In response to CoolGuy's question about God bring your mate vs. guys pursing girls... hold on. Let me reread so I remember exactly what I'm answering!
Personally, I think the idea of God bringing your mate to you while you sit around doing nothing is stupid. I'm not saying it can't happen that way (because it most certainly can; God can do anything He wants) but what I am saying is by saying and believing that it takes all responsibility away from the guy to actually do something. I'm going to be addressing guys because they are the ones that are supposed to start the relationship.
Let's go back to where this line of thinking started (this is always the scripture people use to back up this nonsense). Please open your Bible to Genesis 24. This is about Isaac and Rebekah. Two problems I immediately see with using this story to back up "waiting around".
1. Abraham decides when Isaac will marry.
2. Neither Isaac or Rebekah know who they are marrying... they just know they are getting married.
Okay. So clearly guys who agree with this "God will bring my future mate to me. I just have to wait on Him" stuff either haven't thought about it much at all or they just really want their daddy picking out their wife.
From what I know (which I admit is precious little) arranged marriages were how marriage was "done" in Biblical times. The Father chose the bride for the groom. The fathers of the bride and the groom got together to talk about it. They either decide they want to go ahead with the marriage or they chose not to. The fathers arranged the marriage.
That has nothing to do with you sitting on your butt waiting for God to bring you a wife.
Secondly, very few marriages that start with the couple barely knowing each other actually last. Yes, some arranged, "wouldn't know you if I passed you on the street" marriages do work. But are they best? Is that what you want in a marriage (going based on this scripture!)?
The story of how God brings Isaac and Rebekah is no doubt a beautiful story. But I think it's incredibly lame to use that as an excuse not to search for your future wife.
Let me turn you to Proverbs. Let's see... there are so many good ones. But let's start with the most obvious. Proverbs 18:22 "He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord."
Wow. Did you catch that one word? FINDS. How do you find things? You search for them!
Turn to Proverbs 25:2 "It is the glory of God to conceal a matter, but the glory of kings is to search out a matter."
Is having a wife of importance to you? Then search it out! God in His amazing glory has concealed and it is your glory to search for Him and your future wife.
Now on Proverbs 31:10 "Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies."
Once again we have the word find. Finding... searching... finding... Hello! Do we see what is going on here?! It's a call for guys to search. To find the one they've been waiting for. If you don't search and pursue how will you find and catch?! When you do find your woman you are going to have to pursue and capture her heart so get a head start and find her already!
Seek the Lord with all of your heart, mind and soul. Seek your wife by searching out God and His desires for your life. Keep your heart and eyes wide open. You never know where you might meet her and you certainly don't want to be sitting around doing nothing while some other guy comes around and swoops her off like a chickenhawk! Macocoo take me away! (those of you who have seen the Pirate will appreciate that!)
Seriously guys. There is call for you to search, to find and to pursue. There are so many girls waiting for guys to step up and be men. Don't assume you know what will happen when you don't. You don't hold the future. The Lord does. So don't live in fear! Get out there and be a man! Please stop being mice.
17 comments:
So you are recommending that I activate eharmony as soon as possible?
Ummm.... I'm not sure how to respond to that. But if that is what the Lord is leading you to do... then yes...?!
Actually, my childhood and family development class informed me that arranged marriages work out as good if not better than normal marriages as far as divorce rates go
Is that because the culture in which the arranged marriage takes place doesn't approve of divorce? I'm just curious.
i'm not really sure because the video made it sound like their marital satisfaction was just as good. the couples were arranged by their parents but they did meet each other and approve before any steps were taken place so it wasn't really forced. it was kind of having the idea of that there are a lot of people out there that you can marry if you'd only work at it.
I am open to an arranged marriage.
I was going to ask about marital satisfaction. I mean, how many of them are truly happy in their marriage? I do agree that any marriage can work if a lot of hard work is put into it. But face it, most American's don't like hard work (whether it's in marriage, jobs, etc).
so it doesn't really matter if the man seeks the woman or not if they're not going to work hard in the end
It may not matter to you. But it matters to me. Arranged marriages are not part of my culture (or even my sub-culture) so it is very important to me that a man pursues. That he seeks and searches. Are you for or against men working hard before the marriage to win a woman's heart? Or are you hardcore for arranged marriages?
i meant that to be more of a question but i suppose it would have needed a question mark. half of the things i post i don't believe i just like to discuss. i personally agreed with most things said in the blog
haha! I like you. I do the same thing. Ask a question when I already know the answer or have an opinion on just so others will discuss it.
Welcome to my blog Alabama. I hope you stick around and comment often. Have we met before? I am super curious and love asking that question.
I wrote "Are you for or against men working hard before the marriage to win a woman's heart?"
I am also very much so for man pursing his wife even after he's won her heart and married her. In fact, I believe this is even more important than the pursing during the dating/courtship (whatever you want to call it) period.
Just wanted to make that clear. :)
i guess i'm a bit confused as to what pursuing entails, because if a woman likes a man before the man even starts to "pursue" there's not much hard work necessary to get the woman to come around.
Interesting question. You know... I'm not really sure. I've never been in a relationship before. Never had a guy pursue. But you are right if the girl is already interested in the guy he really doesn't have to do that much.
I'll have to think about this some more and maybe get back to you.
i think one of the best biblical examples of pursuing is jacob and rachel. he ended up working for her dad for 14 years but "they seemed unto him but a few days, for the love he had to her." that's working hard for love.
Speaking as a woman that has been pursued, courted, dated and married by the same man, I'll add my own humble opinion to the question posted about why a man should pursue in courtship AND in marriage.
It all goes back to love (and Scripture, though maybe not in that order). God commands that the husband love his wife and that the wife submit to her husband. (For the sake of discussion, I may use the word respect instead of submit, as it is the same in this text, I believe.)
Experience tells me that that if BOTH partners in said relationship are not doing their part in obeying God's command towards one another, life is more than difficult, which is an extreme understatement. A woman that is not feeling loved and revered and honored and WANTED has a serious struggle within herself and with the Lord in submitting and respecting and honoring and reverring her man. The opposite is also true. Respect and submission from a wife inspires love and reverence from a husband.
All that to say that continued pursuit and courting, even after it's a done deal, is ESSENTIAL to the health and vitality of ANY marriage or relationship/courtship. Yes, the woman has responsibilities of her own, which is a given, more than I could even begin to scratch the surface on here. I do believe, though, that even going back to the Scriptures quoted, there is a lot of responsibility placed upon the man to continually search out and seek the prize, or bride, that the Lord puts before him.
I meant to respond to Alabama... but I forgot. The story of Jacob and Leah is definitely a wonderful picture of hard pursuit.
Ms. Mickey - Thanks so much for posting. I really appreciate what you said. It was a good reminder as to what my responsibilities as a future wife will and should be.
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