Premarital Sex - Year Later

A reader commented on my last post and asked how I feel now.... a year later after having premarital sex.

A lot has happened in one year.

And it may take a couple posts to bring my life up to date.

In the mean time, how I feel? Sometimes there is still pain, a lot of pain. But there is joy and I am healing.

Last summer I went to a therapist and she really helped me jump-start my healing process by showing me the Love of the LORD.
I also started a girls-only book club called WOP (Women of Purity) and we read Emotional Purity. I had read the book before but never truly realized how important it is to be emotionally pure. And they all helped me heal even more.
I also met a man. A good man. A man who desires to make a vow before GOD and man to protect, love, cherish and not to ever leave me.

Having premarital sex with a man who wanted nothing more than to check off "virgin" on his sexual quest list left me scarred and on major defense when it came to men.

Adam has had to break down walls and he's done it with such love and gentleness that I know it's from the Father of Love.

Adam and I are getting married in August and my heart sings with joy. God has blessed me and He's healing my wounds.

And I am thankful.

10 Things

1) Always carry your purse. No matter how short the excursion (ride into town or a cross-country trip).

2) If you want friends, you yourself must be friendly.

3) Going to the movie theater by yourself is relaxing.

4) Pregnant women can do anything a non-pregnant woman can (roll down hills, do cartwheels in the living room, etc).

5) The first couple chapters of Proverbs is perfect for sex education.

6) When a guest enters the house always offer them something to drink and eat. If they say they're fine, get them something anyways (they're probably lying).

7) Every animal needs a good home (and ours is the perfect fit).

8) To say "Yes ma'am", "No ma'am", "Yes sir", and "No sir" even to people younger than me. They deserve respect too.

9) How to let men be men and open doors, hold luggage, etc, etc (I'm not always good at this though.... I am Woman! Hear me Roar!).

10) No matter what happens God is in control.


10 things I learned from my mother.

Your Love is my Drug

This is my favorite pop/hip hop (whatever you want to call it) song right now. You wanna know why? Because this song tells me I am right. And you know what? I *love* being right.

I have no idea who Ke$ha is. But I do know her song, Your Love is my Drug, screams the truth of everything I wrote in my Premarital Sex blogpost.

If you haven't heard the song, well, here ya go.

I'm kinda addressing Ke$ha and my readers.... just bear with me. ;)

Maybe I need some rehab (seriously, Ke$ha, I am seeing a therapist after having premarital sex. So yeah, you probably do)
Or maybe just need some sleep (Dad has *always* said nothing good happens after 12am and I can testify to that being true)
I got a sick obsession (basically, you have an idol. Not good, honey)
I'm seeing it in my dreams
I'm lookin down every alley
I'm making those desperate calls
I'm staying up all night hoping hitting my head against the wall (yep, let me just give you Mrs. Gentry's number. Cuz I think you need to see her)

What you got boy, is hard to find (not really, because any guy will give it to you if you let him. the key is not letting him)
I think about it all the time
I'm all strung out my heart is fried
I just cant get you off my mind! (girlfriend, you actually need to get Jesus on your mind. It would help your whole problem)

Because your love your love your love is my drug
Your love your love your love
Your love your love your love is my drug
Your love your love your love (sex becomes addictive - once you have it, you want it again and again. So unless Jesus gets control of your heart, mind and soul, it will become your [my reader not Ke$ha] drug too)

Won't listen to any advice
Mommas telling me I should think twice (let me tell you, if your family says no, you need to listen. They most likely know you better than anyone. And, also, if you feel like you can't tell your family about your significant other, you should not be seeing that person. Cut it off. It's not worth it)
But look into my own devices, I'm addicted it's a crisis (your entire life has become about you. Wrong place to be. If your life isn't about Christ you got a serious problem)
My friends think I've gone crazy
My judgments gettin kinda hazy
My steeze is gonna be affected if I keep it up like a love sick crack head (what in the world is a "steeze"?!)

What you got boy, is hard to find
I think about it all the time
I'm all strung out my heart is fried
I just cant get you off my mind!

Because your love your love your love is my drug
Your love your love your love
Your love your love your love is my drug
Your love your love your love

I don't care what people say
The rush is worth the price I pay
I get so high when you're with me
But crash and crave you when you leave (Point 5 in my post sums this up - but with more force and a lot more truth. Women continue having premarital sex because the "sexual high" makes them feel good, beautiful. But when it's gone so are all of those positive feelings. Then you just want to die until you get that "high" back. This is my favorite part of this song because it tells me I'm right)

Hey, so I got a question
Do you wanna have a slumber party in my basement? (I think someone tweeted this officially made Ke$ha a creep. Who in the world has slumber parties in their basement? No one. It's weird.)
Do I make your heart beat like an 808 drum
Is my love your drug? your drug?
Huh, your drug?
Huh, your drug?
Is my love your drug?

Because your love your love your love is my drug
Your love your love your love
Your love your love your love is my drug
Your love your love your love

Because your love your love your love is my drug
Your love your love your love
Your love your love your love is my drug
Your love your love your love

Hey, hey, so
You love, your love your love, is my drug
(She says) I like your beard

Thank you, Ke$ha, for singing truth even if I'm the only one who sees it (or rather hears your song and interprets it that way).

Pressing Forward

God has given me an unquenchable desire to see other girls (men too) remain pure. I have a passion for purity. Because of this passion and because I hope to spare others from the same pain I've endured I started a girls book discussion group (later to be named WOP i.e. Women of Purity).

I invited my favorite girlfriends (over the age of 21) to join me every Thursday night at 9pm at Starbucks to discuss the book Emotional Purity. We read three chapters of the book each week and then met together to talk about the book and anything else relating to being pure before the Lord.

I have grown so much in my walk with the Lord through leading these amazing girls. I have been convicted (no longer have an "exception guy") and challenged (to reveal the idols in my own heart) and loved.

My challenge to you is to start your own book discussion club. Call it WOP if you want! :) But emotional purity is not preached within our churches. We talk about physical purity (which is good) but if we get down to business and face the facts: physical impurity happens when there is an emotional connection.

Wake up people! If we need to start living radical lives for Christ. We are supposed to be like a city on a hill whose light cannot be hidden. If we were truly honest we'd admit that our "christian" lifestyles are not any different than nonbelievers.

Somethings gotta give. And it won't give unless you give it a push or a shove. Push and shove your own idols (idols being anything that brings you pleasure or happiness that causes you to sin or anything you are willing to sin in order to have) out of your life. Press forward to the goal of being more and more like Christ.

Boundaries

This is my 200th blog post (on blogger... there's quite a few more from my younger and more innocence life).
Blogging has been my form of journalling for years. It's been good; a form of release in extremely trying times. I recommend it for everyone.

The Lord has really pressed upon my heart to come up with God honoring boundaries within dating relationships and even guy/girl relationships in general. I've spent the past couple weeks praying about it. I want to honor the Lord so much in everything I say and do and I really believe He is leading me in the following direction (as far as relationships are concerned) and I'm telling you guys so you can help hold me accountable.

Relationships/friendships with Guys -
1. With the exception of one man* there is absolutely no "alone time". This includes riding in a car; being in his (parents) house (or he in my mine); no one-on-one sessions for coffee or lunch, etc, etc. There needs to be a girl/sister/brother with me.
2. No physical touch beyond a hug and even that will be limited to a few certain guys.
3. No flirting. I've been told I need to be coy and, even if I'm interested in a guy, to act like I'm really not. But I hate games. Especially when it comes to peoples hearts (emotions). So no flirting and if need be I will make sure the guy knows exactly where I stand.

Dating Relationships -
1. Limited "alone time". What I mean by that is dates will be in public places: well-lit restaurants, coffee shops, etc. No alone time in his house (or mine). Car rides need to be very limited.
2. No kissing. I don't think holding hands or hugs are inappropriate but I don't want to kiss another guy until my wedding day. In my experience kissing can lead to other things far too quickly and I'd rather not have that temptation. I have to admit I had my inspiration from my Exception Guy.

I can't think of anything else at this moment. But if I do I'll let y'all know. Just keep me in your prayers.

*The one man who is my exception for guy friendships is RG. I know it probably sounds stupid to have an exception, but 1) I have a peace about this and 2) I trust RG with my life and to also be completely God-honoring in everything he does. Soooo.... call me ridiculous if you want, but RG is one of my best friends and I've never known him to do anything that didn't bring glory to the Lord. He is also the reason I've decided to not kiss again until my wedding day. He told me he believes that is the right thing to do and I respect him so much that hearing him say it made me stop and consider that for my own life.

Premarital Sex

I lost my virginity about 4 weeks ago. I am almost 24 years old and up to that point I had never even been kissed.

I know it was wrong. No, it’s not the way my Mom or Dad raised me. I'm asking if you don't have anything nice to say, then please do not say anything at all. Just take what I'm about to write as a warning or to encourage young women not to have premarital sex.

If someone had told me the following about premarital sex I believe I would have stopped and actually thought about what I was about to do to myself.

1) In my experience premarital sex has made me feel not only unworthy of a godly man, but of life. It has increased suicidal thoughts greatly. I've struggled with those kinds of thoughts in the past, but nothing like I do now.

2) Premarital sex has made me feel ugly not only when I look in the mirror but every waking second of my day. I struggle to see beauty in myself.

3) Premarital sex has made me despise everything I am (see both of the above).

4) Premarital sex has completely taken away my desire for a relationship.

5) Premarital sex made me feel cherished, desired, like I was the most beautiful woman in the world. Premarital sex gave me all of those things in the *moment* it was happening. But the moments after the "sexual high" was over have been the exact opposite of all of those things.

Because of #5 I now know why girls who have premarital sex continue having premarital sex. The reason is that it is in those moments of passion that they feel beautiful, cherished, desired and, last but not least, loved and outside of having sex they struggle to see and feel those things in themselves.

People who throw emotions around and act like they have no meaning are fools. Emotions, feelings are powerful and not to be taken lightly.

For girls, after those moments of passion, all of those feelings disappear and (once again) they become ugly (to themselves and, in their mind, to everyone else); they are no longer worthy of being cherished or desired (both of those feelings are beyond important to a young woman’s self-esteem); and there is no love for themselves nor from other people.

Girls, young ladies, women of all ages, I can guarantee one thing: any man who convinces you to have premarital sex him has nothing but selfish lust. I guarantee there is no love involved whatsoever. I don’t care if he tells you a billion times that he loves you. He’s speaking lies straight from the pit of hell.

Oh, and any man who guilt-trips you into having premarital sex with him by saying something along the lines of, “If you really love me you will have sex with me.” He doesn’t truly love you. He also has nothing but selfish lust and is speaking lies straight from hell.

Premarital sex is an ugly black hole that sucks you in further and further until you've completely lost your self-esteem, your confidence, your beauty, and your innocence. You lose everything when you have premarital sex. You lose you. And it's not worth it.

But for those of you who have had premarital there is hope. After telling a good friend of mine that I had premarital sex and after telling her a of bit of how I felt, she looked at me and said, “Lydia, all of that can be restored. If you truly believe in Christ, and I know you do! And you believe that He is a God who restores, and I know you do! Then you believe He can restore you.” I wanted to cry. That was the first message of hope I had heard from anyone.

And, you know what: I do believe God restores all. I know I sinned and I have sought forgiveness at the throne of the Most High. I have been given far too much grace, mercy and love. You can have forgiveness, grace, mercy and love from Jesus Christ too. He stands waiting for you. He freely gives hope and new life.

I've always said I had no regrets in my life and everything that has happened to me I would do again. But this, this I would change. I would save myself for a thousand years and more to be able to save my virginity until my wedding night if I could start over again. Praise the Lord He forgives.

So I am “airing my dirty laundry” because if I can help someone else not go through the same pain then I will shout this from the mountaintops. So if you are (or a friend is) considering having premarital sex or if you have been there already, and you need someone to talk with: I’m here. Feel free to private message me about anything: salvation through Jesus, premarital sex, life, etc, etc. I promise I will not judge. I will not condemn. I have no place or right and all I have to offer is love through Jesus Christ. I also promise that if you decide to message me what you say will not go beyond our messages.

I beg you save yourself for marriage. Stay a virgin until your wedding night and be proud of it. I don't care what your friends are doing or what they say, I promise it's not worth the pain and headache. You are worth more and you deserve more. You are loved, cherished and desired by Jesus Christ. And He believes you are beautiful. Keep your purity. Save your virginity. You have a gift you can't take back once given. And it's worth holding on to for as long as needed.

John 8:1-12

Sometimes I Hate

I feel horrible. I always do when I tell a guy it's not going to work out. I feel like I lead him on (even if I didn't). I feel like I did something terribly wrong (even though I haven't).

I want to cry. and go to bed right now.

Sometimes I hate what comes with life. Including emotions, feelings, possibilities, the hope (of anything really).

I'm praying for you Mr. JGG. I promise with all of my heart, mind, body and soul that I did not intend to hurt you (if I did).