Hello World!

My life currently consist of running between class, work and home. It make not sound like much but it is actually a lot. I have already worked 15 hours this week. I'm taking 13 hours of classes and that barely leaves me anytime to do anything else. Not to mention before this week I'd been having a very hard time being motivated to do homework. So now I'm behind and feeling quite stressed about it. To make matters worse RG made me so mad I cried. That did not help my already hectic life.

This weekend is the Taylor concert. Anna, Bethany and I are going. Amazingly without Ben. Although, I'm pretty sure he is all we will hear about... now that Bsquared are engaged. We are all very happy about it. We love Ben. But sometimes I would like to talk to Bethany without talking about marriage, plans, Ben or whatever. Sometimes it would be nice to talk about me and what's going on in my life. I almost feel selfish writing that.

I am bringing homework with me. I have too. I have to work everyday on French and Math. I should probably throw some English and Psychology in there too. Praise the Lord I do not have class Monday. I am going to study ALL day!

Oh my word. My French Prof is incredible. In the Spring semester she is planning a six week trip to France. I want to go so badly! The total cost is around $4000. And she has poked around and set up a scholarship for me. I am overwhelmed with gratitude! It is not much (in light of $4000) but any little bit will help.

Josh Bales concert. It's still a go. I'm praying we have 50 people show up. If we don't I'm going to cry.

I've got to run. I have to be at work in 20 minutes. Have a good afternoon.

That's Not My Name

I'm drinking David's coffee. It's like tar. You really have no idea. It burns going down and I love it! We make the Cary Grant method coffee. You know pour the coffee grounds until you have way more coffee than you do water. If you haven't seen the movie Walk, Don't Run you've missed out. It's super cute!

I have to go to work in 30 minutes. I really don't want too. Blah.

I met a guy. He loves Jesus. He's got a job, a house, and and he's only 22 seems to have his head on straight. I want to get to know him better. We'll see what happens. Meg, you need to come for the concert. Seriously. Guys seem to be jumping out of the woodwork's down here.

I'm going to the shooting range this Sunday. Jonathan is taking me. I think I might take David with me. He doesn't know yet. But I feel like I need someone there so Jonathan won't be as prone to put his hands on me. He's never inappropriate, but always on the line. I also invited the guy who is going to take me hunting. Jonathan doesn't know that either. :) I don't know if he will like that fact. *evil grin*

I am so excited about Josh Bales coming to sing. You have no idea. Oh, I don't have a problem with little kids coming as long as they don't interrupt the concert. I feel like I should put that out there.

I love it when my profs know my name. I have three classes and all of my profs know my name. That just makes me feel special or something! ha! I know, it's crazy. But there are quite a few kids at that college and knowing that they know who I am makes me want to go to class. This weight training class is CRAZY!!! There are so many jocks, too many stuck-up guys in this class. But I'm enjoying the exercise. There are only three girls (not including me) in my French class. Do you know how amazing that is going to be? More one on one time with Madame Knight; less pressure to get things correct; more room to get to know my classmates. I'm going to like this. I'm sitting in the very back of my math class. And the guys that I'm sitting next to are insane! They like to talk. Hopefully I'll get something out of this class!

Cabinets are finished now I'm just trying to get everything back on a shelf and it be organized. I need to do this soon because the Bible study is at my house next week and the house needs to be somewhat clean! *smiles* I'm really excited about it being at my home. I love having people over.

I'm gonna run. I need to finish my coffee and brush my teeth. Have a great weekend. Be safe. Have fun. Comment on my blog! *laughs* I'm teasing, but also serious. It's depressing when I blog all the time and don't get a response. Ben, you can comment too you know!

Food to Kill

I have about 30 minutes before I head to work. College begins... today! Can you believe it? I'm starting my second (full) semester. This semester I'm taking French II, Comp II, Learning Support Math II, Intro to Psychology I, and Weight Training. It wasn't exactly the schedule I wanted, but I couldn't get in touch with ANYONE at MGC yesterday. Still haven't heard from my advisor. But oh well... I'm registered and happy.

I completed my hunters safety course yesterday. Very proud of that fact! There are a few things I feel I need to have in order to go hunting. Boots, a knife, camo clothing (pants, shirts, socks). Here are the boots and the knife I am considering:

http://www.cabelas.com/cabelas/en/templates/product/standard-item.jsp;jsessionid=WYGQN3OYBXKKRLAQBBISCNVMCAEFEIWE?_DARGS=/cabelas/en/common/catalog/item-link.jsp_A&_DAV=null-cat600752&id=0069913831204a&navCount=0&podId=0069913&parentId=cat600752&masterpathid=&navAction=push&catalogCode=XK&rid=&parentType=index&indexId=cat601233&cmCat=netcon&cm_ven=netcon&cm_cat=Google&cm_pla=women%20hunting%20boots&cm_ite=netcon&_requestid=32221

I like these boots because they are pull-ons and snake proof. I hate tying shoes and boots would only be worse because they are so high! And while I'm not afraid to kill or gut a snake I don't want one to bite me.

The knife:

http://www.huntingblades.com/diwigutho.html

I like this knife because it's a fixed blade. So it's stronger than a folding blade. Plus, it's made for gutting and I do plan on field dressing/gutting whatever I kill. I am so excited.

Jonathan said he would take me hog hunting. The idea scares and thrills me all at the same time. Can I just say I love the thought of killing my own food and providing for my family that way?
I need to get my license though... I've thought about getting a license to go alligator hunting... but that might be a bit much for my first hunting season. :) We'll see what happens. I like alligator so maybe...

Clothing. Yes, I am going to wear camo. But I've been thinking, I don't want to look like a bum so I want my pants, shirt, jacket to be flattering. I'm going to have to research this.

There are some great deals at Kroger this week. You guys should check them out. Plus, if you've been collecting coupons you should be able to save even more with your coupons! I am going grocery shopping after I get off work Friday... I plan to save, save save!

I've already shared this with Meg but it just looks so amazing I can't help but share it with you guys too. I want this cookbook!
http://www.amazon.com/Abel-Cole-Cookbook-Keith/dp/0007277946/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1250620276&sr=8-4
If the cover and title alone don't inspire you to cook I don't know what will!

I'm gonna run. I hope you guys have a great week! Bonjour!

Freakin' Amazing Size 8!

Updates. Don't you just love updates?!

First, I am not going to Toccoa in the fall. My dear ol' dad figured out that I can save over $3,000 if I go to MGC instead and then transfer to TFC in the spring. So that is currently my plan.

Secondly, I am wearing size 8 jeans right now. That probably doesn't mean squat to you but it mean a whole zut much to me (yes, zut is a word). I haven't been a size 8 in over two years. Before my mom passed away I was a size 8 and had been for years. Actually from the time I was 12 until I was 17, 18 I wore the same clothing. I hated shopping with a passion and I hated getting rid of my clothing plus I didn't gain any weight during my teens (besides the natural filling out girls do while going through puberty). Man, I can remember the shopping trip I took at 18 because I had finally gotten to the point where I couldn't wear the little girls size 18 jeans. I went to a size 6 or 8 in juniors/womens and could occasionally fit into a 4. Anyways, the point of all that (besides reliving my glory days of being super skinny!) was to say that after mom passed away I gained weight like a mad woman. This past August I was a size 14. I decided at that point that I was going to lose weight. I have no idea how much I weighed because I most certainly did not step on that scale! But I have lost 10 pounds since January (the scale doesn't scare me anymore!) and am now in a size 8!

What am I doing? Biking about once a week for an hour or more (I like to go an hour and a half to two hours) and then the past two weeks I've been "eating" protein shakes for lunch. I know that took off the last inch or two that I needed to get off in order to fit into my jeans. And I've really cut back on the sugar and the dairy products (I haven't cut it out it completely; gotta have that Starbucks sometimes!). I don't know if cutting back on the dairy has had something to do with it or not. But I bought these jeans on the way to bridal shower and even though I could get them on they were too tight for the public and now I'm wearing them around town!

I'm doing the protein shakes in order to prepare my body for a cleanse I'm going to do after finals (May 5th!). All you do is drink a combination of lemon juice, cayenne pepper and grade B maple syrup when ever you are hungry. This is supposed to clean you out! As I've heard it said, "Since we wash the outside of our bodies it only makes sense to clean the inside." I am a firm believer in cleaning the inside as well as the outside (physically and spiritually!) I think next week I am going to slowly cut out my meals and just do an 8oz protein shake about every 3-4 hours. That would be one at 7am, 11am, 3pm, 7pm and then if I need one later in the evening I'll do that too. I don't want to throw my body into shock when I start the cleanse. So I'm trying to give it a heads up!

Oh, in case you are wondering, I've been making my protein shakes with raw milk (thanks to a very good friend for the milk! Jesse, you are amazing even if you do pick on me!)

I don't want to seem stupid but I have no idea how this works. At the end of the semester how will I find out what my final grades are? I've been keeping up with all of my grades as far as essays, projects, quizzes, etc. but how will I know what my GPA is? I know those were probably stupidest questions ever but give me a break. I was home schooled and did not have report cards and this is my first semester so I have no idea what I'm doing!

If you had to guess (this is purely for my own amusement... and maybe so I can analyze) what would you say my "type" (for a guy) would be? I'm just curious.

Can I just say that I freakin' adore RG?! In the past six years God has given me three big brothers and they just keep getting better! RG is incredible. I am so thankful he doesn't mind my crazy questions. Or the fact that he doesn't get offended if I confront him (which has happened many times!) I love that he is so stinkin' honest with me. I'm thankful he takes time for me. I really feel like his little sis. I love having a guy friend who is just that: a friend. And the fact he told Candace last night that he enjoys/appreciates/likes (I can't remember exactly what she said he said) that I talk to him about my guy problems warms my heart because sometimes I feel like a complete idiot! I am beyond thankful for his friendship, his encouragement, his leadership, and his willingness to help when I need someone. He is a true blessing in my life. RG, you are wonderful my friend.

I have to go. The bro has a baseball game and I have to drop him off. I'll try to post again soon!

Master of.... Exhaustion, Masking, and Losing

Yep. That would be me. I am constantly tired thus the Master of Exhaustion. I don't get enough sleep, I run ALL day every day. I feel like my week ran into my weekend which then ran into my week and I didn't even have a break last weekend.

Whether it's family, college, Pampered Chef, trying to have a social life, etc, I can't seem to find enough time to be still. To rest. To pause life and forget about everything. I don't even do that in my sleep. I woke up last night at 4:30am thinking it was time for school. I went back to bed!

I'm tired of playing the balancing game and I'm so ready to drop something, but I can't drop any of it. It's all too important to me and my future. I'm not trying to sound like a whiny baby I just to release and right now my blog is a form of release.

I'm trying to read the Word every day. I'm doing better. My Sunday School teacher challenged me to pray every day for 40 days that God would show me He loves me. I know He does, but right now I feel so weak and used, I just need to hear Him say it or to show me. I've been looking and listening.

I love the moon. With a passion. I think it is the most amazing, awesome, incredible thing ever. It's round with dents and craters; it's not perfect. Sometimes it's orange or red; other nights it's silver and gray and just plain beautiful. I love the moon. This morning I was about to turn out of my driveway and I looked down the opposite road and guess what I saw? All big, bright and orange? The moon. I almost started crying. It was a gift of love from my Father Love.

It's almost that time... and I haven't been this emotional in a lllllooooonnnnnnggggggg time. I cry over everything. It's irritating and I am so ready to have a big cry and be over with it!

You called. You made me cry. I think you are slowly breaking my heart. I hope you don't read my blog. :)

I've realized that I am the Master of Masking... my emotions. I won't even realize I'm feeling a certain way until I'm at the breaking point. It's horrible and I'm not sure how to deal with it. You know, how to stop masking and starting dealing with my emotions. Writing my essay and then dealing with my grandfather's funeral made me come face to face with this realization. The week leading up to Pop-Pop's funeral I felt nothing. Friday, two hours before the visitation, I was about to completely lose it. I was trying not to cry and it wasn't really working.
Then reading my essay I remembered where I've been and what has happened in my past that has made me the Master of Masking. You try being strong for everyone you (family, close friends and also not so close friends) know for 6 plus years and you will become a Master of Masking too. I'm tired of masking and I'm a bit tired of being strong.

I lost everything I've worked on today. College papers, speeches, study guides, Pampered Chef downloads, and so much more. I had a virus on my computer and the Tech guys said since my computer wasn't responding to anything I needed to restore my drive to where it was when I received the computer. Back to nothing. I was crushed. I couldn't believe it. I was already feeling weight of the world and this did not help. And wouldn't you know as soon as it was over my brothers said, I could have saved your stuff to my portable hard drive (or whatever it is).
So I guess I'm not really a Master of Losing. I just feel like one.

I'm going to bed in about 40 minutes. I've re-written my speech for Thursday (that was one of the things I'd lost!). Now I just have about 5 study guides to rewrite. I really want to ask my English Prof for copies of my essay because the only one I have is here on my blog. I want my drafts and everything.

Oh, have I told you lately that I seriously love Andy Merrick's blog? http://blog.andymerrick.com/ He is my ray of sunshine on these very cloudy days. He's so funny and I definitely need the laughs. I'm praising God for that man right now. Pray for Andy. It's his last couple days at work and then he is writing full-time! I'm so excited for him. I can't wait for his first book! It's going to be about relationships. I could use a good book on relationships right now.
Speaking of relationships, you should check out Dave Barnes new EP. I purchased it from iTunes and I love it. My favorite is Until You. I've heard the song before but now it's a love song from my Savior. I'm digging it.
Another related topic. My purity ring. I've started wearing it on my right ring finger. RG told me that until a year or so ago he didn't even know there were two separate rings for the girl (engagement ring and wedding band). I made me think that maybe guys avoid me because I've been wearing it on my left finger and they don't know if I'm in a relationship or not. I don't know if I could handle a relationship right now, but it is one of my deepest desires to be married and I don't want to scare the right guy by having a ring on my left ring finger. Am I crazy?!

I need to brush my teeth (I got a new toothbrush yesterday!) and then go to bed. After I print and practice my speech on my family! Don't let me forget to write the full-sentence outline tomorrow.

Good night friends. Sorry this is so long.

Movies in the Dark, Boys I've Liked and Basically a Bit of All of My Life Right Now

Wow. What a long title. Probably too long. Oh well.

Last night I took a (much needed!) break from school and schedules and worrying about how I was going to make it through the semester. Everyone tells me this overwhelming sense of questioning if I can make it through the spring in one piece is normal. But I don't really like it.

Studying is going well. I really like sociology. I just finished my reading for my Tuesday class. I love people watching and seeing what others are doing with their time so this is right up my alley!
English is kind of boring right now. But I'm sure it will pick up as the semester goes along. And I've yet to study for Public Speaking or French. But I can assure you that well before Tuesday I will have spent at least 2 hours on each subject. I have scheduled 24 hours of study time into my planner. We'll see how well it really works next week.
One thing I've discovered, I cannot study at home. I love my family, but they are too distracting. I want to talk to them and be involved with their lives when I'm at home and that means I have a hard time actually concentrating. So that's why I'm at Starbucks this morning. I've been here since 9:30 and it's now 12:14pm. I like it. It has just enough noise to keep me going crazy from not having any noise (hey, you grow up in a household of ten and you'd need background noise all the time too), but no one talks to me so I can focus on my schoolwork. It's perfect. Not to mention the coffee!! Ooh brother! Am I a happy woman right now! *big stupid grin*

Anyways, last night I went to the theater. One of my favorite things to do alone. Watch a sappy movie, in the dark by myself. I'm being completely serious. It's a favorite past-time! I watched Bride Wars. It was soo funny! I laughed and cried. And then I got out of the movie and the longer the drive took to get home the more I thought about all the reasons why I don't have a guy and all the guys who have liked me and why it never worked out. I cried on the way home. It was stupid. I had also figured out how I could get back together with a guy who once wanted to marry me and possibly still likes me. What is it about movies like that that make girls go crazy?! Because that's what I was doing. Going crazy. It wouldn't have worked with that guy. I mean, don't get me wrong. He was a very sweet, godly, good looking man (and just the way I like men - tall, muscular and skinny!) with blue eyes and blond hair (I'm ok with the blond hair, but two out of the last three guys I've had a crush on have had blackish-brownish hair with blue eyes... Apparently I like black hair, blue eyed men! I think I have a thing for blue eyes. I don't think I've ever liked a guy with brown eyes. Isn't that weird?!) and I liked him a lot. But it just wouldn't have worked. Although he didn't know it I was not the sweet and submissive woman he thought (I'm good at hiding things! *evil laugh* Ok, so the evil laugh might be a bit much... or maybe not!). I mean, I probably am more of the woman he would have wanted at the time (and probably still does desire) but at that point in my life I wasn't and at this point there are other problems. So either way it probably wouldn't have worked for us.

Don't worry though. I'm feeling much more normal and much more levelheaded this morning. I don't need a guy to make me feel complete and I know that one day a guy will show up and he'll have my name written on his forehead for all the world to see... won't that be interesting?! Seriously though, there is a guy the Lord has picked out who is perfect for me and I'm happy to wait for him.
Plus, I don't know how in the world I'd deal with the commitment a relationship requires right now with school and trying to start Pampered Chef (more on my frustrations with that later). I'm way too busy and I know my siblings are going to think I've completely abandoned them! I promise I haven't guys!
Interesting short series I've been reading this past week is from this guy - http://blog.andymerrick.com/. Really interesting stuff. And yes that one comment from a Lydia is me.

So Pampered Chef.... yeah. I ordered my starter kit well over a week and a half ago and it still isn't in yet. I'm a bit frustrated. My goal was to have my first show this Thursday, but that isn't going to happen. And this is going to be my source of income so I kind of need to start as soon as possible. So if you could be praying about that I would appreciate it!

So I know I purposely stopped writing blogs on MySpace, but I just have to say I miss all of you who would comment. But to those who followed me over here, I am so thankful! I love you guys! Well, this is all for now. I have an hour to study Public Speaking before heading to my hair appointment. I need a trim, but I'm still a little unhappy with my style so hopefully it will be cut to my satisfaction this time! I'm going to a new hair salon... I had two appointments in row of being very unhappy with my previous stylist. So I'm trying someone new. Should be interesting. Alright, I really have to go! I'll write again later. Soon.