This is my 200th blog post (on blogger... there's quite a few more from my younger and more innocence life).
Blogging has been my form of journalling for years. It's been good; a form of release in extremely trying times. I recommend it for everyone.
The Lord has really pressed upon my heart to come up with God honoring boundaries within dating relationships and even guy/girl relationships in general. I've spent the past couple weeks praying about it. I want to honor the Lord so much in everything I say and do and I really believe He is leading me in the following direction (as far as relationships are concerned) and I'm telling you guys so you can help hold me accountable.
Relationships/friendships with Guys -
1. With the exception of one man* there is absolutely no "alone time". This includes riding in a car; being in his (parents) house (or he in my mine); no one-on-one sessions for coffee or lunch, etc, etc. There needs to be a girl/sister/brother with me.
2. No physical touch beyond a hug and even that will be limited to a few certain guys.
3. No flirting. I've been told I need to be coy and, even if I'm interested in a guy, to act like I'm really not. But I hate games. Especially when it comes to peoples hearts (emotions). So no flirting and if need be I will make sure the guy knows exactly where I stand.
Dating Relationships -
1. Limited "alone time". What I mean by that is dates will be in public places: well-lit restaurants, coffee shops, etc. No alone time in his house (or mine). Car rides need to be very limited.
2. No kissing. I don't think holding hands or hugs are inappropriate but I don't want to kiss another guy until my wedding day. In my experience kissing can lead to other things far too quickly and I'd rather not have that temptation. I have to admit I had my inspiration from my Exception Guy.
I can't think of anything else at this moment. But if I do I'll let y'all know. Just keep me in your prayers.
*The one man who is my exception for guy friendships is RG. I know it probably sounds stupid to have an exception, but 1) I have a peace about this and 2) I trust RG with my life and to also be completely God-honoring in everything he does. Soooo.... call me ridiculous if you want, but RG is one of my best friends and I've never known him to do anything that didn't bring glory to the Lord. He is also the reason I've decided to not kiss again until my wedding day. He told me he believes that is the right thing to do and I respect him so much that hearing him say it made me stop and consider that for my own life.
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Premarital Sex
I lost my virginity about 4 weeks ago. I am almost 24 years old and up to that point I had never even been kissed.
I know it was wrong. No, it’s not the way my Mom or Dad raised me. I'm asking if you don't have anything nice to say, then please do not say anything at all. Just take what I'm about to write as a warning or to encourage young women not to have premarital sex.
If someone had told me the following about premarital sex I believe I would have stopped and actually thought about what I was about to do to myself.
1) In my experience premarital sex has made me feel not only unworthy of a godly man, but of life. It has increased suicidal thoughts greatly. I've struggled with those kinds of thoughts in the past, but nothing like I do now.
2) Premarital sex has made me feel ugly not only when I look in the mirror but every waking second of my day. I struggle to see beauty in myself.
3) Premarital sex has made me despise everything I am (see both of the above).
4) Premarital sex has completely taken away my desire for a relationship.
5) Premarital sex made me feel cherished, desired, like I was the most beautiful woman in the world. Premarital sex gave me all of those things in the *moment* it was happening. But the moments after the "sexual high" was over have been the exact opposite of all of those things.
Because of #5 I now know why girls who have premarital sex continue having premarital sex. The reason is that it is in those moments of passion that they feel beautiful, cherished, desired and, last but not least, loved and outside of having sex they struggle to see and feel those things in themselves.
People who throw emotions around and act like they have no meaning are fools. Emotions, feelings are powerful and not to be taken lightly.
For girls, after those moments of passion, all of those feelings disappear and (once again) they become ugly (to themselves and, in their mind, to everyone else); they are no longer worthy of being cherished or desired (both of those feelings are beyond important to a young woman’s self-esteem); and there is no love for themselves nor from other people.
Girls, young ladies, women of all ages, I can guarantee one thing: any man who convinces you to have premarital sex him has nothing but selfish lust. I guarantee there is no love involved whatsoever. I don’t care if he tells you a billion times that he loves you. He’s speaking lies straight from the pit of hell.
Oh, and any man who guilt-trips you into having premarital sex with him by saying something along the lines of, “If you really love me you will have sex with me.” He doesn’t truly love you. He also has nothing but selfish lust and is speaking lies straight from hell.
Premarital sex is an ugly black hole that sucks you in further and further until you've completely lost your self-esteem, your confidence, your beauty, and your innocence. You lose everything when you have premarital sex. You lose you. And it's not worth it.
But for those of you who have had premarital there is hope. After telling a good friend of mine that I had premarital sex and after telling her a of bit of how I felt, she looked at me and said, “Lydia, all of that can be restored. If you truly believe in Christ, and I know you do! And you believe that He is a God who restores, and I know you do! Then you believe He can restore you.” I wanted to cry. That was the first message of hope I had heard from anyone.
And, you know what: I do believe God restores all. I know I sinned and I have sought forgiveness at the throne of the Most High. I have been given far too much grace, mercy and love. You can have forgiveness, grace, mercy and love from Jesus Christ too. He stands waiting for you. He freely gives hope and new life.
I've always said I had no regrets in my life and everything that has happened to me I would do again. But this, this I would change. I would save myself for a thousand years and more to be able to save my virginity until my wedding night if I could start over again. Praise the Lord He forgives.
So I am “airing my dirty laundry” because if I can help someone else not go through the same pain then I will shout this from the mountaintops. So if you are (or a friend is) considering having premarital sex or if you have been there already, and you need someone to talk with: I’m here. Feel free to private message me about anything: salvation through Jesus, premarital sex, life, etc, etc. I promise I will not judge. I will not condemn. I have no place or right and all I have to offer is love through Jesus Christ. I also promise that if you decide to message me what you say will not go beyond our messages.
I beg you save yourself for marriage. Stay a virgin until your wedding night and be proud of it. I don't care what your friends are doing or what they say, I promise it's not worth the pain and headache. You are worth more and you deserve more. You are loved, cherished and desired by Jesus Christ. And He believes you are beautiful. Keep your purity. Save your virginity. You have a gift you can't take back once given. And it's worth holding on to for as long as needed.
John 8:1-12
I know it was wrong. No, it’s not the way my Mom or Dad raised me. I'm asking if you don't have anything nice to say, then please do not say anything at all. Just take what I'm about to write as a warning or to encourage young women not to have premarital sex.
If someone had told me the following about premarital sex I believe I would have stopped and actually thought about what I was about to do to myself.
1) In my experience premarital sex has made me feel not only unworthy of a godly man, but of life. It has increased suicidal thoughts greatly. I've struggled with those kinds of thoughts in the past, but nothing like I do now.
2) Premarital sex has made me feel ugly not only when I look in the mirror but every waking second of my day. I struggle to see beauty in myself.
3) Premarital sex has made me despise everything I am (see both of the above).
4) Premarital sex has completely taken away my desire for a relationship.
5) Premarital sex made me feel cherished, desired, like I was the most beautiful woman in the world. Premarital sex gave me all of those things in the *moment* it was happening. But the moments after the "sexual high" was over have been the exact opposite of all of those things.
Because of #5 I now know why girls who have premarital sex continue having premarital sex. The reason is that it is in those moments of passion that they feel beautiful, cherished, desired and, last but not least, loved and outside of having sex they struggle to see and feel those things in themselves.
People who throw emotions around and act like they have no meaning are fools. Emotions, feelings are powerful and not to be taken lightly.
For girls, after those moments of passion, all of those feelings disappear and (once again) they become ugly (to themselves and, in their mind, to everyone else); they are no longer worthy of being cherished or desired (both of those feelings are beyond important to a young woman’s self-esteem); and there is no love for themselves nor from other people.
Girls, young ladies, women of all ages, I can guarantee one thing: any man who convinces you to have premarital sex him has nothing but selfish lust. I guarantee there is no love involved whatsoever. I don’t care if he tells you a billion times that he loves you. He’s speaking lies straight from the pit of hell.
Oh, and any man who guilt-trips you into having premarital sex with him by saying something along the lines of, “If you really love me you will have sex with me.” He doesn’t truly love you. He also has nothing but selfish lust and is speaking lies straight from hell.
Premarital sex is an ugly black hole that sucks you in further and further until you've completely lost your self-esteem, your confidence, your beauty, and your innocence. You lose everything when you have premarital sex. You lose you. And it's not worth it.
But for those of you who have had premarital there is hope. After telling a good friend of mine that I had premarital sex and after telling her a of bit of how I felt, she looked at me and said, “Lydia, all of that can be restored. If you truly believe in Christ, and I know you do! And you believe that He is a God who restores, and I know you do! Then you believe He can restore you.” I wanted to cry. That was the first message of hope I had heard from anyone.
And, you know what: I do believe God restores all. I know I sinned and I have sought forgiveness at the throne of the Most High. I have been given far too much grace, mercy and love. You can have forgiveness, grace, mercy and love from Jesus Christ too. He stands waiting for you. He freely gives hope and new life.
I've always said I had no regrets in my life and everything that has happened to me I would do again. But this, this I would change. I would save myself for a thousand years and more to be able to save my virginity until my wedding night if I could start over again. Praise the Lord He forgives.
So I am “airing my dirty laundry” because if I can help someone else not go through the same pain then I will shout this from the mountaintops. So if you are (or a friend is) considering having premarital sex or if you have been there already, and you need someone to talk with: I’m here. Feel free to private message me about anything: salvation through Jesus, premarital sex, life, etc, etc. I promise I will not judge. I will not condemn. I have no place or right and all I have to offer is love through Jesus Christ. I also promise that if you decide to message me what you say will not go beyond our messages.
I beg you save yourself for marriage. Stay a virgin until your wedding night and be proud of it. I don't care what your friends are doing or what they say, I promise it's not worth the pain and headache. You are worth more and you deserve more. You are loved, cherished and desired by Jesus Christ. And He believes you are beautiful. Keep your purity. Save your virginity. You have a gift you can't take back once given. And it's worth holding on to for as long as needed.
John 8:1-12
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