Dos and Don'ts. Trust me you will want to read this if you are even considering online dating.
Dos -
Do: feel comfortable contacting any of your matches that you find attractive. The men won't always have you as a match so contact them. You never know what will happen and rules about the guys being the first to make contact don't apply.
Do: feel comfortable closing any match at any time for any reason. You don't even have to explain. If you find you don't like you him (or her) then close it. There is a level of feeling disconnected with your match so don't worry about offending or hurting their feelings.
Do: be yourself. This is no different than meeting someone in person.
*************************************
Don'ts -
Don't: feel like you have to respond to everyone that contacts you. You don't. If you don't like what's on their profile or they don't fit with what you are looking for, then don't even start talking to them. It will save you both time and frustration.
Don't: give out your personal email unless you are completely ready to do so. Many sites have anonymous email for you to use. Communicate with your match through that email for as long as you need.
Don't: agree to meet a guy without telling someone where you are going and when you plan to be back. I did not do this. Jesus protected me (there wasn't even an attempt of anything, but still. I praise Him).
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Which site to use -
I signed up for two dating sites. Match.com and eHarmony.com.
Here's another Do and Don't: Do use eHarmony. Don't use Match.com.
Here's my reasons why: Match.com is about getting one night stands. If you aren't interested in more than that, then be my guest. eHarmony is about actually matching you with someone who has the same values. I truly believe they want to play matchmaker.
All of my good experiences have come from eHarmony. I believe yours will too.
On a side note, if you are looking for a farmer, go here.
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Okay, once you've found a match and you feel okay about meeting him (or her), be prepared: you will most likely see friends you never see while on this date. It will be awkward. It will be embarrassing. You will be asked questions.
Face it. Friends are snoopy. They want to know who this new guy or gal is and why they've never heard of them before.
When I went on a date with Mr. Fail, he took me to Starbucks (he knew this was one of my favorite places in Wartown). I never see *any* of my friends at Starbucks. Never. Ever.
Wouldn't you know the one night I'm on a date I see not one, not two, but FIVE of my friends at Starbucks. The two important ones being RG and Jared. They are my boys (whether or not they realize it!).
I blushed for a good twenty minutes after seeing them and explaining to RG that I had met Mr. Fail on Match.com. I wanted to find hole and stick my head in it with my butt straight up in the air like an ostrich.
I can almost guarantee you will have this happen to you. It will suck like nothing else. You might want to die. But whatever you do and no matter how you feel, (another Don't!) don't feel like you have to tell your friend how you met your date. If necessary discuss with your date before even going on the date how to handle this type of situation. Tell him (or her) that if it happens (and while you hope it won't, you've had someone tell you it will) that you should just tell people mutual friends set you up. It will be the truth: the maker of the dating site is your mutual "friend". I can promise you saying this will save you both from tons of embarrassment.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I think that's enough for one blog. If you have any questions, please feel free to ask. I cannot be any more embarrassed than I already have been. ;)
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Online Dating Part 1
"Question for you..... Sarah* and I have been thinking about the whole "online dating" thing. I read on your blog that you've tried this out before... what is your opinion of it? Good experience or bad experience? Or.. is it worth it?"
This is part of a private message I received over Facebook. On top of responding this friend, I've also decided to address the questions here (on my blog) for two reasons:
1. It's been a while since I've written about online dating
2. It's always good to share your life experiences; you never know who will learn from them.
"What is your opinion of it (online dating)?"
I, actually, think it can be a good thing. I recommend it to anyone who doesn't have any prospects within your social circle. Today's society sees nothing wrong with it (although, there is a lot of embarrassment to be had if you are caught on a date with an online guy or gal; more on that later).
You know, within our culture, we are encouraged to be "friends" with the opposite sex. And even though I don't believe there is anything wrong with that, from a girls point of view, it can cause at least one serious problem for women if there are no clear boundaries set within your friendship.
Problem #1: Girls over-think and over-analyze everything. Guys, if you smile at a girl and she is slightly interested, most likely she's going to spend all night wondering thinking about that "special" smile. She will begin to wonder when you will ask her out. It gets even more complicated after that.
I'm sure there are other problems, but that's the only one I can think of.
That being said, another reason I recommend online dating is that you are both very clearly looking for a date. There is nothing to misunderstand!
"Good experience or bad experience?"
Of course, there are always good and bad experiences with everything in life. But from my experience, online dating has been mostly good. You will "meet" good and weird/bad guys (or girls), and your choice of dating sites will also determine what kind of "matches" you receive.
One good personal story: I started communicating with a guy from FL. He loves the Lord, loves his family (the two biggest factors when I consider a guy) and he is good looking. We emailed over the dating site for a couple weeks and after that time, I realized that we made great friends, but I didn't see it going any further. I responded to his message first and then told exactly what I said above. He replied and agreed with me. We are now friends on fb. I think we'll continue to be friends for a good while.
One bad personal story (besides Mr. Fail. lol): Had a guy contact me and we started emailing back and forth. This was within the first two weeks of being on an online dating site so I wasn't really sure what to do when he said he loved me and wanted to know what he had to do to make me love him in return. Yeah, that *really* freaked me out.
"Or.. is it worth it?"
Well, considering that you have to put money out to join most sites, I don't know. Has it been worth my time and money, at this point, only time will tell (since at this moment I'm "becoming friends" with a guy; whatever that means).
The other side of the "is it worth it" question is that there is an ocean of men/women very clearly looking for potential life partners. So if you don't have any prospects within your social circle, then yes, I think it's worth it.
Coming up next, tips on which dating sites are the best, dos and don'ts, what to do if you are on a date with an online man/woman and you run into a friend, etc.
Oh, and by the way, I don't think joining an online dating site means you are desperate. Tons of people see it that way and that is the wrong way to view it. It's just another way the internet is bringing people together.
Think of it as an online version of the Bachelor. :)
*Names have been changed to protect the innocent.
This is part of a private message I received over Facebook. On top of responding this friend, I've also decided to address the questions here (on my blog) for two reasons:
1. It's been a while since I've written about online dating
2. It's always good to share your life experiences; you never know who will learn from them.
"What is your opinion of it (online dating)?"
I, actually, think it can be a good thing. I recommend it to anyone who doesn't have any prospects within your social circle. Today's society sees nothing wrong with it (although, there is a lot of embarrassment to be had if you are caught on a date with an online guy or gal; more on that later).
You know, within our culture, we are encouraged to be "friends" with the opposite sex. And even though I don't believe there is anything wrong with that, from a girls point of view, it can cause at least one serious problem for women if there are no clear boundaries set within your friendship.
Problem #1: Girls over-think and over-analyze everything. Guys, if you smile at a girl and she is slightly interested, most likely she's going to spend all night wondering thinking about that "special" smile. She will begin to wonder when you will ask her out. It gets even more complicated after that.
I'm sure there are other problems, but that's the only one I can think of.
That being said, another reason I recommend online dating is that you are both very clearly looking for a date. There is nothing to misunderstand!
"Good experience or bad experience?"
Of course, there are always good and bad experiences with everything in life. But from my experience, online dating has been mostly good. You will "meet" good and weird/bad guys (or girls), and your choice of dating sites will also determine what kind of "matches" you receive.
One good personal story: I started communicating with a guy from FL. He loves the Lord, loves his family (the two biggest factors when I consider a guy) and he is good looking. We emailed over the dating site for a couple weeks and after that time, I realized that we made great friends, but I didn't see it going any further. I responded to his message first and then told exactly what I said above. He replied and agreed with me. We are now friends on fb. I think we'll continue to be friends for a good while.
One bad personal story (besides Mr. Fail. lol): Had a guy contact me and we started emailing back and forth. This was within the first two weeks of being on an online dating site so I wasn't really sure what to do when he said he loved me and wanted to know what he had to do to make me love him in return. Yeah, that *really* freaked me out.
"Or.. is it worth it?"
Well, considering that you have to put money out to join most sites, I don't know. Has it been worth my time and money, at this point, only time will tell (since at this moment I'm "becoming friends" with a guy; whatever that means).
The other side of the "is it worth it" question is that there is an ocean of men/women very clearly looking for potential life partners. So if you don't have any prospects within your social circle, then yes, I think it's worth it.
Coming up next, tips on which dating sites are the best, dos and don'ts, what to do if you are on a date with an online man/woman and you run into a friend, etc.
Oh, and by the way, I don't think joining an online dating site means you are desperate. Tons of people see it that way and that is the wrong way to view it. It's just another way the internet is bringing people together.
Think of it as an online version of the Bachelor. :)
*Names have been changed to protect the innocent.
Sunday, February 28, 2010
A Sweet Aroma
All I can think about today is 2 Cor. 2: 15 - 16, "For we are to God the fragrance of Christ among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing. To the one we are the aroma of death leading to death, and to the other the aroma of life leading to life. And who is sufficient for these things?".
My pastor based his sermon on the 2nd chapter of 2 Corinthians this morning and those two verses hit my soul hard.
I love my sense of smell. I love being able to smell things. I love hold things, lift them to my nose and take sniff. I cannot imagine life without being able to smell. Life would be boring. There would be no roses; no coffee; no "I know that's my friends t-shirt (or whatever) because it smells like their house"; no campfires; no salty ocean air; life would not be what it is without your sense of smell.
Smells, aromas, they speak to us. They tell you what to draw near. They tell you what to push away. They tell you what to wear and what to wash. They tell you what is beautiful and what is nasty. They tell you what to keep and what to throw away. Your sense of smell is an amazing thing.
So here I am wondering if I smell like a sweet aroma of life to my Savior. I desire to smell like life. I desire to smell very sweet to Father Love.
What do you smell like? Is your aroma pleasing to Christ?
My pastor based his sermon on the 2nd chapter of 2 Corinthians this morning and those two verses hit my soul hard.
I love my sense of smell. I love being able to smell things. I love hold things, lift them to my nose and take sniff. I cannot imagine life without being able to smell. Life would be boring. There would be no roses; no coffee; no "I know that's my friends t-shirt (or whatever) because it smells like their house"; no campfires; no salty ocean air; life would not be what it is without your sense of smell.
Smells, aromas, they speak to us. They tell you what to draw near. They tell you what to push away. They tell you what to wear and what to wash. They tell you what is beautiful and what is nasty. They tell you what to keep and what to throw away. Your sense of smell is an amazing thing.
So here I am wondering if I smell like a sweet aroma of life to my Savior. I desire to smell like life. I desire to smell very sweet to Father Love.
What do you smell like? Is your aroma pleasing to Christ?
Thursday, February 25, 2010
My Rescue Story
I'm sitting on my floor in my room, freezing. I have been very, very cold all day. I'm wondering if I'm getting sick. I don't normally feel cold like this. But every part of my body is extremely cold. I like cold weather. I'd rather it be cold than hot, but right now I don't feel so good being so super cold.
I had an amazing thing happen to me today. I had a gentleman come into the store and in true Southern tradition asked me where I went to church. I answered his question and then he proceeded to ask me if I was saved, I said yes, and he then asked when it happened. I shared with him how Father Love rescued me by opening my eyes at the young age of six. I could see in his face he felt very doubtful at that moment about the truthfulness of my story. He looked at me and said, "How do you know you were saved at that moment?" I told him that even at such a young age I had a desire to read God's Word, and since then I've seen and felt Him moving within my life to purify my heart and soul to be more like Christ. The overwhelming sense of gratitude for my Savior almost brought tears to my eyes.
It was a defining moment. The peace, the thankfulness, the love, the joy I felt for my Savior and for being able to share how Christ chose me, how He moved and worked in my life was almost more than this girl could handle. I am so prone to wonder. So prone to leave the God I love. But praise Him! He is so faithful! I can't help but thank Him for saving me. I am the truly the worst of all sinners.
This is one of my favorite hymns. The words speak to my soul. The music is soothing to my heart.
Come, Thou Fount of every blessing,
Tune my heart to sing Thy grace;
Streams of mercy, never ceasing,
Call for songs of loudest praise.
Teach me some melodious sonnet,
Sung by flaming tongues above.
Praise the mount! I’m fixed upon it,
Mount of Thy redeeming love.
Sorrowing I shall be in spirit,
Till released from flesh and sin,
Yet from what I do inherit,
Here Thy praises I’ll begin;
Here I raise my Ebenezer;
Here by Thy great help I’ve come;
And I hope, by Thy good pleasure,
Safely to arrive at home.
Jesus sought me when a stranger,
Wandering from the fold of God;
He, to rescue me from danger,
Interposed His precious blood;
How His kindness yet pursues me
Mortal tongue can never tell,
Clothed in flesh, till death shall loose me
I cannot proclaim it well.
O to grace how great a debtor
Daily I’m constrained to be!
Let Thy goodness, like a fetter,
Bind my wandering heart to Thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here’s my heart, O take and seal it,
Seal it for Thy courts above.
O that day when freed from sinning,
I shall see Thy lovely face;
Clothed then in blood washed linen
How I’ll sing Thy sovereign grace;
Come, my Lord, no longer tarry,
Take my ransomed soul away;
Send thine angels now to carry
Me to realms of endless day.
I had an amazing thing happen to me today. I had a gentleman come into the store and in true Southern tradition asked me where I went to church. I answered his question and then he proceeded to ask me if I was saved, I said yes, and he then asked when it happened. I shared with him how Father Love rescued me by opening my eyes at the young age of six. I could see in his face he felt very doubtful at that moment about the truthfulness of my story. He looked at me and said, "How do you know you were saved at that moment?" I told him that even at such a young age I had a desire to read God's Word, and since then I've seen and felt Him moving within my life to purify my heart and soul to be more like Christ. The overwhelming sense of gratitude for my Savior almost brought tears to my eyes.
It was a defining moment. The peace, the thankfulness, the love, the joy I felt for my Savior and for being able to share how Christ chose me, how He moved and worked in my life was almost more than this girl could handle. I am so prone to wonder. So prone to leave the God I love. But praise Him! He is so faithful! I can't help but thank Him for saving me. I am the truly the worst of all sinners.
This is one of my favorite hymns. The words speak to my soul. The music is soothing to my heart.
Come, Thou Fount of every blessing,
Tune my heart to sing Thy grace;
Streams of mercy, never ceasing,
Call for songs of loudest praise.
Teach me some melodious sonnet,
Sung by flaming tongues above.
Praise the mount! I’m fixed upon it,
Mount of Thy redeeming love.
Sorrowing I shall be in spirit,
Till released from flesh and sin,
Yet from what I do inherit,
Here Thy praises I’ll begin;
Here I raise my Ebenezer;
Here by Thy great help I’ve come;
And I hope, by Thy good pleasure,
Safely to arrive at home.
Jesus sought me when a stranger,
Wandering from the fold of God;
He, to rescue me from danger,
Interposed His precious blood;
How His kindness yet pursues me
Mortal tongue can never tell,
Clothed in flesh, till death shall loose me
I cannot proclaim it well.
O to grace how great a debtor
Daily I’m constrained to be!
Let Thy goodness, like a fetter,
Bind my wandering heart to Thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here’s my heart, O take and seal it,
Seal it for Thy courts above.
O that day when freed from sinning,
I shall see Thy lovely face;
Clothed then in blood washed linen
How I’ll sing Thy sovereign grace;
Come, my Lord, no longer tarry,
Take my ransomed soul away;
Send thine angels now to carry
Me to realms of endless day.
Mr. Music
All I have to say is Mr. Music is pretty amazing.
I will write more later. I have to be at work in 30 minutes. I have funny stories that cannot be told in less than 30 minutes. :)
I will write more later. I have to be at work in 30 minutes. I have funny stories that cannot be told in less than 30 minutes. :)
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Er... Uh, Hello... Mr...?
I have come to the conclusion in the past couple weeks that I love people. I mean, I truly love people. I don't know when this happened but it's true. It's ridiculous. It's scary. And just because I love you with the love of the Lord the first time we meet, but don't expect me to *like* you.
That probably doesn't make any sense. I don't expect that it will. All I know is that I love people. But sometimes after you get to know someone they aren't as lovable after you spend time with them. So I'll continue to love them with the love of the Father and not necessarily like them.
I've also realized that I have no idea how to behave towards "good guys". These are the guys you bring home to Dad, that love the Lord with all of their heart, mind, soul and strength, who are respectful, kind, and just a good ol' boy. These guys scare the living daylights out of me.
Let's face it: I know how to be flirtatious, I know how to be *dirty*, I know the right (i.e. wrong) things to say. In short, I know how to get and hold the attention of a "bad boy".
Why do I bring this up? Because after coming off of a "chemistry high" with Mr. Fail, I'm failing to sense any chemistry with a "good guy". Let me introduce you to Mr. Music. Mr. Music, not only loves Jesus, but he's clean, loves his ministry, loves his family, loves people... I mean, basically, he loves everything that has to do with honoring the Lord. Which is incredible! I just don't know what to do with him. Mr. Music scares me. And I don't seem to feel any connection with him beyond a mutual love for the Lord.
That should be enough right? I don't know. And I guess at this point I'm trying to be careful that I don't brush him off just because I'm coming off of this chemistry/connection high with Mr. Fail.
So in an effort to see if Mr. Music and I have any chemistry, I'm going to a concert. Mr. Music is a rapper. Mr. Music is on tour. This is the closest Mr. Music will be to me in a long time.
We are planning to meet before the show. Hopefully, things will be very clear after coffee. Coffee clears everything up! Right...?
Pray for me. I'm nervous.
That probably doesn't make any sense. I don't expect that it will. All I know is that I love people. But sometimes after you get to know someone they aren't as lovable after you spend time with them. So I'll continue to love them with the love of the Father and not necessarily like them.
I've also realized that I have no idea how to behave towards "good guys". These are the guys you bring home to Dad, that love the Lord with all of their heart, mind, soul and strength, who are respectful, kind, and just a good ol' boy. These guys scare the living daylights out of me.
Let's face it: I know how to be flirtatious, I know how to be *dirty*, I know the right (i.e. wrong) things to say. In short, I know how to get and hold the attention of a "bad boy".
Why do I bring this up? Because after coming off of a "chemistry high" with Mr. Fail, I'm failing to sense any chemistry with a "good guy". Let me introduce you to Mr. Music. Mr. Music, not only loves Jesus, but he's clean, loves his ministry, loves his family, loves people... I mean, basically, he loves everything that has to do with honoring the Lord. Which is incredible! I just don't know what to do with him. Mr. Music scares me. And I don't seem to feel any connection with him beyond a mutual love for the Lord.
That should be enough right? I don't know. And I guess at this point I'm trying to be careful that I don't brush him off just because I'm coming off of this chemistry/connection high with Mr. Fail.
So in an effort to see if Mr. Music and I have any chemistry, I'm going to a concert. Mr. Music is a rapper. Mr. Music is on tour. This is the closest Mr. Music will be to me in a long time.
We are planning to meet before the show. Hopefully, things will be very clear after coffee. Coffee clears everything up! Right...?
Pray for me. I'm nervous.
Yeah, I Like to Hide
I've noticed a trend. When life starts to get too hard to deal with I do one of two things (sometimes both).
1. I stop blogging
2. I block everyone from my reading list.
Doesn't make for a very good blogging author to say the least. It's almost been an exact month since I've blogged. Mr. Fail was part of my reason behind that.
I knew he was no good. I knew it would not be wise for me to go out with him. But the chemistry and the connection was so strong I didn't want to give it up.
How we now just call me Miss Fail-Wanna-Be? Well, I would give you permission, but I've had my own little personal revival. Jesus shot me with His Holy Ghost machine gun and I've been sticking close to him ever since.
Basically, expect more blog post and less blocking. :) Praise the Lord, right?!
1. I stop blogging
2. I block everyone from my reading list.
Doesn't make for a very good blogging author to say the least. It's almost been an exact month since I've blogged. Mr. Fail was part of my reason behind that.
I knew he was no good. I knew it would not be wise for me to go out with him. But the chemistry and the connection was so strong I didn't want to give it up.
How we now just call me Miss Fail-Wanna-Be? Well, I would give you permission, but I've had my own little personal revival. Jesus shot me with His Holy Ghost machine gun and I've been sticking close to him ever since.
Basically, expect more blog post and less blocking. :) Praise the Lord, right?!
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