Hello Beautiful, Dangerous Life

I am sitting on the toilet as I write... you didn't *really* need to know that, but it's the only time I have for "free time" right now.

So "crush" is just another word for infatuate. Infatuate means "to inspire or possess with a foolish or unreasoning passion, as of love". I'm afraid I have a crush/am infatuated with a guy I've seen around town. I look for him everywhere I go.

He is the reason I asked Mario about his too old/young formula. This guy is older than me. I've asked three different people about it. Bethany told me to stay away from him (not hard to do when I've only seen him at work and once at McDonald's almost a month ago). A new friend told me that "Maybe you are one of those women who go for older men." And Jared told me 1) find out who he is and 2) life is about taking risks.
Finding out who he is seems like a very good place to start. When I see him he makes my heart rate go crazy and I can't think. So... I don't know. What do you think?

I haven't been this stressed in years. Maybe not ever. Between three classes and my new job I have been running in circles trying to make sure I get everything done that needs to be done. I have cried more than I ever have when it's not that time of the month. I've spent more time in prayer. More time pouring over math than anything. I forget to eat unless it's on the run. I've had a stomach ache the last couple days. Felt like I needed to throw up but nothing would come. Thought about making myself, but then decided I didn't want to do that. Cried myself to sleep one too many nights. Drank way too much coffee and craved way too much chocolate. Not to mention one of my co-workers fell and broke her collarbone last Friday. She reminded me of Mom so much. Fighting the urge to run was really hard. I gave her medicine and gatorade from a cup with a lid and straw. You have no idea how many times I'd done the same thing for Mom. And then when she reached for the medicine, it was like watching Mom's hand, weak and wrinkled, reaching for pain meds.

Stress makes me want to sleep, eat, drink coffee and walk. *grins* The sleep and coffee part I've got down. Stress also makes me restless. I guess deep down when I'm stressed I want to run (oh, wait, isn't that just what I said a moment ago?) and run as fast and as far as I can. It also makes me stupid. I realized that last night when I went for a walk. I normally walk in the empty neighborhood near our house (it's just a road and woods) but the other night there were some people riding a golf cart in it and I didn't want to walk by myself with them there. So I walked on HWY 27 down to the next road. Semi-trucks are even scarier when they are going 60 plus mph and you are walking. Oh, and walking down HWY 27 is also a good way to pick up boys. I had two of the cutest boys I've seen in a while stop, turn around and ask if my car had broken down. You know I was/am going crazy when I didn't even feel defensive and on guard. I think the reason I didn’t feel that way was because the guy driving reminded me of Hank Ekkel. Goodness Hank was about as harmless as they come. But looking back, praise the Lord, those guys were just being good ol’ Southern Gentleman and they didn’t grab me, slam me into back seat and drive off with no one knowing what had happened to me.

Friday is the last day of summer classes. Thank goodness. I don’t think I could take another week. I am going to celebrate and take myself out on a date! My favorite thing to do. I'm thinking a movie and Starbucks while I read "Envy".

That being said, I need to go. I have a study guide to complete and I need to review all four chapters of the math. But before I go… The song of my life right now: “I Run to You” Lady Antebellum. You should listen to it. I love it. According to Joe, my song is "Fix You" by Coldplay... it does sound eerily like my life right now.

p.s. I didn't write this entire thing on the toilet so Dad no worries about me getting blood clots or whatever it is you say I'm going to get by reading on the toilet, etc!