Friendship

It's been weird in a way. I mean, I don't have many "girl friends" and in the past two weeks I've become friends with two different girls who are amazing. They love Jesus and I haven't had that in forever.

I just feel like this is another way the Lord is saying, "Lydia, I love you and I know what you need, what you desire and even though you couldn't see that you needed the friendship of godly women, I could and I have provided. Be encouraged. I am watching over you."

I spend three hours with a girl from my pysch class tonight at Starbucks, drinking coffee and talking about life. I haven't had this many female friends who love the Lord ever. In fact, I've only really had my sisters and maybe one other friend. Now I have three plus my sisters.

And what makes this really amazing is the fact that I've been worried about people I spend a lot of time around and I wasn't sure what to do because I desire fellowship with females. But out of the three women I spend most of my time with, only one was truly seeking the Lord and it was/is so easy to get pulled into selfish thinking, and to talk about things I really shouldn't be talking about. I had not even prayed about my concern of who I was spending a lot of time with because I didn't feel like there was anything that could be done about it. I mean, I spend a lot of time around those women. But, yet again, the Lord has provided without me asking. I am so insane. Crazy for doubting Him. Selfish, ungrateful, and just plain stupid for choosing not to trust.

God, forgive me. I repent of my wicked ways. I know I will sin again because I am human, and I stumble all the time, but Lord I pray You will keep my faith strong. Lift me up and reveal Your glory to me. Thank You for answering unspoken prayers. Thank you for providing godly women to be my friends. I do not deserve Your love but I thank You that You give so freely.

Cleanse Me

The longing for my Savior has flooded my heart, mind and soul. A couple Wednesday nights ago I asked my Blood brothers and sisters to pray that God would soften my heart because I knew it was hard and resistant to the Lord. Since then Christ has poured His wondrous love into my broken, bleeding, pleading heart and soul.

So with that desire to know and worship my Savior, and December right around the corner, I'm going to start 25 Days of Christ. I want this Christmas season to be all about Father Love. I want to remove all distractions and cleanse my heart and soul through worship for my One and Only.

I Am (not) SuperWoman

I know how to hid things. We've discussed this in depth many times so you know this as much as I do. Sometimes I am really good at hiding it from others and myself. But never from the Lord. Goodness, sometimes I really can't stand that. And I know the Lord loves me and His reason for showing me my errors is because He loves me.

Life has been frustrating me greatly. I had not been dealing with my frustration either. Wren is right: the fact that I am just "starting" my college career, a job, etc has been weighing heavily on my heart. I sometimes feel like I've missed so many things because of the choices I've made. Of course, given the choice I wouldn't go back and change those decisions. But it is hard being around 19, 20 year old kids all the time and feeling like I could have already completed so much and yet I'm only beginning. Wren almost made almost made me cry at work. I didn't think anyone could see through me but he could. God has given him the gift of discernment or rather I am not as good at hiding things as I though.

Vehicles have been a big source of stress. It's mostly pride and I've never felt this way before, but I hate driving that van. It's embarrassing and no one seems to understand why. Dad did tell me that I will be able to drive B's car home from the wedding. I am soo excited about B getting married but I'm also really excited about having something smaller to drive.

Wren also reminded me that I don't have to be SuperWoman. And that it's okay not to have it all together. I often feel like I have to have it all together or I'm going to fail. Perhaps my real failure comes in not letting go at times.

He reminded me that I need to take time for fun... and asked me if I've been walking. I've been taking "me" time... But I haven't been walking or even really exercising and I can't stand that. My weight has always been a struggle; in the self-esteem area and more recently in my actual weight. I need to be doing some cardio, but finding time has become my biggest enemy. And of course, being an emotional eater does not help at all. I've discovered that I am more of an emotional drinker and coke is my alcohol. Not good for my waistline...

Dear Father Love, continue to draw me near to You. My heart is bleeding for so many reasons. Some of which are valid, some stupid, some crazy, etc. But the point is I need You. Forgive my sin, the temptations of my heart and the wickedness of my mind. Cleanse me. Pour out Your love, forgiveness, mercy, and grace to my deprived soul. Restore to me the joy of my salvation. Thank You for touching my needy, wounded soul. Oh, how I need You.

I Need a Break!

I made a 73 on my English paper. I seriously hate college today. But as Dr. C said, there is only one more month in the semester! I think I can handle that. I hope I can handle that.

So I really hate that B's work is not on Verizon. What is up with that?! I mean, we never talked before she got her new cell but now we can't even text or anything. And if any of B's friends take this out of context I will block you. You've been warned.

Something I love: this cold weather. I'd take cold over hot any day. And Twitter. I like being to share a bit of me with the world as I go.

I think I'm going to start running on the weekends. I think. I hate running but I know I need to do something. This weight training class is going to do nothing for me if I don't get some cardio exercises in my life. I should start doing yoga again.

Ummm.... yeah.

Do you know what it's like to feel insignificant? I do. I feel that way quite often.

You know that feeling you have when someone is REALLY listening to you? I mean, they are all into what you are saying. They have nothing else on their mind but you and what you have to say. It makes you feel important, significant, wanted, and loved. Perhaps that is why I'd rather listen than talk. Because then other people can experience what I rarely do.

No one really listens to me. I don't know why. But most of the time when I try to speak, the person(s) will be messing with their phone, or they will interrupt, or something... It makes me feel insignificant, unimportant, and like they don't want to hear what I have to say.

I can't seem to find the inspiration to blog lately. I don't know what's wrong with me. It's like when I try to write nothing comes out. Nothing worth reading anyways.

Can I show you why I love South GA? Do you see this? Beauty. This is what I love. This is where I want to raise children. This is where I want to live and die (of course, after I finish college and travel).



I can't think of anything else to write. At least nothing positive.

Life Will be Good

I think I just failed my first French test. It's all my own fault though. I haven't been doing my homework. I wondered today if I should have started over and taken French 1101 again. It would have really helped ground me in the language.

I was sick over the weekend. I don't think it was the flu or anything like that. I think I have been so stressed that my body said "Enough is enough! You need to rest." And I did. For two days I did nothing but sit on the couch. Drink juice. Watch movies. Sleep. It was marvelous! But now I'm back in the real world. And I've decided to make my life process of elimination. I have made a list of everything that is causing me stress and then I'm going to make a plan to eliminate them. The list was rather long... But that's okay. All of it are things that can be taken care of and life will be good.

I told my professor that I couldn't go on the six week trip. I hated telling her but she not only understood, she was thankful. It sounds bad doesn't it? But it wasn't really going to work for her to go and she was holding out for me... or at least that's how it sounded when we talked this morning. She is going to get me information on the spring break trip and we'll go from there. I want to go to France so badly!

Well, I'm gonna go. Being on the computer at the BCM always makes me nervous... never know who will/could hack your stuff!

I'm Still Alive

Sooo.... did you think I'd fallen off the face of the earth? Well, I haven't. I just have not had any time to blog.

The Lord has been pouring His grace and mercy over my soul. I have been feeling the greatness of my sin and it's downward pull. Wednesday it was all I could do to keep from crying when it was my turn to pray. I had to confess my unworthiness.

My puppy is doing well. He is a mess. Bandit likes to dig, get on the porch and lots of other things he isn't supposed to do. What's a girl supposed to do?!

A and I saw the movie Fame last night. Don't watch it. It was incredibly BORING! I talked through the movie. You know it's bad if I'm talking. I never talk in movies, especially movies I haven't yet seen.

Sometimes I go back and reread my myspace blog. I was such a creative writer then. I had time to think. I don't have time to think now. I'm ready for this semester to be over.

I want to go camping. I am seriously thinking about doing it after Josh Bales comes down. Speaking of which, the concert is still a go. You should come down. I'm seriously afraid I won't have 50 people there. Man, am I worried about that. I've got money to pay him with in case there are only like 10 folks. But still. I need to ask Joe to send an email out to the BCM people.

Sorry this is so short, but I've got to get in the shower. I'm going 4-wheeling today. Hopefully I'll make it home safe and sound. :)