Really Nasty Things

I walked into my room and all I wanted was a journal. But I don't have one because I stopped writing in a journal by hand a long time ago. This is all I have right now so it will have to do...

I am feeling really emotional right now. Partly because Mother Nature is making her rounds and the other part... I'm not really sure why.

I want to write some really nasty things about certain people. But I'd get in trouble. That's why I need a journal. *evil grin*

Sometimes I just miss him. I miss being around him. I miss his sarcasm, his jokes, how he made me laugh. I never once felt pressured to be perfect when I was around him. Sometimes I go through his facebook pictures; I did that tonight actually. I've thought a lot about him today. I guess because it's 9/11 and he's overseas... I think in Kuwait. I'm not really sure. I've been praying for his safety and for his safe return to the states. I hope he makes it in December. I would love to see him.

Did you remember it's 9/11 today? It's hard to forget; especially with everyone you run into (in person or online) makes a comment about it. My heart goes out to the families of 911. And even more so to the men and women fighting for my freedom. Thank you for all that you do.

My French prof is pretty much the most amazing, incredible professor ever. I told you about the scholarship right? Yeah, so as much as I want to go to France, I've been doing some mental math and I just don't think I can. I mean, I've got Josh Bales coming up, a maid of honor dress to buy, and decorations for a bridal shower; not to mention, I now have a puppy who is only about 12 weeks old and I told Dad I would buy his food. And I plan to keep doing that. And I'm feeling really pressured to start buying my own gas. I need a second job. I don't know how I can do all of this and afford to go to France. There is no way unless I quit school and work full time. Which, by the way, I'm not going to do. Je ne sais pas. I don't know. I don't know what to do.

I've decided on a major. I've decided on a career. I've decided where I'm going to live after I graduate. I've decided after working and saving for two years where I'm going to go on vacation. I have my life planned out up til I'm around the age of 31. I have the next 8 years of my life planned. You may laugh and that's okay, but if you don't have a plan, then what do you have? Nothing. You have a lifeless dream that may or may not come true. At least I have a goal; something to work towards; a desire, a dream, a reward at the end of my road. I have something to fight for and I want my plan to work out. So laugh if you want, but keep it to yourself. I don't want to hear it.

My plan: is to become a 4 year RN. I want to be a nurse. I love patching people up. I would be good at it. I know I would. So I'll start next fall in a nursing program. I'll be 24. Man, I'm old. Flash-forward four years, I'm 28, graduated, and moving to Apalachicola. I love it there. They have a hospital I can work at and the idea gives me thrills! I'll live there for two years and then I'm going to England, France, Ireland, I don't really know. I just know that when I'm 30 that's where I want to be. I'll stay there for a couple weeks, maybe a couple months and then move back to South GA. I'm going to buy some land and build myself a house.

I haven't quite figured out what to do with my babies when I'm in France... I now have a puppy. Did I tell you I was getting a puppy? He's a black lab. His name is Bandit. He is the sweetest puppy ever! So I have my own little family now. Queen Sheba (my cat) and Bandit (my dog) and me. *smiles* I told this to Carrie and she said, "Now all you need is a husband!" I replied, "I don't think so! I don't need a man at all." And I don't.
Men are stupid. I've yet to meet one who doesn't make me feel like I don't measure up. And all the guys I know, I'm too fat for. Which is depressing. It makes me not want to eat. I know that is wrong and I am eating so no worries. I had crunch bars, Doritos, and a coke at work today. I was hungry... I've already mentioned the reason why so I see no need to repeat it.

I need to go to sleep. Ryan is bringing my gun back tomorrow. And then I'm going to the shooting range. Then I'm going to study until 1pm-ish (I will officially bring Bandit home then). I'm gonna give that puppy a bath and then study some more. Probably at RG's house so I can have Bandit in the same room with me. RG doesn't care. I took Bandit to the Bible study Wednesday night. He is such a good dog. He didn't bark, whine or wiggle. He just sat in my lap. I am so excited! I'm going to study all Sunday afternoon too.

Night y'all. Have a wonderful weekend.

That's Not My Name

I'm drinking David's coffee. It's like tar. You really have no idea. It burns going down and I love it! We make the Cary Grant method coffee. You know pour the coffee grounds until you have way more coffee than you do water. If you haven't seen the movie Walk, Don't Run you've missed out. It's super cute!

I have to go to work in 30 minutes. I really don't want too. Blah.

I met a guy. He loves Jesus. He's got a job, a house, and and he's only 22 seems to have his head on straight. I want to get to know him better. We'll see what happens. Meg, you need to come for the concert. Seriously. Guys seem to be jumping out of the woodwork's down here.

I'm going to the shooting range this Sunday. Jonathan is taking me. I think I might take David with me. He doesn't know yet. But I feel like I need someone there so Jonathan won't be as prone to put his hands on me. He's never inappropriate, but always on the line. I also invited the guy who is going to take me hunting. Jonathan doesn't know that either. :) I don't know if he will like that fact. *evil grin*

I am so excited about Josh Bales coming to sing. You have no idea. Oh, I don't have a problem with little kids coming as long as they don't interrupt the concert. I feel like I should put that out there.

I love it when my profs know my name. I have three classes and all of my profs know my name. That just makes me feel special or something! ha! I know, it's crazy. But there are quite a few kids at that college and knowing that they know who I am makes me want to go to class. This weight training class is CRAZY!!! There are so many jocks, too many stuck-up guys in this class. But I'm enjoying the exercise. There are only three girls (not including me) in my French class. Do you know how amazing that is going to be? More one on one time with Madame Knight; less pressure to get things correct; more room to get to know my classmates. I'm going to like this. I'm sitting in the very back of my math class. And the guys that I'm sitting next to are insane! They like to talk. Hopefully I'll get something out of this class!

Cabinets are finished now I'm just trying to get everything back on a shelf and it be organized. I need to do this soon because the Bible study is at my house next week and the house needs to be somewhat clean! *smiles* I'm really excited about it being at my home. I love having people over.

I'm gonna run. I need to finish my coffee and brush my teeth. Have a great weekend. Be safe. Have fun. Comment on my blog! *laughs* I'm teasing, but also serious. It's depressing when I blog all the time and don't get a response. Ben, you can comment too you know!

Overdosed

I'm supposed to be in bed right now... but that hasn't happened. I can't seem to make myself get in bed.

I totally overdosed on my allergy med today. What an experience. I didn't realize I had done it until after I had already taken the pills. Sudafed PE Sinus and Allergy... according to the back you are not supposed to exceed 6 tablets within a 24 hour period. I took 10 within a 3 - 4 hour period. My head. I can't even begin to explain how I felt. I was sooo tired. I felt dizzy and I had a headache. It was so strange. Definitely not anything I ever want to experience again. Not even sure if I'm still over it. I'm wondering because although I'm tired I don't really feel tired. That doesn't make sense. It is what I would imagine being drunk would feel like or a hangover. I haven't felt either but I can definitely imagine.

I know I've been talking a lot about boys but hey, I'm a girl, that's what we do! Today I have been thinking about African-American men. I think they are hot and the idea of having cappuccino babies makes me smile.

I still have no idea who CoolGuy is. I've tried finding out. My brother emailed him and through that I found out he likes me. But I already knew that... so that wasn't a surprise. I'm pretty sure he is still reading even though he doesn't comment. He says I act weird around him... so I don't think I'm around him that often. I'm not sure what he means by weird but I am really quiet around people I'm not comfortable with.

Tomorrow I'm supposed to be meeting a friend so we can go study together. I don't know if I want too. The more I think about it the more I'm not sure. I mean, I'm going because I said I would but... still. I don't like the idea of not having my car. And I don't understand why she doesn't want to go by herself. No offense to her but I love doing things by myself.
She makes me realize how independent and brazen I am. Compared to her I am. Don't get me wrong, I love her to death. I think she's amazing. I'm just really writing as it comes out so hopefully I won't offend anyone. But I love being independent. I would go crazy if I didn't do things by myself.

I'm going to test my PC party dessert on the Wednesday night crew. I haven't made this recipe before. I'm sure it won't be a problem but I do want to make it before next Saturday.

I hate not having tons of homework to do. I feel like I've done nothing productive today. I like the rush of a deadline. I like studying. I like having something to do! I'm ready for this semester to be over but yet I'm dreading summer because of the above. I think I'm going to paint and garden before the second session of classes (I have to take at least one class this summer). And hopefully do quite a few Pampered Chef parties.

I'm about to fall asleep so I'm going to go. Amazing. Blogging must relax me or something because I feel like I could fall over and sleep until noon. 7am here I come. I'm meeting my friend at 9 so I've got to have time to wake up (or I'll be grumpy), shower and make a protein shake. Yay me. *that was sarcasm* goodnight.

Are You a Man or a Mouse?

In response to CoolGuy's question about God bring your mate vs. guys pursing girls... hold on. Let me reread so I remember exactly what I'm answering!

Personally, I think the idea of God bringing your mate to you while you sit around doing nothing is stupid. I'm not saying it can't happen that way (because it most certainly can; God can do anything He wants) but what I am saying is by saying and believing that it takes all responsibility away from the guy to actually do something. I'm going to be addressing guys because they are the ones that are supposed to start the relationship.

Let's go back to where this line of thinking started (this is always the scripture people use to back up this nonsense). Please open your Bible to Genesis 24. This is about Isaac and Rebekah. Two problems I immediately see with using this story to back up "waiting around".

1. Abraham decides when Isaac will marry.
2. Neither Isaac or Rebekah know who they are marrying... they just know they are getting married.

Okay. So clearly guys who agree with this "God will bring my future mate to me. I just have to wait on Him" stuff either haven't thought about it much at all or they just really want their daddy picking out their wife.

From what I know (which I admit is precious little) arranged marriages were how marriage was "done" in Biblical times. The Father chose the bride for the groom. The fathers of the bride and the groom got together to talk about it. They either decide they want to go ahead with the marriage or they chose not to. The fathers arranged the marriage.
That has nothing to do with you sitting on your butt waiting for God to bring you a wife.

Secondly, very few marriages that start with the couple barely knowing each other actually last. Yes, some arranged, "wouldn't know you if I passed you on the street" marriages do work. But are they best? Is that what you want in a marriage (going based on this scripture!)?

The story of how God brings Isaac and Rebekah is no doubt a beautiful story. But I think it's incredibly lame to use that as an excuse not to search for your future wife.

Let me turn you to Proverbs. Let's see... there are so many good ones. But let's start with the most obvious. Proverbs 18:22 "He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord."
Wow. Did you catch that one word? FINDS. How do you find things? You search for them!
Turn to Proverbs 25:2 "It is the glory of God to conceal a matter, but the glory of kings is to search out a matter."
Is having a wife of importance to you? Then search it out! God in His amazing glory has concealed and it is your glory to search for Him and your future wife.
Now on Proverbs 31:10 "Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies."
Once again we have the word find. Finding... searching... finding... Hello! Do we see what is going on here?! It's a call for guys to search. To find the one they've been waiting for. If you don't search and pursue how will you find and catch?! When you do find your woman you are going to have to pursue and capture her heart so get a head start and find her already!

Seek the Lord with all of your heart, mind and soul. Seek your wife by searching out God and His desires for your life. Keep your heart and eyes wide open. You never know where you might meet her and you certainly don't want to be sitting around doing nothing while some other guy comes around and swoops her off like a chickenhawk! Macocoo take me away! (those of you who have seen the Pirate will appreciate that!)

Seriously guys. There is call for you to search, to find and to pursue. There are so many girls waiting for guys to step up and be men. Don't assume you know what will happen when you don't. You don't hold the future. The Lord does. So don't live in fear! Get out there and be a man! Please stop being mice.

Raves and Rants

What a week. In the last week I have traveled to Toccoa; gone on a 2, 3 hour hike, jumped over a creek twice, and been snowed in in Athens. It was interesting to say the least.

Can I just say that sometimes I hate knowing other people actually read my blog because if I didn't know and if I thought that in some way I was "hidden" I would totally write stuff I don't want the whole world to know. I need a journal. I need to buy one and I need to start again.

I know you aren't supposed to announce to the world that you are fasting, but I need my frères and sœurs to pray for and with me. I am praying about going on a sabbatical. My dear, lovely friend Candace gave me the idea. I just love Candace. I am so thankful the Lord blessed me with her friendship. Anyways, I'm just not sure if this what the Lord desires me to do. I also would be fasting from a certain "thing" on top of the sabbatical. I just don't know. I need answers. I need peace that passes understanding. I need direction. I need the Lord to speak very, very clearly to me concerning this situation.

Can I just say that men are so freakin' weird?! Make up your mind already! And I really want to know WHY you told her that. It doesn't make sense.

The next two weekends I am going to be crazy, out of my mind busy! It will be insane. Hopefully I won't go insane! This weekend I am going on a youth trip with the youth group from my church as a youth counselor. Next weekend I am going to TN. And the weekend after that there is the possibility of going to Toccoa. Speaking of Toccoa. I am applying. I hope and pray I will be attending TFC in the Fall.

I am going to be in a wedding. No, I am not getting married. I am a bridesmaid. I'm not sure how I feel about that. I feel like the whole "once a bridesmaid, always a bridesmaid" is going to seem like a very strong truth in my life since there aren't any godly men interested in me. I guess I'm okay with that for now. Je ne sais pas.

I need to work on my Sociology. I'm done ranting. Hopefully my next blog will be a bit happier. Au revoir!