Hello World!

My life currently consist of running between class, work and home. It make not sound like much but it is actually a lot. I have already worked 15 hours this week. I'm taking 13 hours of classes and that barely leaves me anytime to do anything else. Not to mention before this week I'd been having a very hard time being motivated to do homework. So now I'm behind and feeling quite stressed about it. To make matters worse RG made me so mad I cried. That did not help my already hectic life.

This weekend is the Taylor concert. Anna, Bethany and I are going. Amazingly without Ben. Although, I'm pretty sure he is all we will hear about... now that Bsquared are engaged. We are all very happy about it. We love Ben. But sometimes I would like to talk to Bethany without talking about marriage, plans, Ben or whatever. Sometimes it would be nice to talk about me and what's going on in my life. I almost feel selfish writing that.

I am bringing homework with me. I have too. I have to work everyday on French and Math. I should probably throw some English and Psychology in there too. Praise the Lord I do not have class Monday. I am going to study ALL day!

Oh my word. My French Prof is incredible. In the Spring semester she is planning a six week trip to France. I want to go so badly! The total cost is around $4000. And she has poked around and set up a scholarship for me. I am overwhelmed with gratitude! It is not much (in light of $4000) but any little bit will help.

Josh Bales concert. It's still a go. I'm praying we have 50 people show up. If we don't I'm going to cry.

I've got to run. I have to be at work in 20 minutes. Have a good afternoon.

Rambo, Painting and Huntin'

Wow. I haven't blogged in forever. I didn't even realize it had been so long until Bethany told me that Ben had told her I hadn't blogged and it bothered him not knowing what is going on in my life. Goodness, between Bsquared I won't be able to get away from anything.

I have pictures of the snake while I was cooking it and will put them up soon. It was actually really good. No, Rambo (that's what we named the snake) did not taste like chicken. He was really moist and tender (after getting around the bones) and sweet. I don't know if that was from soaking him in Don's all night or what. But I think snake is one of my favorite meats as far as taste goes. Next time I will completely de-bone him though. Now that I know what I'm doing it shouldn't take me as long as it did.

I am working on getting my hunters safety course completed and then I am going to buy a hunting license. I even have a guy to take me. No, it's not Jonathan so don't worry. But I haven't actually met him... I work with his Mom and have talked with him over the phone. I'm not crushing on him or anything but he called me "darlin'" and I am a sucker for a that word. I don't know what it is but that word makes something inside this girl melt. Anyhow, I need to hang out with him sometime and get to know him that way I'm not going into the woods with a complete stranger... and so Dad's okay with it. Hunting season starts October 17th. That gives me plenty of time to get to know him, get my license, and practice shooting. I need to know how to aim. :)

I also need to finish these cabinets. I'm almost done; I have one more that needs to be completely painted and then a corner that needs a second coat. Then I'll need to give the trim two coats. Man, I am ready to be done! They look nice though. And I can't wait to get the doors and new hardware up. It's going to look amazing.

Last night was one of the most interesting nights of my life. I met up with some friends at Starbucks and then we walked around the neighborhood behind Starbucks (talking about Rambo! haha! Candace didn't know I had gutted it and I am so proud of myself I just had to tell her) only to end the evening standing/sitting by the Comfort Inn talking about our most embarrassing moments, fashion trends, etc. It was hard to tell what everyone was thinking/feeling. Expressions weren't freely coming and it was just awkward for me. I didn't know what to say, or do, or even think at times. I feel like Candace and Greg were the only ones truly comfortable. Although, I could be wrong about RG... I've been around him in various settings and haven't yet seen him uncomfortable. Poor kid, he looked dead tired. People don't even think about the fact that he gets up way too early in the morning. That's why I like to ask him because I know he gets up around 5am this time of the year. It makes people feel bad. Ha! That shouldn't make me laugh but it does. It was a good night. I like hanging out with Candace and RG so that was fun... I guess.
RG was feeling really feisty or something last night. He "whatever-ed" me last night first thing and then told me he would give me the "hand" too. Must have been the Thai food they ate and it must have only been his meal because no one else was acting that way.
I think I'm going to ask him over for supper next week. It's been a while since he's had dinner with the family. I have next Thursday evening off so I'll probably do it then. What do you guys think I should cook? Chicken enchilada casserole sounds really good right now.

Josh Bales concert: October 8th, 7:30 or 8pm. You can email this address: bookjoshbales@gmail.com to let them know you are interested and to purchase your ticket. Tickets can be bought up to the day of. Better get your ticket soon! Ben, it's too bad you can't bring the Three D boys. I think they would really enjoy it.

Well, I'm going to paint. I need to get some done so I can finish tomorrow. Actually I probably won't finish until Monday because I'm going to have to put a second coat on the cabinets that were just primed today. Ugh.

Brownie Pancakes

It hit me tonight that I was being really selfish concerning my relationship with the Lord. I had gotten to the point that I wasn't sure if I even cared about my relationship with Father Love. Because what had He done for me? Nothing. I was only mad because I didn't have a guy. But I don't even want a guy (except for one reason and that isn't a good one).

So I broke down and cried. I do care about my relationship with my Lord and Savior. I'm tired of being selfish and prideful and lying to myself (He has done sooo much more for me than I deserve).

I hope this rebellious season is over. It's exhausting living for your own desires.

Dad asked me tonight if RG read my blog. Good night. I hope not. I don't think he does. But it would be interesting if he did.
He has a kitten hanging around his house. Which is really funny to me because he doesn't like cats. I was holding the kitten and he asked me what I was going to name it. I told him if I named it he would have to keep it... he didn't agree. But I said I would name it Robert. hahaha!! I thought that was really clever. But it turns out Robert is a girl so it's now Roberta. *grins*

That reminds me. I need to bathe Sheba. She is so nasty. She is white... well, she's suppose to be white, but she's a grayish/brown color.

I made brownie batter pancakes today. They were like flat, round brownies. The boys loved them. No, I didn't let them have syrup. They didn't need it. They were worried about getting in trouble for eating brownie pancakes though. I laughed at them! Ha! I've given them ice-cream for breakfast before. Surely brownie pancakes aren't any worse! And I cooked scrambled eggs to go with it. So they had something healthy. :)

I've been buying a Sunday paper every week. For the coupons. I have been saving quite a bit on groceries doing this. I need to cut out the coupons and organize them. But buying groceries is so much more rewarding when you save money doing it. Makes my heart happy.

Well, good night friends. I need some sleep. I'm getting up by at least 8am today because I need to paint. I slept until 11:40 this morning and the only reason I woke up was because the house phone rang and it was in my room. I could have thrown that phone to China it made me so mad. And then I was really surprised when I saw what time it was. Anyways... I do need to paint tomorrow and I need sleep before doing that. So good night.

The Glory of Deceit

When I have no new books and I rarely ever reread a book, I write. And I'm not talking about blogs. I mean, I write blogs. But I’m talking about writing fiction. I figure I have a good imagination and surely I can come up with a good story. I'm on my third page. I started this afternoon. I love reading. I love writing. And no, I won't share. :)
It is my dream to be able to write a story about my life under a different name of course. But to be able to express how I feel about some people and be paid for it would be amazing. Gossip sells and my life could be summed up as a soap opera so I have no doubts as to whether or not it would be published. I do have doubts about whether or not people would read it and figure out who is who. Then I would have a big mess... mainly because there are so many people I don't care for. I can think of several right now. All girls. What does that tell you? Oh well I've always liked the male gender better. They are less complicated when it comes to dealing with life. That doesn't make the male population any less confusing to be sure so don't get that mixed up.

My Mother was an amazing woman. Yes, I struggled with my relationship with her, but that doesn't change the fact that I admired, respected and adored her. I can't help but despise the fact that Sybol Allen is not known and will not be known to a certain someone. And no one cares. But I do and I hate it. I don't even want to look at, or speak to that person. There is no respect. And the lies that have made this event come about do nothing to encourage compassion within my heart. Not that I'm a very compassionate person as it is (I know this to be very true so don't even try to say otherwise), but this makes me want to harden my heart towards you. You don't deserve it.

I know what you are thinking at this point Dad. But please remember this is my blog, my opinions and all I ask is that you don't make decisions based on my feelings.

Anna seems to think I have a Mr. Darcy in my life. It's absurd. She thinks it's RG. I told her my life is not based on a book, or a movie. As I have told several people in the last couple weeks, I wouldn't date him if he was the last guy on earth. He's stuck up, self-centered, and has a fear of commitment. And I do laugh at him. He is far from perfect, girls and, it's high time someone of the female gender realized this fact. This is sounding a bit like Elizabeth's opinions of Mr. Darcy isn't it? Who cares? While we're talking about all the things I don't like about RG (you guys do know how much I adore him so just let me have my say and we'll be done with it). I don't like that he is only attracted to far too skinny blond-headed girls and he has a whole slew of girls that fit that description who are fans of his. It disgusts me. I promise I have a whole list in the back of my head of things I don't like about him, but right now that is the only thing I can remember and it's not even completely accurate because he wasn't attracted to the Bobbsey Twins (the actual Bobbsey twin characters were, by the way, male and female unlike the twins I'm talking about).
Anyways, RG is the one friend I can have a conversation with on the phone and it's not weird nor do I dread it. Of course that's probably only because we don't ever talk more than 10-15 minutes and those are the kinds of phone calls I like: short, sweet and to the point. But then we cover a large range of topics too. In person, I try not to talk to him too much. I'm too comfortable around him. I don't care what he thinks and that gets me in trouble (with myself) at times.
I keep trying to think of girls that I approve of to set him up with, but his biggest fault is being a pecan farmer in South GA. What girl is going to want to live here for the rest of her life? I don’t know of any.
Oh, the other big thing I don't like about him is that he doesn’t come to church consistently. I don't understand that. If I don't go to church it's because I don't want too and that isn't very often. But he goes off for what? It's always something valid. It irritates me.
And I don't understand why he didn't tell. Wait, I do know. He forgot. I felt like his secretary today making phone calls so people would know that we are going to watch a movie instead of having the Bible study. Perhaps I should have left it that way and it would have been a very awkward night with just the two of us. Ha! Not really, there is no being awkward with RG. I am rambling. And I have far too many paragraphs about him. Just pray he lets me drive his truck. That will be the highlight of my week! I love his truck (just between you and me that is the only reason I'm his friend).

Josh Bales. Yes, let's talk about another guy. The concert is happening. I had a ten minute conversation with Josh on Thursday. We are both super excited about it. He is going to call me a couple weeks ahead of time and set the date then. RG told me today that whatever day I chose is good for him. Isn't he sweet? *yes, that was a bit of sarcasm* Actually, I was very thankful for that. I mean, he is going to be right in the middle of harvest and that would be so confusing to go between him and Josh over and over to get a good day. Be expecting more details soon.

I need to go to bed. I'm feeling rather ill emotionally and mentally. Do you know what I have realized about myself? Several things actually. One, I'm an emotional drinker. I drink coke when I don't want to deal with life or whatever is being thrown my way. At least it's not beer right?! Second, I don't need a man. I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself. I only want a man for one reason and it isn't a good one. As Carrie told me the other day, "That's your problem!" We both started laughing. I realize it really is a problem. But I don't know how to fix it. I've never *needed* anyone or that's the lie I've told myself and I seem to be doing pretty well at this point, so I don't see a need to change. I guess deep down, I'm asking for prayer. I don't even know at this point.

Of course, if I was telling myself and you the truth it would read a bit more like this: I do need people. I need my family. I need friends. I need to be taken care of. But I hate feeling like I need something. I don't like dependent upon others. So it's easier to ignore these stupid feelings of needing.

But we aren't dealing with the truth. We are dealing with lies. And right now I like the lies better than I like the truth. Again, the lie that it hurts less to need less is sounding pretty good.

Good night friends.

Freakin' Amazing Size 8!

Updates. Don't you just love updates?!

First, I am not going to Toccoa in the fall. My dear ol' dad figured out that I can save over $3,000 if I go to MGC instead and then transfer to TFC in the spring. So that is currently my plan.

Secondly, I am wearing size 8 jeans right now. That probably doesn't mean squat to you but it mean a whole zut much to me (yes, zut is a word). I haven't been a size 8 in over two years. Before my mom passed away I was a size 8 and had been for years. Actually from the time I was 12 until I was 17, 18 I wore the same clothing. I hated shopping with a passion and I hated getting rid of my clothing plus I didn't gain any weight during my teens (besides the natural filling out girls do while going through puberty). Man, I can remember the shopping trip I took at 18 because I had finally gotten to the point where I couldn't wear the little girls size 18 jeans. I went to a size 6 or 8 in juniors/womens and could occasionally fit into a 4. Anyways, the point of all that (besides reliving my glory days of being super skinny!) was to say that after mom passed away I gained weight like a mad woman. This past August I was a size 14. I decided at that point that I was going to lose weight. I have no idea how much I weighed because I most certainly did not step on that scale! But I have lost 10 pounds since January (the scale doesn't scare me anymore!) and am now in a size 8!

What am I doing? Biking about once a week for an hour or more (I like to go an hour and a half to two hours) and then the past two weeks I've been "eating" protein shakes for lunch. I know that took off the last inch or two that I needed to get off in order to fit into my jeans. And I've really cut back on the sugar and the dairy products (I haven't cut it out it completely; gotta have that Starbucks sometimes!). I don't know if cutting back on the dairy has had something to do with it or not. But I bought these jeans on the way to bridal shower and even though I could get them on they were too tight for the public and now I'm wearing them around town!

I'm doing the protein shakes in order to prepare my body for a cleanse I'm going to do after finals (May 5th!). All you do is drink a combination of lemon juice, cayenne pepper and grade B maple syrup when ever you are hungry. This is supposed to clean you out! As I've heard it said, "Since we wash the outside of our bodies it only makes sense to clean the inside." I am a firm believer in cleaning the inside as well as the outside (physically and spiritually!) I think next week I am going to slowly cut out my meals and just do an 8oz protein shake about every 3-4 hours. That would be one at 7am, 11am, 3pm, 7pm and then if I need one later in the evening I'll do that too. I don't want to throw my body into shock when I start the cleanse. So I'm trying to give it a heads up!

Oh, in case you are wondering, I've been making my protein shakes with raw milk (thanks to a very good friend for the milk! Jesse, you are amazing even if you do pick on me!)

I don't want to seem stupid but I have no idea how this works. At the end of the semester how will I find out what my final grades are? I've been keeping up with all of my grades as far as essays, projects, quizzes, etc. but how will I know what my GPA is? I know those were probably stupidest questions ever but give me a break. I was home schooled and did not have report cards and this is my first semester so I have no idea what I'm doing!

If you had to guess (this is purely for my own amusement... and maybe so I can analyze) what would you say my "type" (for a guy) would be? I'm just curious.

Can I just say that I freakin' adore RG?! In the past six years God has given me three big brothers and they just keep getting better! RG is incredible. I am so thankful he doesn't mind my crazy questions. Or the fact that he doesn't get offended if I confront him (which has happened many times!) I love that he is so stinkin' honest with me. I'm thankful he takes time for me. I really feel like his little sis. I love having a guy friend who is just that: a friend. And the fact he told Candace last night that he enjoys/appreciates/likes (I can't remember exactly what she said he said) that I talk to him about my guy problems warms my heart because sometimes I feel like a complete idiot! I am beyond thankful for his friendship, his encouragement, his leadership, and his willingness to help when I need someone. He is a true blessing in my life. RG, you are wonderful my friend.

I have to go. The bro has a baseball game and I have to drop him off. I'll try to post again soon!