I believe God gave women a mind and a voice. I believe we are to use our mind to think intelligently. I believe we are to use our voices to speak truth. And I don't like feeling like men believe either are wrong.
I have less than one month left on eHarmony. Thank You Jesus. The entire online dating journey has been mentally and emotionally exhausting. I have talked to a quite a few guys. It's weird to "talk" to more than one guy at a time but that is the method with online dating. Anyways, I spoke on the phone with a guy tonight and he made me feel that because I'm a woman I shouldn't have an opinion. He made me feel like I shouldn't, and even couldn't speak my mind.
I am definitely not the smartest cookie on the block. But I am intelligent. I love to think. Granted, I probably think too much for my own good, but still I love to process.
I don't think it was his intention, but he made me feel insignificant because of my gender. And I did not like that. God made woman just as He made man: beautifully and wonderfully made. God gave me a brain and the ability to speak and form opinions. He made me a passionate woman with feelings and emotions. He created me to stand for truth and to fight with all I have for those things I believe are right.
Yes, He formed me to be a helpmate. Yes, He designed the relationship between a man and woman so that the woman should submit to the man. But He did not create man as the "better" sex. Just because you are a man does not make me, as a female, the lesser person.
My Dad reminded me that through this journey of online dating, even if nothing comes out of it (which at this point I really don't see anything coming out of this journey), I will learn something about myself.
And I have. Tonight, I've realized more than ever, that while I desire to be loved as one man's wife, and someday as the mother of his children, I also desire to loved because of the intelligence, God-given passion, and voice (of truth, love, grace, peace, and forgiveness) I bring to the world surrounding me. I desire to touch all who come within inches, feet, and miles of my life with the Father's great and mighty love. And I desire a man to see that I am not limited by my gender, but rather I have strengths where he has weaknesses (as he has strengths where I am weak) and that God created him as the male to be the leader, and I, as the female, to be the one who submits, but God also created us to balance.
Maybe this is all my feminine pride coming out in full force although I don't think it is. My spirit feels wounded. I feel like less of a female. And now all I want to do is cry. But praise God His mercy, grace, and love never leave me feeling rejected, forgotten or inferior.
Showing posts with label Boys. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Boys. Show all posts
Friday, March 19, 2010
Monday, March 15, 2010
"Oh, he's perfect... He's just not for me."
How many times have you heard that from a girl? I know I've said it before.
Almost every girl I know has that "perfect guy friend" but they would never consider him "marriage material".
But almost every girl I know (myself included) also complains about how there just aren't any guys within their social circle they would even consider.
My Dad has often said that as long as two people love the Lord and have Christ as their foundation for life they can make a marriage happen.
I think, we as women, fantasize marriage based on what our culture has told us it should be and we forget that marriage is work. It's hard work.
I loved this article for several reasons. One, she reminds us that the men who are kind, gentle and "there" are usually the best for a long-term relationship (which is what marriage should be: till death do you part). Two, in our society women are encouraged to have a job outside of the home or they are looked down upon for not achieving that level of success, but I know a lot of girls who are terrified that one day they won't have that white house with the picket fence and the 2.4 kids. She reminded me that sometimes looking for "Mr. Right" isn't always right.
Sounds like our "perfect guy friend" could be our "perfect marriage partner".
Just a thought....
Almost every girl I know has that "perfect guy friend" but they would never consider him "marriage material".
But almost every girl I know (myself included) also complains about how there just aren't any guys within their social circle they would even consider.
My Dad has often said that as long as two people love the Lord and have Christ as their foundation for life they can make a marriage happen.
I think, we as women, fantasize marriage based on what our culture has told us it should be and we forget that marriage is work. It's hard work.
I loved this article for several reasons. One, she reminds us that the men who are kind, gentle and "there" are usually the best for a long-term relationship (which is what marriage should be: till death do you part). Two, in our society women are encouraged to have a job outside of the home or they are looked down upon for not achieving that level of success, but I know a lot of girls who are terrified that one day they won't have that white house with the picket fence and the 2.4 kids. She reminded me that sometimes looking for "Mr. Right" isn't always right.
Sounds like our "perfect guy friend" could be our "perfect marriage partner".
Just a thought....
Friday, March 5, 2010
More Online Dating
My friend who sent me a message about online dating asked me two more great questions.
"Love eharmony.. but only have a basic profile... any way to escape the whole payment method to talk to people? Or, just using a discount will truly help?"
Cost is something to be aware of. It's expensive to sign up on these sites. I had told my friend that they could Google eHarmony discount codes. It might take some time, but it would definitely be worth the search.
Another thing you can do if you want to put yourself out there but don't want to pay is to create an email account for online dating purposes only. Why a separate account? Well, again, it would help create a sense of disconnect with the guy (or girl) so you are able to communicate without him (or her) getting into your personal space. I believe it's vital to have this feeling of them not being in your "life" until you are ready. It will help keep you both in check.
So after you set up your email account, edit your eHarmony profile so that in your "More about Me" section it says something along these lines, "I have not paid for eHarmony, but if you want to contact me do so here: your email address.".
I have not tried this. But I've seen guys who have done it. I've also seen where guys have written to contact them over Facebook. Yeahh... right. Anyways, if you try it let me know. I'd love to know if this works.
"Love eharmony.. but only have a basic profile... any way to escape the whole payment method to talk to people? Or, just using a discount will truly help?"
Cost is something to be aware of. It's expensive to sign up on these sites. I had told my friend that they could Google eHarmony discount codes. It might take some time, but it would definitely be worth the search.
Another thing you can do if you want to put yourself out there but don't want to pay is to create an email account for online dating purposes only. Why a separate account? Well, again, it would help create a sense of disconnect with the guy (or girl) so you are able to communicate without him (or her) getting into your personal space. I believe it's vital to have this feeling of them not being in your "life" until you are ready. It will help keep you both in check.
So after you set up your email account, edit your eHarmony profile so that in your "More about Me" section it says something along these lines, "I have not paid for eHarmony, but if you want to contact me do so here: your email address.".
I have not tried this. But I've seen guys who have done it. I've also seen where guys have written to contact them over Facebook. Yeahh... right. Anyways, if you try it let me know. I'd love to know if this works.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Yeah, I Like to Hide
I've noticed a trend. When life starts to get too hard to deal with I do one of two things (sometimes both).
1. I stop blogging
2. I block everyone from my reading list.
Doesn't make for a very good blogging author to say the least. It's almost been an exact month since I've blogged. Mr. Fail was part of my reason behind that.
I knew he was no good. I knew it would not be wise for me to go out with him. But the chemistry and the connection was so strong I didn't want to give it up.
How we now just call me Miss Fail-Wanna-Be? Well, I would give you permission, but I've had my own little personal revival. Jesus shot me with His Holy Ghost machine gun and I've been sticking close to him ever since.
Basically, expect more blog post and less blocking. :) Praise the Lord, right?!
1. I stop blogging
2. I block everyone from my reading list.
Doesn't make for a very good blogging author to say the least. It's almost been an exact month since I've blogged. Mr. Fail was part of my reason behind that.
I knew he was no good. I knew it would not be wise for me to go out with him. But the chemistry and the connection was so strong I didn't want to give it up.
How we now just call me Miss Fail-Wanna-Be? Well, I would give you permission, but I've had my own little personal revival. Jesus shot me with His Holy Ghost machine gun and I've been sticking close to him ever since.
Basically, expect more blog post and less blocking. :) Praise the Lord, right?!
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Self-Fulfilling Prophecy
So you know that whole self-fulfilling prophecy thing? I feel like that is my life.
A friend once told me that you can't help who you are attracted to or who you will or won't like. My friend says you can't control your emotions. I used to disagree with him. But I am finding more and more that it is a bit true.
What happened with CoolGuy? Nothing. After my Hate in Many Forms post we continued "talking" for a week. I kept going back and forth over whether or not I was really interested in him. It was like one day I'd totally be into him and the next I didn't even want to talk to him because I knew it would only lead him on. I told him the next Friday exactly what I just told you (well, it was a little nicer, I think). I didn't want to beat around the bush and leave him confused.
That week though I spent time with a guy that I have always been attracted to, and if it wasn't for a girl he is "talking" to, I'd like him. The worse part about it is that I don't even think she is really serious.... I mean, maybe she is. I don't know. I do know that while I love her as a friend I also doubt her in this area. To be honest, I really wish she wasn't in the picture.
I feel like I have good control over my emotions right now, but who knows how long that will last. As my friend Reid told me his parents told him "Especially in matters of the heart, do your best not to get drunk on your emotions." I love this quote because it puts emotional purity into words I can really understand. Not that I've ever been drunk.... :) But I understand because I can see how easy it is to become drunk on emotions. That is what I'm trying to avoid.
He hangs out with my family; I love that he is comfortable and even likes hanging with them. It makes my heart melt a little.
And if the mountain of laundry scares/bothers him, he hasn't said anything. I can't tell you how much I appreciate that.
He is funny and sweet; he holds open doors; he isn't a picky eater (I really like that in a guy); and I think he is drop-dead gorgeous.
AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! I hate emotions. I don't really care for guys (in general) right now. And I really don't even like myself at the moment.
I'll probably hear about this from my dad and I'm prepared to live with that. But this is my blog so I can write about whatever I want.
A friend once told me that you can't help who you are attracted to or who you will or won't like. My friend says you can't control your emotions. I used to disagree with him. But I am finding more and more that it is a bit true.
What happened with CoolGuy? Nothing. After my Hate in Many Forms post we continued "talking" for a week. I kept going back and forth over whether or not I was really interested in him. It was like one day I'd totally be into him and the next I didn't even want to talk to him because I knew it would only lead him on. I told him the next Friday exactly what I just told you (well, it was a little nicer, I think). I didn't want to beat around the bush and leave him confused.
That week though I spent time with a guy that I have always been attracted to, and if it wasn't for a girl he is "talking" to, I'd like him. The worse part about it is that I don't even think she is really serious.... I mean, maybe she is. I don't know. I do know that while I love her as a friend I also doubt her in this area. To be honest, I really wish she wasn't in the picture.
I feel like I have good control over my emotions right now, but who knows how long that will last. As my friend Reid told me his parents told him "Especially in matters of the heart, do your best not to get drunk on your emotions." I love this quote because it puts emotional purity into words I can really understand. Not that I've ever been drunk.... :) But I understand because I can see how easy it is to become drunk on emotions. That is what I'm trying to avoid.
He hangs out with my family; I love that he is comfortable and even likes hanging with them. It makes my heart melt a little.
And if the mountain of laundry scares/bothers him, he hasn't said anything. I can't tell you how much I appreciate that.
He is funny and sweet; he holds open doors; he isn't a picky eater (I really like that in a guy); and I think he is drop-dead gorgeous.
AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! I hate emotions. I don't really care for guys (in general) right now. And I really don't even like myself at the moment.
I'll probably hear about this from my dad and I'm prepared to live with that. But this is my blog so I can write about whatever I want.
Saturday, April 25, 2009
You Spark My Attention Like a Firefly
Guess what I smelled this evening? *smiles* Honeysuckles. I love honeysuckles. They remind me of my childhood and growing up running through the backyard playing cowboy and indians with my siblings and having to stop for a honeysuckle snack.
It made me think of all the things I could never get tired of... like the smell of wood burning. This is the smell of men to me. I don't know why but when I smell its smokey haze I think of very masculine men and it makes me happy every time.
Salty ocean air. Oh, how I love the ocean. I love standing right on the edge and letting the water lick my toes and the sand draw my feet into its depths. I don't like to drink ocean water but I love the way it taste.
Roses. By far my favorite flower. I love them. They are beautiful. They remind me of myself. Sometimes I feel like I draw people in but I never let them get too close with my thorns to protect.
Rich, moist black dirt. I love walking barefoot in black dirt. It's soft and cold and makes me giggle like a little girl! I'm always careful though. I don't like the thought of stepping on a worm.
The morning dew or the air right after it has been raining. Everything is fresh. It beckons you to come outside and linger awhile in the morning light or the afternoon breeze.
Fireflies. They are some of the only good memories I have of growing up in Tennessee. Remember running in the cold evening grass and catching them in mason jars? Then we moved to GA and you rarely see them here. I miss them. Little fairies twinkling in the moonlight.
Other things that melt my heart and make me smile: The sun warming my skin. A hug from Jared. He makes my day. The moon begging for an audience. An email from Reid. Oh my word. I love that kid. He makes me laugh and I can't wait to hang out with him soon. Water racing over rocks. Spending a day talking about boys with Candace. I had a such a wonderful time. Driving with the windows down and the music up. Hearing my family talking, laughing or even arguing in the background. Comments on my blog - you have no idea how it warms my heart. Biking. I think I could do it all day. Time spent with Bethany. Knowing, believing and evening feeling how much God loves me.
It made me think of all the things I could never get tired of... like the smell of wood burning. This is the smell of men to me. I don't know why but when I smell its smokey haze I think of very masculine men and it makes me happy every time.
Salty ocean air. Oh, how I love the ocean. I love standing right on the edge and letting the water lick my toes and the sand draw my feet into its depths. I don't like to drink ocean water but I love the way it taste.
Roses. By far my favorite flower. I love them. They are beautiful. They remind me of myself. Sometimes I feel like I draw people in but I never let them get too close with my thorns to protect.
Rich, moist black dirt. I love walking barefoot in black dirt. It's soft and cold and makes me giggle like a little girl! I'm always careful though. I don't like the thought of stepping on a worm.
The morning dew or the air right after it has been raining. Everything is fresh. It beckons you to come outside and linger awhile in the morning light or the afternoon breeze.
Fireflies. They are some of the only good memories I have of growing up in Tennessee. Remember running in the cold evening grass and catching them in mason jars? Then we moved to GA and you rarely see them here. I miss them. Little fairies twinkling in the moonlight.
Other things that melt my heart and make me smile: The sun warming my skin. A hug from Jared. He makes my day. The moon begging for an audience. An email from Reid. Oh my word. I love that kid. He makes me laugh and I can't wait to hang out with him soon. Water racing over rocks. Spending a day talking about boys with Candace. I had a such a wonderful time. Driving with the windows down and the music up. Hearing my family talking, laughing or even arguing in the background. Comments on my blog - you have no idea how it warms my heart. Biking. I think I could do it all day. Time spent with Bethany. Knowing, believing and evening feeling how much God loves me.
Friday, April 24, 2009
Overdosed
I'm supposed to be in bed right now... but that hasn't happened. I can't seem to make myself get in bed.
I totally overdosed on my allergy med today. What an experience. I didn't realize I had done it until after I had already taken the pills. Sudafed PE Sinus and Allergy... according to the back you are not supposed to exceed 6 tablets within a 24 hour period. I took 10 within a 3 - 4 hour period. My head. I can't even begin to explain how I felt. I was sooo tired. I felt dizzy and I had a headache. It was so strange. Definitely not anything I ever want to experience again. Not even sure if I'm still over it. I'm wondering because although I'm tired I don't really feel tired. That doesn't make sense. It is what I would imagine being drunk would feel like or a hangover. I haven't felt either but I can definitely imagine.
I know I've been talking a lot about boys but hey, I'm a girl, that's what we do! Today I have been thinking about African-American men. I think they are hot and the idea of having cappuccino babies makes me smile.
I still have no idea who CoolGuy is. I've tried finding out. My brother emailed him and through that I found out he likes me. But I already knew that... so that wasn't a surprise. I'm pretty sure he is still reading even though he doesn't comment. He says I act weird around him... so I don't think I'm around him that often. I'm not sure what he means by weird but I am really quiet around people I'm not comfortable with.
Tomorrow I'm supposed to be meeting a friend so we can go study together. I don't know if I want too. The more I think about it the more I'm not sure. I mean, I'm going because I said I would but... still. I don't like the idea of not having my car. And I don't understand why she doesn't want to go by herself. No offense to her but I love doing things by myself.
She makes me realize how independent and brazen I am. Compared to her I am. Don't get me wrong, I love her to death. I think she's amazing. I'm just really writing as it comes out so hopefully I won't offend anyone. But I love being independent. I would go crazy if I didn't do things by myself.
I'm going to test my PC party dessert on the Wednesday night crew. I haven't made this recipe before. I'm sure it won't be a problem but I do want to make it before next Saturday.
I hate not having tons of homework to do. I feel like I've done nothing productive today. I like the rush of a deadline. I like studying. I like having something to do! I'm ready for this semester to be over but yet I'm dreading summer because of the above. I think I'm going to paint and garden before the second session of classes (I have to take at least one class this summer). And hopefully do quite a few Pampered Chef parties.
I'm about to fall asleep so I'm going to go. Amazing. Blogging must relax me or something because I feel like I could fall over and sleep until noon. 7am here I come. I'm meeting my friend at 9 so I've got to have time to wake up (or I'll be grumpy), shower and make a protein shake. Yay me. *that was sarcasm* goodnight.
I totally overdosed on my allergy med today. What an experience. I didn't realize I had done it until after I had already taken the pills. Sudafed PE Sinus and Allergy... according to the back you are not supposed to exceed 6 tablets within a 24 hour period. I took 10 within a 3 - 4 hour period. My head. I can't even begin to explain how I felt. I was sooo tired. I felt dizzy and I had a headache. It was so strange. Definitely not anything I ever want to experience again. Not even sure if I'm still over it. I'm wondering because although I'm tired I don't really feel tired. That doesn't make sense. It is what I would imagine being drunk would feel like or a hangover. I haven't felt either but I can definitely imagine.
I know I've been talking a lot about boys but hey, I'm a girl, that's what we do! Today I have been thinking about African-American men. I think they are hot and the idea of having cappuccino babies makes me smile.
I still have no idea who CoolGuy is. I've tried finding out. My brother emailed him and through that I found out he likes me. But I already knew that... so that wasn't a surprise. I'm pretty sure he is still reading even though he doesn't comment. He says I act weird around him... so I don't think I'm around him that often. I'm not sure what he means by weird but I am really quiet around people I'm not comfortable with.
Tomorrow I'm supposed to be meeting a friend so we can go study together. I don't know if I want too. The more I think about it the more I'm not sure. I mean, I'm going because I said I would but... still. I don't like the idea of not having my car. And I don't understand why she doesn't want to go by herself. No offense to her but I love doing things by myself.
She makes me realize how independent and brazen I am. Compared to her I am. Don't get me wrong, I love her to death. I think she's amazing. I'm just really writing as it comes out so hopefully I won't offend anyone. But I love being independent. I would go crazy if I didn't do things by myself.
I'm going to test my PC party dessert on the Wednesday night crew. I haven't made this recipe before. I'm sure it won't be a problem but I do want to make it before next Saturday.
I hate not having tons of homework to do. I feel like I've done nothing productive today. I like the rush of a deadline. I like studying. I like having something to do! I'm ready for this semester to be over but yet I'm dreading summer because of the above. I think I'm going to paint and garden before the second session of classes (I have to take at least one class this summer). And hopefully do quite a few Pampered Chef parties.
I'm about to fall asleep so I'm going to go. Amazing. Blogging must relax me or something because I feel like I could fall over and sleep until noon. 7am here I come. I'm meeting my friend at 9 so I've got to have time to wake up (or I'll be grumpy), shower and make a protein shake. Yay me. *that was sarcasm* goodnight.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Freakin' Amazing Size 8!
Updates. Don't you just love updates?!
First, I am not going to Toccoa in the fall. My dear ol' dad figured out that I can save over $3,000 if I go to MGC instead and then transfer to TFC in the spring. So that is currently my plan.
Secondly, I am wearing size 8 jeans right now. That probably doesn't mean squat to you but it mean a whole zut much to me (yes, zut is a word). I haven't been a size 8 in over two years. Before my mom passed away I was a size 8 and had been for years. Actually from the time I was 12 until I was 17, 18 I wore the same clothing. I hated shopping with a passion and I hated getting rid of my clothing plus I didn't gain any weight during my teens (besides the natural filling out girls do while going through puberty). Man, I can remember the shopping trip I took at 18 because I had finally gotten to the point where I couldn't wear the little girls size 18 jeans. I went to a size 6 or 8 in juniors/womens and could occasionally fit into a 4. Anyways, the point of all that (besides reliving my glory days of being super skinny!) was to say that after mom passed away I gained weight like a mad woman. This past August I was a size 14. I decided at that point that I was going to lose weight. I have no idea how much I weighed because I most certainly did not step on that scale! But I have lost 10 pounds since January (the scale doesn't scare me anymore!) and am now in a size 8!
What am I doing? Biking about once a week for an hour or more (I like to go an hour and a half to two hours) and then the past two weeks I've been "eating" protein shakes for lunch. I know that took off the last inch or two that I needed to get off in order to fit into my jeans. And I've really cut back on the sugar and the dairy products (I haven't cut it out it completely; gotta have that Starbucks sometimes!). I don't know if cutting back on the dairy has had something to do with it or not. But I bought these jeans on the way to bridal shower and even though I could get them on they were too tight for the public and now I'm wearing them around town!
I'm doing the protein shakes in order to prepare my body for a cleanse I'm going to do after finals (May 5th!). All you do is drink a combination of lemon juice, cayenne pepper and grade B maple syrup when ever you are hungry. This is supposed to clean you out! As I've heard it said, "Since we wash the outside of our bodies it only makes sense to clean the inside." I am a firm believer in cleaning the inside as well as the outside (physically and spiritually!) I think next week I am going to slowly cut out my meals and just do an 8oz protein shake about every 3-4 hours. That would be one at 7am, 11am, 3pm, 7pm and then if I need one later in the evening I'll do that too. I don't want to throw my body into shock when I start the cleanse. So I'm trying to give it a heads up!
Oh, in case you are wondering, I've been making my protein shakes with raw milk (thanks to a very good friend for the milk! Jesse, you are amazing even if you do pick on me!)
I don't want to seem stupid but I have no idea how this works. At the end of the semester how will I find out what my final grades are? I've been keeping up with all of my grades as far as essays, projects, quizzes, etc. but how will I know what my GPA is? I know those were probably stupidest questions ever but give me a break. I was home schooled and did not have report cards and this is my first semester so I have no idea what I'm doing!
If you had to guess (this is purely for my own amusement... and maybe so I can analyze) what would you say my "type" (for a guy) would be? I'm just curious.
Can I just say that I freakin' adore RG?! In the past six years God has given me three big brothers and they just keep getting better! RG is incredible. I am so thankful he doesn't mind my crazy questions. Or the fact that he doesn't get offended if I confront him (which has happened many times!) I love that he is so stinkin' honest with me. I'm thankful he takes time for me. I really feel like his little sis. I love having a guy friend who is just that: a friend. And the fact he told Candace last night that he enjoys/appreciates/likes (I can't remember exactly what she said he said) that I talk to him about my guy problems warms my heart because sometimes I feel like a complete idiot! I am beyond thankful for his friendship, his encouragement, his leadership, and his willingness to help when I need someone. He is a true blessing in my life. RG, you are wonderful my friend.
I have to go. The bro has a baseball game and I have to drop him off. I'll try to post again soon!
First, I am not going to Toccoa in the fall. My dear ol' dad figured out that I can save over $3,000 if I go to MGC instead and then transfer to TFC in the spring. So that is currently my plan.
Secondly, I am wearing size 8 jeans right now. That probably doesn't mean squat to you but it mean a whole zut much to me (yes, zut is a word). I haven't been a size 8 in over two years. Before my mom passed away I was a size 8 and had been for years. Actually from the time I was 12 until I was 17, 18 I wore the same clothing. I hated shopping with a passion and I hated getting rid of my clothing plus I didn't gain any weight during my teens (besides the natural filling out girls do while going through puberty). Man, I can remember the shopping trip I took at 18 because I had finally gotten to the point where I couldn't wear the little girls size 18 jeans. I went to a size 6 or 8 in juniors/womens and could occasionally fit into a 4. Anyways, the point of all that (besides reliving my glory days of being super skinny!) was to say that after mom passed away I gained weight like a mad woman. This past August I was a size 14. I decided at that point that I was going to lose weight. I have no idea how much I weighed because I most certainly did not step on that scale! But I have lost 10 pounds since January (the scale doesn't scare me anymore!) and am now in a size 8!
What am I doing? Biking about once a week for an hour or more (I like to go an hour and a half to two hours) and then the past two weeks I've been "eating" protein shakes for lunch. I know that took off the last inch or two that I needed to get off in order to fit into my jeans. And I've really cut back on the sugar and the dairy products (I haven't cut it out it completely; gotta have that Starbucks sometimes!). I don't know if cutting back on the dairy has had something to do with it or not. But I bought these jeans on the way to bridal shower and even though I could get them on they were too tight for the public and now I'm wearing them around town!
I'm doing the protein shakes in order to prepare my body for a cleanse I'm going to do after finals (May 5th!). All you do is drink a combination of lemon juice, cayenne pepper and grade B maple syrup when ever you are hungry. This is supposed to clean you out! As I've heard it said, "Since we wash the outside of our bodies it only makes sense to clean the inside." I am a firm believer in cleaning the inside as well as the outside (physically and spiritually!) I think next week I am going to slowly cut out my meals and just do an 8oz protein shake about every 3-4 hours. That would be one at 7am, 11am, 3pm, 7pm and then if I need one later in the evening I'll do that too. I don't want to throw my body into shock when I start the cleanse. So I'm trying to give it a heads up!
Oh, in case you are wondering, I've been making my protein shakes with raw milk (thanks to a very good friend for the milk! Jesse, you are amazing even if you do pick on me!)
I don't want to seem stupid but I have no idea how this works. At the end of the semester how will I find out what my final grades are? I've been keeping up with all of my grades as far as essays, projects, quizzes, etc. but how will I know what my GPA is? I know those were probably stupidest questions ever but give me a break. I was home schooled and did not have report cards and this is my first semester so I have no idea what I'm doing!
If you had to guess (this is purely for my own amusement... and maybe so I can analyze) what would you say my "type" (for a guy) would be? I'm just curious.
Can I just say that I freakin' adore RG?! In the past six years God has given me three big brothers and they just keep getting better! RG is incredible. I am so thankful he doesn't mind my crazy questions. Or the fact that he doesn't get offended if I confront him (which has happened many times!) I love that he is so stinkin' honest with me. I'm thankful he takes time for me. I really feel like his little sis. I love having a guy friend who is just that: a friend. And the fact he told Candace last night that he enjoys/appreciates/likes (I can't remember exactly what she said he said) that I talk to him about my guy problems warms my heart because sometimes I feel like a complete idiot! I am beyond thankful for his friendship, his encouragement, his leadership, and his willingness to help when I need someone. He is a true blessing in my life. RG, you are wonderful my friend.
I have to go. The bro has a baseball game and I have to drop him off. I'll try to post again soon!
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Men + Stupidity = Jerks
I feel like crap. I can't believe I fell for it. I mean seriously. I have only ever attracted man-ho's so why should I think this would be real?
I feel worthless. unworthy. unwanted. ugly.
I'm not blaming him. I'm not mad at him. I don't understand him. Part of me wonders if it's because he thinks I'm too good. I don't know.
Can I just say that I'm glad he feels like a jerk? Because I am. I'm very glad.
Good night. Guys. Don't be stupid. If you truly only like a girl as a friend don't tell her something that will make her think differently.
Maybe I was wrong. I could see and hear how insecure he felt and I just wanted to help build his self-esteem.
I'm going to work on not being so nice. I feel walls being built. I will be on guard even more.
Maybe I'm a bit mad. But I think at myself and the male species in general more than him.
I'm going to pamper myself. My feet could use a good soak. And I might take a shower. I went for a bike ride earlier and I stink. I'm just worried about my hair looking crazy tomorrow morning when I get up for class. Alright. I'm out. I feel exhausted. I hope you guys are having a better week than I am. Encouragement in any form would be greatly appreciated.
I feel worthless. unworthy. unwanted. ugly.
I'm not blaming him. I'm not mad at him. I don't understand him. Part of me wonders if it's because he thinks I'm too good. I don't know.
Can I just say that I'm glad he feels like a jerk? Because I am. I'm very glad.
Good night. Guys. Don't be stupid. If you truly only like a girl as a friend don't tell her something that will make her think differently.
Maybe I was wrong. I could see and hear how insecure he felt and I just wanted to help build his self-esteem.
I'm going to work on not being so nice. I feel walls being built. I will be on guard even more.
Maybe I'm a bit mad. But I think at myself and the male species in general more than him.
I'm going to pamper myself. My feet could use a good soak. And I might take a shower. I went for a bike ride earlier and I stink. I'm just worried about my hair looking crazy tomorrow morning when I get up for class. Alright. I'm out. I feel exhausted. I hope you guys are having a better week than I am. Encouragement in any form would be greatly appreciated.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Chop, Chop, Chew, *spews out of mouth while chewing with mouth open*
I am trying to study. But I can't concentrate. There are people chopping on chips and it's really getting on my nerves right now. Anyone who knows me well knows I can't stand the sound of people chewing. I've gotten better about ignoring it but it still bothers me. I seriously had to stop myself from telling this lady to tell her kids to chew with their mouths closed. I mean come on! Don't we teach manners to children anymore?! It's nasty people! CHEW WITH YOUR STINKIN' MOUTHS CLOSED!!!! It's not even that hard!
Wow. I feel much better. It was/is driving me bonkers. I've got my headphones in and Dave is blaring in my ears. Gotta love some Dave Barnes. Especially when you are irritated. He makes everything better.
I've been people watching. That is one of my favorite things to do. I love watching faces. And to see what makes people smile, frown, etc. And there are always so many different people here. I also like listening to other people's conversations. Definitely another favorite thing to do. I'm beginning to realize I have lots of favorites. :)
I think since I'm in Wartown I'm gonna go to Starbucks later. I left because Joe was mad at me and I didn't want to be around his bad attitude anymore. All I did was ask him to unclog the bathroom sink because it's not draining and I'm sick of it. He was the only boy around and so I asked him... well, I demanded he do something about it. So he got mad. Oh well. Who cares.
I had two different guys call me "pet" names today. That was a first in a long time. One called me "Love" more than twice and the other called me "Hun". haha. They are funny kids so it's cool. And one of them asked me if I was dating RG. Do you know how long it's been since I've done anything with RG?! Months. Since we were snowed in in Athens at least. I haven't been going to the BCM Bible study with him. I've barely seen him since the beginning of March so I don't know why people (still) think we are "together". We are not together. Although he is supposed to call me later today. But he probably won't. He never calls when he says he will.
I ate chili beans, turkey sausage and kale cooked in the cast iron skillet for lunch. It was actually pretty nasty. Marianna said I needed to be out on the trail, with a wagon cooking over a fire like a pioneer woman. :) She's so funny.
Alright, I'm going to try to get back on the French. We'll see how well that goes. I think I may need to go some place people aren't eating. Or I just may go home. I told J-Mar I might go to the Hanger. I haven't made up my mind yet. J-Mar is so sweet. He makes me happy. Okay, I'm done.
*Edit: I have never been with RG. I've just had people ask me in the past if we were dating. That's one of the reasons I stopped doing so much with him... because I was sick of it. He would never date me so stop asking people. It's beginning to be really nerve racking.
Wow. I feel much better. It was/is driving me bonkers. I've got my headphones in and Dave is blaring in my ears. Gotta love some Dave Barnes. Especially when you are irritated. He makes everything better.
I've been people watching. That is one of my favorite things to do. I love watching faces. And to see what makes people smile, frown, etc. And there are always so many different people here. I also like listening to other people's conversations. Definitely another favorite thing to do. I'm beginning to realize I have lots of favorites. :)
I think since I'm in Wartown I'm gonna go to Starbucks later. I left because Joe was mad at me and I didn't want to be around his bad attitude anymore. All I did was ask him to unclog the bathroom sink because it's not draining and I'm sick of it. He was the only boy around and so I asked him... well, I demanded he do something about it. So he got mad. Oh well. Who cares.
I had two different guys call me "pet" names today. That was a first in a long time. One called me "Love" more than twice and the other called me "Hun". haha. They are funny kids so it's cool. And one of them asked me if I was dating RG. Do you know how long it's been since I've done anything with RG?! Months. Since we were snowed in in Athens at least. I haven't been going to the BCM Bible study with him. I've barely seen him since the beginning of March so I don't know why people (still) think we are "together". We are not together. Although he is supposed to call me later today. But he probably won't. He never calls when he says he will.
I ate chili beans, turkey sausage and kale cooked in the cast iron skillet for lunch. It was actually pretty nasty. Marianna said I needed to be out on the trail, with a wagon cooking over a fire like a pioneer woman. :) She's so funny.
Alright, I'm going to try to get back on the French. We'll see how well that goes. I think I may need to go some place people aren't eating. Or I just may go home. I told J-Mar I might go to the Hanger. I haven't made up my mind yet. J-Mar is so sweet. He makes me happy. Okay, I'm done.
*Edit: I have never been with RG. I've just had people ask me in the past if we were dating. That's one of the reasons I stopped doing so much with him... because I was sick of it. He would never date me so stop asking people. It's beginning to be really nerve racking.
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Movies in the Dark, Boys I've Liked and Basically a Bit of All of My Life Right Now
Wow. What a long title. Probably too long. Oh well.
Last night I took a (much needed!) break from school and schedules and worrying about how I was going to make it through the semester. Everyone tells me this overwhelming sense of questioning if I can make it through the spring in one piece is normal. But I don't really like it.
Studying is going well. I really like sociology. I just finished my reading for my Tuesday class. I love people watching and seeing what others are doing with their time so this is right up my alley!
English is kind of boring right now. But I'm sure it will pick up as the semester goes along. And I've yet to study for Public Speaking or French. But I can assure you that well before Tuesday I will have spent at least 2 hours on each subject. I have scheduled 24 hours of study time into my planner. We'll see how well it really works next week.
One thing I've discovered, I cannot study at home. I love my family, but they are too distracting. I want to talk to them and be involved with their lives when I'm at home and that means I have a hard time actually concentrating. So that's why I'm at Starbucks this morning. I've been here since 9:30 and it's now 12:14pm. I like it. It has just enough noise to keep me going crazy from not having any noise (hey, you grow up in a household of ten and you'd need background noise all the time too), but no one talks to me so I can focus on my schoolwork. It's perfect. Not to mention the coffee!! Ooh brother! Am I a happy woman right now! *big stupid grin*
Anyways, last night I went to the theater. One of my favorite things to do alone. Watch a sappy movie, in the dark by myself. I'm being completely serious. It's a favorite past-time! I watched Bride Wars. It was soo funny! I laughed and cried. And then I got out of the movie and the longer the drive took to get home the more I thought about all the reasons why I don't have a guy and all the guys who have liked me and why it never worked out. I cried on the way home. It was stupid. I had also figured out how I could get back together with a guy who once wanted to marry me and possibly still likes me. What is it about movies like that that make girls go crazy?! Because that's what I was doing. Going crazy. It wouldn't have worked with that guy. I mean, don't get me wrong. He was a very sweet, godly, good looking man (and just the way I like men - tall, muscular and skinny!) with blue eyes and blond hair (I'm ok with the blond hair, but two out of the last three guys I've had a crush on have had blackish-brownish hair with blue eyes... Apparently I like black hair, blue eyed men! I think I have a thing for blue eyes. I don't think I've ever liked a guy with brown eyes. Isn't that weird?!) and I liked him a lot. But it just wouldn't have worked. Although he didn't know it I was not the sweet and submissive woman he thought (I'm good at hiding things! *evil laugh* Ok, so the evil laugh might be a bit much... or maybe not!). I mean, I probably am more of the woman he would have wanted at the time (and probably still does desire) but at that point in my life I wasn't and at this point there are other problems. So either way it probably wouldn't have worked for us.
Don't worry though. I'm feeling much more normal and much more levelheaded this morning. I don't need a guy to make me feel complete and I know that one day a guy will show up and he'll have my name written on his forehead for all the world to see... won't that be interesting?! Seriously though, there is a guy the Lord has picked out who is perfect for me and I'm happy to wait for him.
Plus, I don't know how in the world I'd deal with the commitment a relationship requires right now with school and trying to start Pampered Chef (more on my frustrations with that later). I'm way too busy and I know my siblings are going to think I've completely abandoned them! I promise I haven't guys!
Interesting short series I've been reading this past week is from this guy - http://blog.andymerrick.com/. Really interesting stuff. And yes that one comment from a Lydia is me.
So Pampered Chef.... yeah. I ordered my starter kit well over a week and a half ago and it still isn't in yet. I'm a bit frustrated. My goal was to have my first show this Thursday, but that isn't going to happen. And this is going to be my source of income so I kind of need to start as soon as possible. So if you could be praying about that I would appreciate it!
So I know I purposely stopped writing blogs on MySpace, but I just have to say I miss all of you who would comment. But to those who followed me over here, I am so thankful! I love you guys! Well, this is all for now. I have an hour to study Public Speaking before heading to my hair appointment. I need a trim, but I'm still a little unhappy with my style so hopefully it will be cut to my satisfaction this time! I'm going to a new hair salon... I had two appointments in row of being very unhappy with my previous stylist. So I'm trying someone new. Should be interesting. Alright, I really have to go! I'll write again later. Soon.
Last night I took a (much needed!) break from school and schedules and worrying about how I was going to make it through the semester. Everyone tells me this overwhelming sense of questioning if I can make it through the spring in one piece is normal. But I don't really like it.
Studying is going well. I really like sociology. I just finished my reading for my Tuesday class. I love people watching and seeing what others are doing with their time so this is right up my alley!
English is kind of boring right now. But I'm sure it will pick up as the semester goes along. And I've yet to study for Public Speaking or French. But I can assure you that well before Tuesday I will have spent at least 2 hours on each subject. I have scheduled 24 hours of study time into my planner. We'll see how well it really works next week.
One thing I've discovered, I cannot study at home. I love my family, but they are too distracting. I want to talk to them and be involved with their lives when I'm at home and that means I have a hard time actually concentrating. So that's why I'm at Starbucks this morning. I've been here since 9:30 and it's now 12:14pm. I like it. It has just enough noise to keep me going crazy from not having any noise (hey, you grow up in a household of ten and you'd need background noise all the time too), but no one talks to me so I can focus on my schoolwork. It's perfect. Not to mention the coffee!! Ooh brother! Am I a happy woman right now! *big stupid grin*
Anyways, last night I went to the theater. One of my favorite things to do alone. Watch a sappy movie, in the dark by myself. I'm being completely serious. It's a favorite past-time! I watched Bride Wars. It was soo funny! I laughed and cried. And then I got out of the movie and the longer the drive took to get home the more I thought about all the reasons why I don't have a guy and all the guys who have liked me and why it never worked out. I cried on the way home. It was stupid. I had also figured out how I could get back together with a guy who once wanted to marry me and possibly still likes me. What is it about movies like that that make girls go crazy?! Because that's what I was doing. Going crazy. It wouldn't have worked with that guy. I mean, don't get me wrong. He was a very sweet, godly, good looking man (and just the way I like men - tall, muscular and skinny!) with blue eyes and blond hair (I'm ok with the blond hair, but two out of the last three guys I've had a crush on have had blackish-brownish hair with blue eyes... Apparently I like black hair, blue eyed men! I think I have a thing for blue eyes. I don't think I've ever liked a guy with brown eyes. Isn't that weird?!) and I liked him a lot. But it just wouldn't have worked. Although he didn't know it I was not the sweet and submissive woman he thought (I'm good at hiding things! *evil laugh* Ok, so the evil laugh might be a bit much... or maybe not!). I mean, I probably am more of the woman he would have wanted at the time (and probably still does desire) but at that point in my life I wasn't and at this point there are other problems. So either way it probably wouldn't have worked for us.
Don't worry though. I'm feeling much more normal and much more levelheaded this morning. I don't need a guy to make me feel complete and I know that one day a guy will show up and he'll have my name written on his forehead for all the world to see... won't that be interesting?! Seriously though, there is a guy the Lord has picked out who is perfect for me and I'm happy to wait for him.
Plus, I don't know how in the world I'd deal with the commitment a relationship requires right now with school and trying to start Pampered Chef (more on my frustrations with that later). I'm way too busy and I know my siblings are going to think I've completely abandoned them! I promise I haven't guys!
Interesting short series I've been reading this past week is from this guy - http://blog.andymerrick.com/. Really interesting stuff. And yes that one comment from a Lydia is me.
So Pampered Chef.... yeah. I ordered my starter kit well over a week and a half ago and it still isn't in yet. I'm a bit frustrated. My goal was to have my first show this Thursday, but that isn't going to happen. And this is going to be my source of income so I kind of need to start as soon as possible. So if you could be praying about that I would appreciate it!
So I know I purposely stopped writing blogs on MySpace, but I just have to say I miss all of you who would comment. But to those who followed me over here, I am so thankful! I love you guys! Well, this is all for now. I have an hour to study Public Speaking before heading to my hair appointment. I need a trim, but I'm still a little unhappy with my style so hopefully it will be cut to my satisfaction this time! I'm going to a new hair salon... I had two appointments in row of being very unhappy with my previous stylist. So I'm trying someone new. Should be interesting. Alright, I really have to go! I'll write again later. Soon.
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