, a much harder time. I think I've been looking at every guy that came my way like, "Oh, my word, he's probably the Chosen One!" My eyes start growing wider than a cat in a dead-end alley who's just been spooked by a ghost and my heart starts beating like a cow with the mad disease and my mind starts racing and, and, then POOF! Nothing. Boy runs, I am cure (not by choice) of my spooked-cat-mad-cow-racing disease and then I am left angry because I want to be sick, but not that kind of sick. Does that make sense?
Praise the Lord that SCMCR disease doesn't actually exist and that He is drawing my crazy heart back where it should be! In His caring arms.
I no longer have pink eye. I woke up this morning and my eye is as white as my other eye has been. Thank You Jesus! Heaven knows I was tired of looking like an zombie(as my brothers liked to ever so faithfully remind me). I really believe the wrist and the pink eye were spiritual attacks. I can think of no other reasonable explanation for them happening. I am expecting something to happen next week. I've been reading and praying Eph. 6 over myself. God has blessed me with protection! Amen to that!
Yesterday and today everywhere I've gone I have seen some FINE men. And when I mean fine, I mean F-I-N-E, fine. Part of my vow is to not even think about marriage, or having a boyfriend, or anything like that. I have been repenting like crazy! I believe this is satan trying to get to me. I refuse to be moved in the name of Jesus Christ my Lord! So keep me in your prayers as far (some lady just walked past me and man, did she smell like a wet dog! God forgive me that was not kind.).... uuuhhhh.... prayer. Fine men. Yeah, because God gave this girl eyes and fine men do not go unappreciated or non-admired. Keep me covered with the blood (dog lady just passed again! UGH!) of Jesus because this is a struggle (ask B and A, they know all too well!).
I need to go pee and then go pick up Joe. I hope you guys are having a very blessed day in our precious Lord's almighty and all powerful love!
Friday, June 12, 2009
The Blessed Five
1. Being sweetly admired when I felt like I looked horrible, actually I felt horrible and I wanted to cry after it happened because it made my day.
2. Cheesy Hallmark movies
3. Travel plans with the coolest girls EVER!!!! Watch NYC we are coming.
4. Late night runs for ice-cream :)
5. Sweet conversations with my Lord while I'm driving.
2. Cheesy Hallmark movies
3. Travel plans with the coolest girls EVER!!!! Watch NYC we are coming.
4. Late night runs for ice-cream :)
5. Sweet conversations with my Lord while I'm driving.
Psalm 111
"I will praise the Lord with my whole heart,
In the assembly of the upright and in the congregation."
This is verse one of Psalm 111. I, at times, find it harder to praise the Lord with my whole heart while I am in the company of "Believers". Am I the only one who feels this way? There are times that I feel like I cannot praise the Lord the way I want (with my whole heart) because I am afraid of what the "upright" and the "congregation" will think. It is ridiculous that I worry about it so much, but to be honest I do.
I want to tell of His great works and show others that His work is honorable, glorious and that His righteousness endures forever and I want to praise Him without shame.
I love that verse 5 says He is mindful of His covenant. What an amazing thing that He is aware of His promise of forgiveness and eternal life to those who trust and obey.
"The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom;
A good understanding have all those who do His commandments.
His praise endures forever."
See a common theme? This is the last verse in Psalm 111. And that is my prayer for myself to fear the Lord completely so that I may fully understand His wisdom and obey His commands thus offering Him the greatest praise possible: My complete life.
In the assembly of the upright and in the congregation."
This is verse one of Psalm 111. I, at times, find it harder to praise the Lord with my whole heart while I am in the company of "Believers". Am I the only one who feels this way? There are times that I feel like I cannot praise the Lord the way I want (with my whole heart) because I am afraid of what the "upright" and the "congregation" will think. It is ridiculous that I worry about it so much, but to be honest I do.
I want to tell of His great works and show others that His work is honorable, glorious and that His righteousness endures forever and I want to praise Him without shame.
I love that verse 5 says He is mindful of His covenant. What an amazing thing that He is aware of His promise of forgiveness and eternal life to those who trust and obey.
"The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom;
A good understanding have all those who do His commandments.
His praise endures forever."
See a common theme? This is the last verse in Psalm 111. And that is my prayer for myself to fear the Lord completely so that I may fully understand His wisdom and obey His commands thus offering Him the greatest praise possible: My complete life.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Habakkuk 3
The last chapter in Habakkuk is all about God's power, His wrath, and His faithfulness.
Verse 2, "O Lord, I have heard Your speech and was afraid; O Lord, revive Your work in the midst of the years! In the midst of the years make it known; in wrath remember mercy."
And verse 16, "When I heard, my body trembled; my lips quivered at the voice; rottenness entered my bones; and I trembled in myself, that I might rest in the day of trouble. When he comes up to the people, he will invade them with his troops."
Habakkuk knew the Lord would do as He said. He would bring the wicked down. Surely you can hear his cry for mercy and his wonder at being able to rest in the midst these days?
I do not fear the Lord as I should. I am not always in awe of the peace that surrounds me in the midst of storms. But, my friends, tell me where else would this peace come from, if not from the Lord? I should stand amazed that He has granted me His great and loving mercy; His peace in the storm.
I know the Lord will move as He wills and He will do as He desires, but do I truly know this? Can I truly understand this? And by understanding, can I truly fear and tremble before the Lord my God?
I don't remember when, but sometime ago (actually a long time ago) I underlined the last three verses. They say:
"Though the fig tree may not blossom,
Nor fruit be on the vines;
Though the labor of the olive may fail,
And the fields yield no food;
Though the flock may be cut off from the fold,
And there be no herd in the stalls -
Yet I will rejoice in the Lord,
I will joy in the God of my salvation.
The Lord God is my strength;
He will make my feet like the deer's feet,
And He will make me walk on my high hills.
To the Chief Musician. With my stringed instruments."
Though Habakkuk had just been trembling at the power of our God, he also knew that he could trust the Lord. He takes a stand. He makes a choice that no matter what he will trust the Lord. He will rejoice in the God of his salvation.
I pray that I will begin to truly understand how powerful and wrathful my God is, but yet how merciful and loving He is as well.
I have enjoyed Habakkuk tremendously. It's been amazing to read of God's faithfulness even in the midst of evil. He prevails. Praise the Lord for that! I needed to hear it. Evil has been in my midst and He has, He will be and He is faithful to me. I do not deserve it.
Verse 2, "O Lord, I have heard Your speech and was afraid; O Lord, revive Your work in the midst of the years! In the midst of the years make it known; in wrath remember mercy."
And verse 16, "When I heard, my body trembled; my lips quivered at the voice; rottenness entered my bones; and I trembled in myself, that I might rest in the day of trouble. When he comes up to the people, he will invade them with his troops."
Habakkuk knew the Lord would do as He said. He would bring the wicked down. Surely you can hear his cry for mercy and his wonder at being able to rest in the midst these days?
I do not fear the Lord as I should. I am not always in awe of the peace that surrounds me in the midst of storms. But, my friends, tell me where else would this peace come from, if not from the Lord? I should stand amazed that He has granted me His great and loving mercy; His peace in the storm.
I know the Lord will move as He wills and He will do as He desires, but do I truly know this? Can I truly understand this? And by understanding, can I truly fear and tremble before the Lord my God?
I don't remember when, but sometime ago (actually a long time ago) I underlined the last three verses. They say:
"Though the fig tree may not blossom,
Nor fruit be on the vines;
Though the labor of the olive may fail,
And the fields yield no food;
Though the flock may be cut off from the fold,
And there be no herd in the stalls -
Yet I will rejoice in the Lord,
I will joy in the God of my salvation.
The Lord God is my strength;
He will make my feet like the deer's feet,
And He will make me walk on my high hills.
To the Chief Musician. With my stringed instruments."
Though Habakkuk had just been trembling at the power of our God, he also knew that he could trust the Lord. He takes a stand. He makes a choice that no matter what he will trust the Lord. He will rejoice in the God of his salvation.
I pray that I will begin to truly understand how powerful and wrathful my God is, but yet how merciful and loving He is as well.
I have enjoyed Habakkuk tremendously. It's been amazing to read of God's faithfulness even in the midst of evil. He prevails. Praise the Lord for that! I needed to hear it. Evil has been in my midst and He has, He will be and He is faithful to me. I do not deserve it.
5
Blessings
1. Busy days that are needed to offset the lazy ones (that I seem to be having all the time now!)
2. Hair appointments. A change in styles is always appreciated (or not).
3. Kids who make me laugh! I love Spank.
4. Knowing when I am weak He is strong.
5. Toothbrushes (I love my toothbrush).
1. Busy days that are needed to offset the lazy ones (that I seem to be having all the time now!)
2. Hair appointments. A change in styles is always appreciated (or not).
3. Kids who make me laugh! I love Spank.
4. Knowing when I am weak He is strong.
5. Toothbrushes (I love my toothbrush).
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
For Meg
Dear Meg,
I was very heartbroken to find you removed from my friends list. As far as I know you are nowhere to be found on Facebook.
But I was thinking about you today and wanted to share the following with you! I hope you enjoy.
http://www.hostessblog.com/2007/11/adorable-upcakes/
http://www.hostessblog.com/2009/04/adorable-owl-bird-cupcakes/
Have you seen this site?!
http://cupcakestakethecake.blogspot.com/2007/02/totally-adorable-cupcake-bracelet.html
http://www.insanitytheory.net/kitchenwench/lemon-cupcakes/
http://www.amazon.com/Hello-Cupcake-Irresistibly-Playful-Creations/dp/0618829253/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1244658627&sr=8-1
I am your biggest cupcake loving fan!
Much Love,
Lydia
I was very heartbroken to find you removed from my friends list. As far as I know you are nowhere to be found on Facebook.
But I was thinking about you today and wanted to share the following with you! I hope you enjoy.
http://www.hostessblog.com/2007/11/adorable-upcakes/
http://www.hostessblog.com/2009/04/adorable-owl-bird-cupcakes/
Have you seen this site?!
http://cupcakestakethecake.blogspot.com/2007/02/totally-adorable-cupcake-bracelet.html
http://www.insanitytheory.net/kitchenwench/lemon-cupcakes/
http://www.amazon.com/Hello-Cupcake-Irresistibly-Playful-Creations/dp/0618829253/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1244658627&sr=8-1
I am your biggest cupcake loving fan!
Much Love,
Lydia
Habakkuk 2
The first thing that strikes me about this chapter is that Habakkuk is waiting on the Lord. He is standing watch to see what the Lord will say to him.
I am not a patient person nor do I care to be corrected. But waiting on the Lord is of great importance. I have no knowledge that compares to the Father, the Creator of all. So patiently waiting for His answer (no matter what the reply will be) is on of the greatest ways to show Him respect (in my opinion).
Let's jump to Proverbs 1:1-7 :
The proverbs of Solomon the son of David, king of Israel:
To know wisdom and instruction,
To perceive the words of understanding,
To receive the instruction of wisdom,
Justice, judgment, and equity;
To give prudence to the simple,
To the young man knowledge and discretion -
A wise man will hear and increase learning,
And a man of understanding will attain wise wise counsel,
To understand a proverb and an enigma,
The words of the wise and their riddles.
The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge,
But fools despise wisdom and instruction.
Here we have it spelled out very clearly that the only way to gain godly understanding, wisdom, justice, judgment and equity is to fear the Lord. If we do not fear the Lord, how will we trust that His wisdom and knowledge is greater than our own? If we don't trust Him, how can we expect to wait for His answer?
Psalm 37:1-11 goes right along with Habakkuk. It says:
Do not fret because of evildoers,
Nor be envious of the workers of iniquity.
For they shall be cut down like the grass,
And wither as the green herb.
Trust in the Lord and do good;
Dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness.
Delight yourself also in the Lord,
And He shall give you the desires of your heart.
Commit your way to the Lord,
Trust also in Him,
And He shall bring it to pass.
He shall bring forth your righteousness as the light,
And your justice as the noonday.
Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for Him;
Do not fret because of him who prospers in his way,
Because of the man who brings wicked schemes to pass.
Cease from anger, and forsake wrath;
Do not fret - it only causes harm.
For evildoers will be cut off;
But those who wait on the Lord,
They shall inherit the earth.
For yet a little while and the wicked shall be no more;
Indeed, you will look carefully for his place,
But it shall be no more.
But the meek shall inherit the earth,
And shall delight themselves in the abundance of peace.
Oh, how rich are the promises of God! The Lord is saying in Habakkuk and in Psalm 37 not to worry about the wicked because He knows their end. They will be cut off, but those who wait on the Lord will inherit the earth.
At the end of chapter two the Lord tells Habakkuk that there is no profit in setting up false idols who can do nothing. They can't speak, they cannot hear, they can't teach, they can do nothing. I have found that instead of trusting the Lord, my Creator, I often trust other "things" to give me answers, comfort, etc. I have discovered that doing this only brings me more worries, more discomfort, more stress. The very last verse in Habakkuk says, "But the Lord is in His holy temple. Let all the earth keep silent before Him." Sometimes our best form of worship is being silent before the Lord. Trusting and resting in Him alone.
I am not a patient person nor do I care to be corrected. But waiting on the Lord is of great importance. I have no knowledge that compares to the Father, the Creator of all. So patiently waiting for His answer (no matter what the reply will be) is on of the greatest ways to show Him respect (in my opinion).
Let's jump to Proverbs 1:1-7 :
The proverbs of Solomon the son of David, king of Israel:
To know wisdom and instruction,
To perceive the words of understanding,
To receive the instruction of wisdom,
Justice, judgment, and equity;
To give prudence to the simple,
To the young man knowledge and discretion -
A wise man will hear and increase learning,
And a man of understanding will attain wise wise counsel,
To understand a proverb and an enigma,
The words of the wise and their riddles.
The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge,
But fools despise wisdom and instruction.
Here we have it spelled out very clearly that the only way to gain godly understanding, wisdom, justice, judgment and equity is to fear the Lord. If we do not fear the Lord, how will we trust that His wisdom and knowledge is greater than our own? If we don't trust Him, how can we expect to wait for His answer?
Psalm 37:1-11 goes right along with Habakkuk. It says:
Do not fret because of evildoers,
Nor be envious of the workers of iniquity.
For they shall be cut down like the grass,
And wither as the green herb.
Trust in the Lord and do good;
Dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness.
Delight yourself also in the Lord,
And He shall give you the desires of your heart.
Commit your way to the Lord,
Trust also in Him,
And He shall bring it to pass.
He shall bring forth your righteousness as the light,
And your justice as the noonday.
Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for Him;
Do not fret because of him who prospers in his way,
Because of the man who brings wicked schemes to pass.
Cease from anger, and forsake wrath;
Do not fret - it only causes harm.
For evildoers will be cut off;
But those who wait on the Lord,
They shall inherit the earth.
For yet a little while and the wicked shall be no more;
Indeed, you will look carefully for his place,
But it shall be no more.
But the meek shall inherit the earth,
And shall delight themselves in the abundance of peace.
Oh, how rich are the promises of God! The Lord is saying in Habakkuk and in Psalm 37 not to worry about the wicked because He knows their end. They will be cut off, but those who wait on the Lord will inherit the earth.
At the end of chapter two the Lord tells Habakkuk that there is no profit in setting up false idols who can do nothing. They can't speak, they cannot hear, they can't teach, they can do nothing. I have found that instead of trusting the Lord, my Creator, I often trust other "things" to give me answers, comfort, etc. I have discovered that doing this only brings me more worries, more discomfort, more stress. The very last verse in Habakkuk says, "But the Lord is in His holy temple. Let all the earth keep silent before Him." Sometimes our best form of worship is being silent before the Lord. Trusting and resting in Him alone.
Pass Your Plate
I'm serving blessings! haha! That's pretty cheesy.
1. I'm thankful God has given me talent in the kitchen. I love cooking for other people. Today I made banana bread and plan on sharing it with my Bible study group even though I can't make it to the study with my pink eye.
2. A clean house is a huge blessing. I cannot even begin to explain how much stress is relieved when the house is clean. I feel like I can manage whatever, whenever when the house is clean.
3. Friends who pray for me.
4. Knowing God loves me beyond all measure.
5. Chocolate milk (any form of chocolate is a blessing! lol)
1. I'm thankful God has given me talent in the kitchen. I love cooking for other people. Today I made banana bread and plan on sharing it with my Bible study group even though I can't make it to the study with my pink eye.
2. A clean house is a huge blessing. I cannot even begin to explain how much stress is relieved when the house is clean. I feel like I can manage whatever, whenever when the house is clean.
3. Friends who pray for me.
4. Knowing God loves me beyond all measure.
5. Chocolate milk (any form of chocolate is a blessing! lol)
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Under Attack
I rarely get sick. I mean, I may get a cold once during the winter and then I have allergies during the spring. But besides that I don't normally get sick. I have never broken a bone. I haven't ever sprained anything.
But last week I believe I dislocated a bone in my wrist. I popped my wrist Saturday and it stopped hurting.
And the night before last I woke up in the middle of the night with massive drainage in my left eye. It's been red ever since. I think it may be pink eye, but I'm not positive. Mostly because I haven't had any puss as is normal for pink eye. My eye does kinda itch, it's had a clear film on it and then also a little drainage, but no build up of puss.
I'm being pretty careful about not touching my eye and if I do making sure I wash my hands.
I am wondering if I'm under attack. A spiritual attack with physical illnesses. It's kinda strange that it's happening right after another.
Please continue to pray for me. I'm kinda tired of this.
But last week I believe I dislocated a bone in my wrist. I popped my wrist Saturday and it stopped hurting.
And the night before last I woke up in the middle of the night with massive drainage in my left eye. It's been red ever since. I think it may be pink eye, but I'm not positive. Mostly because I haven't had any puss as is normal for pink eye. My eye does kinda itch, it's had a clear film on it and then also a little drainage, but no build up of puss.
I'm being pretty careful about not touching my eye and if I do making sure I wash my hands.
I am wondering if I'm under attack. A spiritual attack with physical illnesses. It's kinda strange that it's happening right after another.
Please continue to pray for me. I'm kinda tired of this.
Habakkuk 1
I wasn't sure which chapter to read and then blog about so I just opened my Bible. Ever read Habakkuk? I have... once... a long time ago.
Habakkuk asked the Lord, ""...how long shall I cry, and You will not hear?""
I have asked the Lord that so many times. But what good does it do if you aren't willing to take whatever answer the Lord gives?
The Lord replies saying He is going to bring the Chaldeans, a bitter and hasty nation. They will march through the breadth of the earth, to possess the dwelling places that are not theirs. They are terrible and dreadful; their judgment and their dignity proceed from themselves.
Hardships, trials and temptations, are all part of life. What does Father Love say about trials? To rejoice in them. I struggle with this. I know all the right words to say so I can make it look like I'm rejoicing. But knowing how to ignore and bury my emotions make it easy to fake to everyone around me and even myself.
The end of the chapter Habakkuk goes into how the Lord is from everlasting, He is of purer eyes and cannot look on wickedness. But then Habakkuk ask why He looks at them, why the Lord holds His tongue when the wicked devours a person more righteous than he?
It does seem that the Lord overlooks the wicked. But we know that is not the case. Perhaps chapter two will have the answers for those questions tomorrow.
Habakkuk asked the Lord, ""...how long shall I cry, and You will not hear?""
I have asked the Lord that so many times. But what good does it do if you aren't willing to take whatever answer the Lord gives?
The Lord replies saying He is going to bring the Chaldeans, a bitter and hasty nation. They will march through the breadth of the earth, to possess the dwelling places that are not theirs. They are terrible and dreadful; their judgment and their dignity proceed from themselves.
Hardships, trials and temptations, are all part of life. What does Father Love say about trials? To rejoice in them. I struggle with this. I know all the right words to say so I can make it look like I'm rejoicing. But knowing how to ignore and bury my emotions make it easy to fake to everyone around me and even myself.
The end of the chapter Habakkuk goes into how the Lord is from everlasting, He is of purer eyes and cannot look on wickedness. But then Habakkuk ask why He looks at them, why the Lord holds His tongue when the wicked devours a person more righteous than he?
It does seem that the Lord overlooks the wicked. But we know that is not the case. Perhaps chapter two will have the answers for those questions tomorrow.
Monday, June 8, 2009
A Battle for my Heart and Mind
I am venturing into uncharted, unknown, and undiscovered territory. I have just signed a vow of celibacy for the next 30 days.
For me this means blogging about one chapter of Scripture a day. I chose to blog about it because writing something about the Word of God for everyone to read would require deeper diving into the Word. It would be a source of accountability.
I will also be researching four different subjects within Scripture during this time.
I will spend time every morning and every evening praying, repenting and glorifying God. I have set aside certain times during the morning and evening hours.
I will blog, tweet or post on Facebook 5 blessings God has given and/or shown me that day (again, this is another way for me to be held accountable).
I will also not think about marriage, dating, having a boyfriend, etc for the duration of this vow. I think about these subjects way too much and it needs to stop.
I will also spend time fasting from things that have tendency to comfort me in ways they shouldn't (like food. I am an emotional eater).
This vow has been typed and printed. I have signed it with today's date. A and someone else will sign it as a witness and an accountability partner. I do not take this lightly. I do not take vows lightly at all.
I write all of this to say that I need you to help me. I need prayers. This will be a journey like no other. To be honest I'm scared because I know how much control I've allowed satan to have over my life and this is the beginning of a battle for my heart and mind.
For me this means blogging about one chapter of Scripture a day. I chose to blog about it because writing something about the Word of God for everyone to read would require deeper diving into the Word. It would be a source of accountability.
I will also be researching four different subjects within Scripture during this time.
I will spend time every morning and every evening praying, repenting and glorifying God. I have set aside certain times during the morning and evening hours.
I will blog, tweet or post on Facebook 5 blessings God has given and/or shown me that day (again, this is another way for me to be held accountable).
I will also not think about marriage, dating, having a boyfriend, etc for the duration of this vow. I think about these subjects way too much and it needs to stop.
I will also spend time fasting from things that have tendency to comfort me in ways they shouldn't (like food. I am an emotional eater).
This vow has been typed and printed. I have signed it with today's date. A and someone else will sign it as a witness and an accountability partner. I do not take this lightly. I do not take vows lightly at all.
I write all of this to say that I need you to help me. I need prayers. This will be a journey like no other. To be honest I'm scared because I know how much control I've allowed satan to have over my life and this is the beginning of a battle for my heart and mind.
Monday, June 1, 2009
The Cornerstones of My Wall
I don't know if it's because I've been watching for it. But I can feel my buried/blocked emotions. I can feel my hardened heart.
It has to be the Holy Spirit working wonders in my heart, mind and soul.
My problem right now is I don't want to change my rock-hard emotions. I like having this wall between me and that person. Maybe I'll want to change soon, but right now, I don't. I don't want to talk to this person. I don't want to be around this person. I want nothing to do with this person.
Damaged ego, hurt pride and feeling completely worthless are the cornerstones of my wall.
Thankfully, I'm not covering them with false attention and gains. I even ignored some today. Victory in the Lord! That is my song and I'll sing it loud and strong!
Goodness, I am so glad my Savior never gives up on me.
It has to be the Holy Spirit working wonders in my heart, mind and soul.
My problem right now is I don't want to change my rock-hard emotions. I like having this wall between me and that person. Maybe I'll want to change soon, but right now, I don't. I don't want to talk to this person. I don't want to be around this person. I want nothing to do with this person.
Damaged ego, hurt pride and feeling completely worthless are the cornerstones of my wall.
Thankfully, I'm not covering them with false attention and gains. I even ignored some today. Victory in the Lord! That is my song and I'll sing it loud and strong!
Goodness, I am so glad my Savior never gives up on me.
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