Dear Mom

Dear Mom,

I've been thinking about you a lot today. I miss you and wish you could be here. I often feel pushed and pulled into so many directions with this wedding and it would be nice to have you here to help guide me.

I'm headed into my last couple weeks at home. I've worked hard in helping Dad with your babies and with the house.
Honestly, sometimes my siblings feel a little like my own and I love them more than anything and the thought of leaving them breaks my heart. You gave birth to some *amazing* young men and an *incredible* young woman.

I try not to think about leaving since it makes me want to cry. Adam is my one and only and I want to marry him more than anything. But I worry about them even though I know they'll be alright. They are all grown now and don't need me. So I'm sure once again I am the one needing them more than they need me. They have stolen my heart and I'm going to miss them.

I'm trying to tie up my loose ends around the house. I'm painting the dining room. I hope to get to the kitchen and hallway before I leave in August. I've tried to paint every room as dramatic as possible. I remember how much you loved Mrs. L. B.'s house and her striking paint color in every room.
I've painted the hall bathroom a bright purple. Almost everyone comments on how bright it is and all I can think is, "Well, Mom would have loved it".
I painted the living room a deep red. It's definitely the defining feature of the room. And I'm in the midst of painting the dining room two colors. The wall has chair-rail wood trim and I've painted the wall above the trim a shimmering gold and the wall below a glistening bronze. I plan to have elegant burgundy curtain to bring the living room and dining room together. It will definitely be dramatic and I know you would love it.

I hope you are proud of the work I've done, the time spent, the love given. I've worked hard to fulfill your desire for me to care for my siblings. I hope you don't regret prepping me to be home.
I pray I've given enough to my siblings. I was/am not always the best example and I've failed many, many times. But I do love them and I do want the best for them. I hope they know that.

I know the Lord's plans are best but I wish with all my heart you were still here and were able to be here for my wedding. I love you and miss you so much.

Love,
Lydia

Lydia & Ree

Forget Julie & Julia, I give you: Lydia & Ree (The Pioneer Woman)!

I am engaged. My fiance, Adam (my own MM: Music Man), has roots deep in the heart of Tennessee. We're talkin' good ol' southern food that'll make your knees quake and your tummy settle low in your middle (probably literally considering the amount of butter it takes Paula Deen to make any southern dish).

So I'm on a mission: to make sure my cooking skills are up to par with MM's mom and aunt.

I've never been a bad cook but I have not cooked as much as I used to and even though I've been cooking since the ripe young age of 11....AND even though my brother, Spank, has always told me I'm a better cook than McDonald's (that's *got* to be pretty good!) I'm still worried. I want Adam to LOVE my cooking. And I want to feel confident in my cooking for him.

The race is on! I've got a month and a half until we say "I Do" so I'm cooking a meal with a recipe or two from The Pioneer Woman cookbook at least once a week. I bought it probably a year ago and haven't cooked a thing! shame on me.


also please do not take notice of my free weights, dirty laundry, shoes, etc., on my floor.




Tonight was my beginning! I fried up some Chicken Fried Steak and Mashed Potatoes. O.M.G. They were both soooo good!

I don't have pictures of the steak cooking because I forgot about my camera until it was too late.

my beginning mess

the end project:

The potatoes were a joint effort with the brothers and Pop. They cooked potatoes, mashed them, and then I added some pepper and baked them in the oven after putting more butter on the top.

I think supper turned out pretty well. The guys grilled asparagus, mushrooms, corn, and peaches while I was cooking (too many starches I know! It hit me after we all sat down).  

I know they are all more than happy to help Adam out by taste-testing! Cup-bearers fit for a king!

Lesson for the night: I need to come up with a way to keep my meat warm if we have to wait for grilled veggies to finish.

I'm getting there. 

Overall: no complaints. at. all. 

Meal #1 with Lydia & Ree down! A couple more to go and Music Man will be one happy hubby when all is said and done. 

Premarital Sex - Year Later

A reader commented on my last post and asked how I feel now.... a year later after having premarital sex.

A lot has happened in one year.

And it may take a couple posts to bring my life up to date.

In the mean time, how I feel? Sometimes there is still pain, a lot of pain. But there is joy and I am healing.

Last summer I went to a therapist and she really helped me jump-start my healing process by showing me the Love of the LORD.
I also started a girls-only book club called WOP (Women of Purity) and we read Emotional Purity. I had read the book before but never truly realized how important it is to be emotionally pure. And they all helped me heal even more.
I also met a man. A good man. A man who desires to make a vow before GOD and man to protect, love, cherish and not to ever leave me.

Having premarital sex with a man who wanted nothing more than to check off "virgin" on his sexual quest list left me scarred and on major defense when it came to men.

Adam has had to break down walls and he's done it with such love and gentleness that I know it's from the Father of Love.

Adam and I are getting married in August and my heart sings with joy. God has blessed me and He's healing my wounds.

And I am thankful.

10 Things

1) Always carry your purse. No matter how short the excursion (ride into town or a cross-country trip).

2) If you want friends, you yourself must be friendly.

3) Going to the movie theater by yourself is relaxing.

4) Pregnant women can do anything a non-pregnant woman can (roll down hills, do cartwheels in the living room, etc).

5) The first couple chapters of Proverbs is perfect for sex education.

6) When a guest enters the house always offer them something to drink and eat. If they say they're fine, get them something anyways (they're probably lying).

7) Every animal needs a good home (and ours is the perfect fit).

8) To say "Yes ma'am", "No ma'am", "Yes sir", and "No sir" even to people younger than me. They deserve respect too.

9) How to let men be men and open doors, hold luggage, etc, etc (I'm not always good at this though.... I am Woman! Hear me Roar!).

10) No matter what happens God is in control.


10 things I learned from my mother.

Your Love is my Drug

This is my favorite pop/hip hop (whatever you want to call it) song right now. You wanna know why? Because this song tells me I am right. And you know what? I *love* being right.

I have no idea who Ke$ha is. But I do know her song, Your Love is my Drug, screams the truth of everything I wrote in my Premarital Sex blogpost.

If you haven't heard the song, well, here ya go.

I'm kinda addressing Ke$ha and my readers.... just bear with me. ;)

Maybe I need some rehab (seriously, Ke$ha, I am seeing a therapist after having premarital sex. So yeah, you probably do)
Or maybe just need some sleep (Dad has *always* said nothing good happens after 12am and I can testify to that being true)
I got a sick obsession (basically, you have an idol. Not good, honey)
I'm seeing it in my dreams
I'm lookin down every alley
I'm making those desperate calls
I'm staying up all night hoping hitting my head against the wall (yep, let me just give you Mrs. Gentry's number. Cuz I think you need to see her)

What you got boy, is hard to find (not really, because any guy will give it to you if you let him. the key is not letting him)
I think about it all the time
I'm all strung out my heart is fried
I just cant get you off my mind! (girlfriend, you actually need to get Jesus on your mind. It would help your whole problem)

Because your love your love your love is my drug
Your love your love your love
Your love your love your love is my drug
Your love your love your love (sex becomes addictive - once you have it, you want it again and again. So unless Jesus gets control of your heart, mind and soul, it will become your [my reader not Ke$ha] drug too)

Won't listen to any advice
Mommas telling me I should think twice (let me tell you, if your family says no, you need to listen. They most likely know you better than anyone. And, also, if you feel like you can't tell your family about your significant other, you should not be seeing that person. Cut it off. It's not worth it)
But look into my own devices, I'm addicted it's a crisis (your entire life has become about you. Wrong place to be. If your life isn't about Christ you got a serious problem)
My friends think I've gone crazy
My judgments gettin kinda hazy
My steeze is gonna be affected if I keep it up like a love sick crack head (what in the world is a "steeze"?!)

What you got boy, is hard to find
I think about it all the time
I'm all strung out my heart is fried
I just cant get you off my mind!

Because your love your love your love is my drug
Your love your love your love
Your love your love your love is my drug
Your love your love your love

I don't care what people say
The rush is worth the price I pay
I get so high when you're with me
But crash and crave you when you leave (Point 5 in my post sums this up - but with more force and a lot more truth. Women continue having premarital sex because the "sexual high" makes them feel good, beautiful. But when it's gone so are all of those positive feelings. Then you just want to die until you get that "high" back. This is my favorite part of this song because it tells me I'm right)

Hey, so I got a question
Do you wanna have a slumber party in my basement? (I think someone tweeted this officially made Ke$ha a creep. Who in the world has slumber parties in their basement? No one. It's weird.)
Do I make your heart beat like an 808 drum
Is my love your drug? your drug?
Huh, your drug?
Huh, your drug?
Is my love your drug?

Because your love your love your love is my drug
Your love your love your love
Your love your love your love is my drug
Your love your love your love

Because your love your love your love is my drug
Your love your love your love
Your love your love your love is my drug
Your love your love your love

Hey, hey, so
You love, your love your love, is my drug
(She says) I like your beard

Thank you, Ke$ha, for singing truth even if I'm the only one who sees it (or rather hears your song and interprets it that way).

Pressing Forward

God has given me an unquenchable desire to see other girls (men too) remain pure. I have a passion for purity. Because of this passion and because I hope to spare others from the same pain I've endured I started a girls book discussion group (later to be named WOP i.e. Women of Purity).

I invited my favorite girlfriends (over the age of 21) to join me every Thursday night at 9pm at Starbucks to discuss the book Emotional Purity. We read three chapters of the book each week and then met together to talk about the book and anything else relating to being pure before the Lord.

I have grown so much in my walk with the Lord through leading these amazing girls. I have been convicted (no longer have an "exception guy") and challenged (to reveal the idols in my own heart) and loved.

My challenge to you is to start your own book discussion club. Call it WOP if you want! :) But emotional purity is not preached within our churches. We talk about physical purity (which is good) but if we get down to business and face the facts: physical impurity happens when there is an emotional connection.

Wake up people! If we need to start living radical lives for Christ. We are supposed to be like a city on a hill whose light cannot be hidden. If we were truly honest we'd admit that our "christian" lifestyles are not any different than nonbelievers.

Somethings gotta give. And it won't give unless you give it a push or a shove. Push and shove your own idols (idols being anything that brings you pleasure or happiness that causes you to sin or anything you are willing to sin in order to have) out of your life. Press forward to the goal of being more and more like Christ.

Boundaries

This is my 200th blog post (on blogger... there's quite a few more from my younger and more innocence life).
Blogging has been my form of journalling for years. It's been good; a form of release in extremely trying times. I recommend it for everyone.

The Lord has really pressed upon my heart to come up with God honoring boundaries within dating relationships and even guy/girl relationships in general. I've spent the past couple weeks praying about it. I want to honor the Lord so much in everything I say and do and I really believe He is leading me in the following direction (as far as relationships are concerned) and I'm telling you guys so you can help hold me accountable.

Relationships/friendships with Guys -
1. With the exception of one man* there is absolutely no "alone time". This includes riding in a car; being in his (parents) house (or he in my mine); no one-on-one sessions for coffee or lunch, etc, etc. There needs to be a girl/sister/brother with me.
2. No physical touch beyond a hug and even that will be limited to a few certain guys.
3. No flirting. I've been told I need to be coy and, even if I'm interested in a guy, to act like I'm really not. But I hate games. Especially when it comes to peoples hearts (emotions). So no flirting and if need be I will make sure the guy knows exactly where I stand.

Dating Relationships -
1. Limited "alone time". What I mean by that is dates will be in public places: well-lit restaurants, coffee shops, etc. No alone time in his house (or mine). Car rides need to be very limited.
2. No kissing. I don't think holding hands or hugs are inappropriate but I don't want to kiss another guy until my wedding day. In my experience kissing can lead to other things far too quickly and I'd rather not have that temptation. I have to admit I had my inspiration from my Exception Guy.

I can't think of anything else at this moment. But if I do I'll let y'all know. Just keep me in your prayers.

*The one man who is my exception for guy friendships is RG. I know it probably sounds stupid to have an exception, but 1) I have a peace about this and 2) I trust RG with my life and to also be completely God-honoring in everything he does. Soooo.... call me ridiculous if you want, but RG is one of my best friends and I've never known him to do anything that didn't bring glory to the Lord. He is also the reason I've decided to not kiss again until my wedding day. He told me he believes that is the right thing to do and I respect him so much that hearing him say it made me stop and consider that for my own life.