Really Nasty Things

I walked into my room and all I wanted was a journal. But I don't have one because I stopped writing in a journal by hand a long time ago. This is all I have right now so it will have to do...

I am feeling really emotional right now. Partly because Mother Nature is making her rounds and the other part... I'm not really sure why.

I want to write some really nasty things about certain people. But I'd get in trouble. That's why I need a journal. *evil grin*

Sometimes I just miss him. I miss being around him. I miss his sarcasm, his jokes, how he made me laugh. I never once felt pressured to be perfect when I was around him. Sometimes I go through his facebook pictures; I did that tonight actually. I've thought a lot about him today. I guess because it's 9/11 and he's overseas... I think in Kuwait. I'm not really sure. I've been praying for his safety and for his safe return to the states. I hope he makes it in December. I would love to see him.

Did you remember it's 9/11 today? It's hard to forget; especially with everyone you run into (in person or online) makes a comment about it. My heart goes out to the families of 911. And even more so to the men and women fighting for my freedom. Thank you for all that you do.

My French prof is pretty much the most amazing, incredible professor ever. I told you about the scholarship right? Yeah, so as much as I want to go to France, I've been doing some mental math and I just don't think I can. I mean, I've got Josh Bales coming up, a maid of honor dress to buy, and decorations for a bridal shower; not to mention, I now have a puppy who is only about 12 weeks old and I told Dad I would buy his food. And I plan to keep doing that. And I'm feeling really pressured to start buying my own gas. I need a second job. I don't know how I can do all of this and afford to go to France. There is no way unless I quit school and work full time. Which, by the way, I'm not going to do. Je ne sais pas. I don't know. I don't know what to do.

I've decided on a major. I've decided on a career. I've decided where I'm going to live after I graduate. I've decided after working and saving for two years where I'm going to go on vacation. I have my life planned out up til I'm around the age of 31. I have the next 8 years of my life planned. You may laugh and that's okay, but if you don't have a plan, then what do you have? Nothing. You have a lifeless dream that may or may not come true. At least I have a goal; something to work towards; a desire, a dream, a reward at the end of my road. I have something to fight for and I want my plan to work out. So laugh if you want, but keep it to yourself. I don't want to hear it.

My plan: is to become a 4 year RN. I want to be a nurse. I love patching people up. I would be good at it. I know I would. So I'll start next fall in a nursing program. I'll be 24. Man, I'm old. Flash-forward four years, I'm 28, graduated, and moving to Apalachicola. I love it there. They have a hospital I can work at and the idea gives me thrills! I'll live there for two years and then I'm going to England, France, Ireland, I don't really know. I just know that when I'm 30 that's where I want to be. I'll stay there for a couple weeks, maybe a couple months and then move back to South GA. I'm going to buy some land and build myself a house.

I haven't quite figured out what to do with my babies when I'm in France... I now have a puppy. Did I tell you I was getting a puppy? He's a black lab. His name is Bandit. He is the sweetest puppy ever! So I have my own little family now. Queen Sheba (my cat) and Bandit (my dog) and me. *smiles* I told this to Carrie and she said, "Now all you need is a husband!" I replied, "I don't think so! I don't need a man at all." And I don't.
Men are stupid. I've yet to meet one who doesn't make me feel like I don't measure up. And all the guys I know, I'm too fat for. Which is depressing. It makes me not want to eat. I know that is wrong and I am eating so no worries. I had crunch bars, Doritos, and a coke at work today. I was hungry... I've already mentioned the reason why so I see no need to repeat it.

I need to go to sleep. Ryan is bringing my gun back tomorrow. And then I'm going to the shooting range. Then I'm going to study until 1pm-ish (I will officially bring Bandit home then). I'm gonna give that puppy a bath and then study some more. Probably at RG's house so I can have Bandit in the same room with me. RG doesn't care. I took Bandit to the Bible study Wednesday night. He is such a good dog. He didn't bark, whine or wiggle. He just sat in my lap. I am so excited! I'm going to study all Sunday afternoon too.

Night y'all. Have a wonderful weekend.

Overdosed

I'm supposed to be in bed right now... but that hasn't happened. I can't seem to make myself get in bed.

I totally overdosed on my allergy med today. What an experience. I didn't realize I had done it until after I had already taken the pills. Sudafed PE Sinus and Allergy... according to the back you are not supposed to exceed 6 tablets within a 24 hour period. I took 10 within a 3 - 4 hour period. My head. I can't even begin to explain how I felt. I was sooo tired. I felt dizzy and I had a headache. It was so strange. Definitely not anything I ever want to experience again. Not even sure if I'm still over it. I'm wondering because although I'm tired I don't really feel tired. That doesn't make sense. It is what I would imagine being drunk would feel like or a hangover. I haven't felt either but I can definitely imagine.

I know I've been talking a lot about boys but hey, I'm a girl, that's what we do! Today I have been thinking about African-American men. I think they are hot and the idea of having cappuccino babies makes me smile.

I still have no idea who CoolGuy is. I've tried finding out. My brother emailed him and through that I found out he likes me. But I already knew that... so that wasn't a surprise. I'm pretty sure he is still reading even though he doesn't comment. He says I act weird around him... so I don't think I'm around him that often. I'm not sure what he means by weird but I am really quiet around people I'm not comfortable with.

Tomorrow I'm supposed to be meeting a friend so we can go study together. I don't know if I want too. The more I think about it the more I'm not sure. I mean, I'm going because I said I would but... still. I don't like the idea of not having my car. And I don't understand why she doesn't want to go by herself. No offense to her but I love doing things by myself.
She makes me realize how independent and brazen I am. Compared to her I am. Don't get me wrong, I love her to death. I think she's amazing. I'm just really writing as it comes out so hopefully I won't offend anyone. But I love being independent. I would go crazy if I didn't do things by myself.

I'm going to test my PC party dessert on the Wednesday night crew. I haven't made this recipe before. I'm sure it won't be a problem but I do want to make it before next Saturday.

I hate not having tons of homework to do. I feel like I've done nothing productive today. I like the rush of a deadline. I like studying. I like having something to do! I'm ready for this semester to be over but yet I'm dreading summer because of the above. I think I'm going to paint and garden before the second session of classes (I have to take at least one class this summer). And hopefully do quite a few Pampered Chef parties.

I'm about to fall asleep so I'm going to go. Amazing. Blogging must relax me or something because I feel like I could fall over and sleep until noon. 7am here I come. I'm meeting my friend at 9 so I've got to have time to wake up (or I'll be grumpy), shower and make a protein shake. Yay me. *that was sarcasm* goodnight.

AHHHH!!!! My Hair Is Gone.

I had to stop and take a break from studying. I'm going on four hours and I'm feeling it. I have three more pages and 1 chapter to finish in Sociology. I need to go over Public Speaking and French (starting today I will study French everyday... maybe I'll begin to blog in French!!) and then I need to review my English notes for tomorrow. Thank goodness I've already read everything I needed to read for that class! I would be be going crazy right now if I hadn't.

Can you tell I've been typing up my notes while studying? One of my teachers said to type everything with two spaces between words and I'm trying to get in the habit. *Edit note (the spaces didn't show up in the blog. But I did do two spaces! I promise!)*

I cut my hair again. I didn't like it the way it was and so I had it cut again. I'm not sure I like it this way either. And I can guarantee you I will be growing this stuff out. I'm a bit tired of short hair right now. I don't think I'll be going to see my stylist for a while. It's not that I don't like her (she's new and I LOVE her), I just want my hair back to normal. I'm a bit worried right now about not looking feminine (yes, it is that short!). So I will probably wear make-up everyday (if I'm going out of the house that is!) and...drum-roll.... Bethany and Marianna will appreciate this more than anyone else... I bought new earrings. I know. I know. You never thought you'd see the day. But I did and I'm wearing a pair now. I just can't stand the thought of people seeing that I only wear one or two pairs (can someone give a shout-out for peer pressure?!) and also I wanted some that would be quite noticeable. I'm a bit concerned with Dad's reaction to my hair too. We'd just talked about girls having hair that looked too closely like guys hair... and look what I have?!

Be honest with me. Does it look bad? I am soo worried! But I'm kinda hoping it will make me look more my age. Does it do that?

Oh well. I've got it until it grows out or until I grow used to it. We'll see which one comes first. I just remembered I only have one class tomorrow and plenty of time to study tomorrow so I'm going to finish my 3 pages and then go home. It's time. Time for time spent with the family.